


Forbidden

by NaughtyNeganJDM



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Cheating, F/M, Forbidden Love, Smut, Teacher Negan (Walking Dead), Tragedy, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:47:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 59,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29604075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaughtyNeganJDM/pseuds/NaughtyNeganJDM
Summary: Y/N is in an unhappy marriage where her husband Spencer is always pitting her job against her. When Negan overhears a fight between them over the phone, he attempts to comfort her which leads to a steamy affair that Y/N never expected to have.
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead) & You, Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s), Negan (Walking Dead)/You
Comments: 88
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was given a request to write a smutty story with Negan where two married people fall in love while working together. I was also given a challenge to do with this story, but I won't reveal what it was until the end. This story will only be a few chapters. Six at the most. 
> 
> As always Y/N means your name or whatever name you want to put in there! Thanks for reading. I wrote this rather quickly so I apologize if there are errors that are found.

Life should have been easy. Being able to have the job that you always dreamt of should have been something great. Not many people get to have the job that they had always wanted. And if they did have that job, they didn’t end up loving it. For Y/N, all she ever wanted to be was a teacher. The idea of being able to teach always appealed to her. So, when she found a school that she liked and landed the job she wanted, she thought she would be happy. The only thing that she never planned out was how being a teacher would affect the life of her husband as much as it did. 

Working at the local high school and taking part in so many activities for the kids there was the perfect dream for Y/N. She loved the students. She loved her co-workers and she loved the job. Unfortunately, the job came with long hours. Hours she didn’t mind spending there, it just didn’t work well for her husband. Apparently, he was never prepared for her to be gone as long as she was.

Y/N had married her husband Spencer right out of college. They were high school sweethearts and he had always known that she had wanted to be a teacher. At the beginning he was very supportive of the things she wanted, but once it started to inconvenience the plans that he had for life it became a huge problem for them.

There had been so much fighting recently and Y/N found herself overwhelmed with everything that was going on. Right now, she should have been at the pep rally that the school was having. Instead she found herself in her classroom listening to her husband on the other end of the phone telling her off when she told him she would be late tonight because of basketball practice. Y/N coached the girl’s team and loved it, but Spencer didn’t. Spencer thought that at the end of the school day, Y/N should be home. He hated that she would coach for the sports teams or help with dances. Her putting extra effort into the school and the students really pissed him off and he was ripping her a new one on the phone.

“Spencer, you knew that I was coaching the basketball team. I can’t pull out on them now,” Y/N heard the soft knocking sound on the door to her classroom and looked over her shoulder to see Negan standing in the doorway. Negan was the physical education teacher at the high school and was also someone who had coached a lot of the sports teams as well. Through working they had gotten close because they would often help each other out, so it wasn’t rare for him to pop in and see her. Negan gave her a confused expression and stepped into her empty classroom when he saw her on the phone. “I know you’re upset.”

“What’s going on?” Negan’s voice came out in a whisper, his right eyebrow perking up as he saw the absolute frustration flooding over her features. Closing the door behind him, Negan moved into the classroom and sat on the edge of the student desk that was closest to hers. “Is it him again?”

Negan knew about the way that Spencer treated Y/N. Most of the time she wouldn’t be open with people about things, but unfortunately Negan had walked in on Spencer coming into the school one day to have one of his famous fits. Negan had heard it and managed to break it up, so he was very much aware of how Spencer was. Spencer’s attitude was always something that worried Y/N. She was worried that Spencer would show up at the wrong time and get her fired. Thankfully everyone seemed pretty understanding of what was happening with Spencer. Or maybe was just lucky that Spencer hadn’t caused enough of a scene to get her fired yet.

It always scared her about Spencer’s attitude. This was the perfect job for her. She was happy. She hoped that her husband throwing his temper tantrums would never get her fired. It was why she tried to appease him as much as she did. The last thing she wanted was to lose her job because of the person who was supposed to love her the most.

Negan must have heard the screaming and he threw his hands up in the air. Pulling her phone away from her ear, she turned it on speaker phone and set it on the desk to let Negan hear Spencer’s latest rant. It might have been looked down upon by a lot of people that she was letting Negan hear her husband’s childish fit, but she couldn’t believe Spencer always let it get this bad. Y/N was always very open with Negan and always let him in on things going on. They were really close friends and for the most part that’s what they always did with one another.

“I just think it’s fucking stupid Y/N. Most of the guys I work with when they come home their wives have their meals prepared for them. When I get home, I have to make my own meal and then I feel obligated to have to make you something as well. It’s bullshit that I am sitting at home to myself while I’m waiting for you to get done with these fucking kids. It would be one thing if they were our kids, but they aren’t,” Spencer ranted and Negan’s eyebrows clenched while staring out at Y/N. Negan stayed quiet because he respected her enough to do that, but his jaw was flexing and he was unimpressed with what he was hearing. It was obviously upsetting Y/N. There were no questions about it. There was no hiding the overwhelming emotional stress that Spencer had put her through over the last few months. It was wearing down on her and she hoped it wasn’t affecting her work.

“Spencer, I usually always prepare dinner. You just have to put it in the oven usually,” Y/N reminded her husband, resting her head back letting out a long sigh. “It kind of sounds like you just want me to be a housewife and not have a job.”

“Well it’s not a bad idea,” Spencer muttered making both Y/N and Negan let out disgusted sounds. When Negan realized that he actually did it, he ended up covering his mouth. It was an involuntary response by what Spencer had said it slipped his mind she had been on speaker. “Eventually we are going to have kids and it makes sense to have you be a stay at home mother.”

“This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid. Even if we have children, I’m not going to give up my job,” Y/N held her finger up in the air to cover her lips as if hinting Negan to keep quiet while she continued her conversation. “You work with your father. It wasn’t something you always wanted to do. It’s just a job you took because it was there.”

“And that makes my job less important?” Spencer scoffed and Y/N watched Negan roll his eyes dramatically at her husband’s response.

“No, that’s not at all what I’m saying. I’m just saying that I think you harshly judge my job when you’re just working in a place that you got by default. I worked hard to get here,” Y/N explained knowing that she was likely digging herself a bigger hole the more she talked. It was ridiculous talking to Spencer like this. She was meant to be other places, but instead she was wasting her time talking to someone who really was just in the mood to fight. Not have a discussion. The point of this call was to shame her and she was well aware of that. “I’m supposed to be at a pep rally right now Spencer. I can’t keep fighting with you.”

“And I can’t keep having a wife that cares more about her job than she does her own husband,” Spencer snapped back on the other end and Y/N reached up to brush her fingers through her hair. “When I married you, I thought we were going to be a good duo. Fuck, I knew you were determined, but I should come before your job. I’m more important than your job and those fucking kids.”

“Spencer, I love you, but you know I love my job,” Y/N tried to reason with her husband hearing him let out a repulsed sound. The way Negan’s eyes were on her was like he was expecting her to come back with something to snap back at him with, but you knew better than that. “We will do our best to make tonight special when I come home, okay?”

“What about you is special Y/N? By the time you get home, you’re fucking exhausted. It’s not like you are even interested in having sex with me or anything of the sort. Hell, I don’t even know the last time you touched me,” Spencer snorted and it made Y/N’s face flush over with embarrassment considering Negan was there to hear that. While she was open with Negan about a lot things, her sex life wasn’t exactly one of them. There was an undeniable flush that flooded her cheeks from Negan hearing about the lack of sex she was having with Spencer. “I’m married to a pathetic girl that would rather spend time coaching the girls’ basketball team than come home and spend time with her husband.”

“Hang up on him,” Negan muttered, quiet enough for only her to hear and he pointed toward the phone. When he snapped his fingers, it raised her eyes to his. The look on Negan’s face showed that he was pissed at what he had just heard. “Hang up.”

“I can’t,” she attempted to speak in a whisper to Negan. While they were bickering, the sounds of Spencer mocking her and attacking her were still heard. The things that Spencer was saying were exceedingly condescending. They were hitting a certain thing inside of her that was upsetting her. It was overwhelming her and Negan could sense it. When her eyes began tearing over in frustration, Negan stepped forward and reached out to hit the end button on the call. “Negan?”

“The way he’s talking to you is bullshit,” Negan pointed out with a shake of his head and he got up from where he was seated. The sound of her phone vibrating was heard again and Negan reached for her phone before she could answer it. Knowing that it was her husband, Negan slid her phone in his pocket and reached for her hands to pull her up from the seat that she was in. “I realize he’s your husband, but there has to be a point where you tell him to fuck off.”

“And if I do that, I’m just going to have to listen to this forever,” Y/N tried to reach for her phone from Negan’s pocket, but he held his hands up to brace them over her shoulders to keep her back. “If I take it, by the time that I get home maybe he will cool down and I don’t have to listen to it anymore…”

“What he’s doing is not right,” Negan maintained. His brow line was wrinkled while he shook his head. He tried to get her eyes to lock on his so she would listen to him.

“Yeah, but I’m honestly scared of him Negan,” she confessed and he let out an upset breath. “If I do tell him to fuck off, he might get to the point where he explodes. I’m actually so worried about him that I genuinely believe that he is crazy enough to come to the school and somehow get me fired.”

“That’s abuse though,” Negan stated firmly, shaking his head the more he thought about it. “You don’t have to continue to put up with that. That’s not how any relationship should be.”

“I know that Negan and you are right, I just…I don’t know what to do,” she admitted, throwing her hands up in the air and Negan frowned. There was a tear that slid down the side of her face and he felt awful seeing it.

“Y/N…you are crying,” Negan pointed out seeing that her eyes were full of tears that were threatening to fall after taking the abuse from her husband. His hands slid up her body to softly cup her face in his rough hands. “You shouldn’t have to keep taking his abuse. You deserve so much better than what you are going with Spencer. You are an amazing, beautiful girl and he’s a fucking fool for not realizing how truly wonderful you are.”

“You’re just saying that to be nice,” she half laughed seeing the way that Negan’s bright hazel eyes were staring out at her. The way the sun was filtering into the room made them shine, showing the green in his eyes all the more. Negan was a beautiful man and the fact that he cared about her like he did touched her. “You’re my friend.”

“Which means I know you probably better than he does. I’m with you every day,” Negan explained with a crooked smile and he shrugged his shoulders while his thumbs stroked over the sides of her face. “Except the weekends. And on the weekends, I look forward to Monday because then I get to come back and see you.”

“Careful saying that to Lucille,” Y/N teased knowing that Negan also had a wife that he had problems with as well. The both of them had in fact bonded over their marriage problems and it made it easier for them to be able to talk to each other. “I’m not sure that she would be okay hearing those things.”

“She wouldn’t be,” Negan acknowledged, biting at his bottom lip while he stroked her face with his rough fingertips. “Spencer has a problem with the fact that you are happy. The fact that you are doing things right. You love your job. You are in a better place than he is with your career. He’s jealous. He wants to be above you and wants to have you be a housewife that lives to only serve him.”

“What am I supposed to do Negan? He’s my husband,” Y/N reminded him and Negan shrugged his shoulders. His thick, squared jaw was flexed and he seemed upset that she felt like she had to keep taking the shit from Spencer. “I don’t have an escape from him.”

“I don’t know, but you shouldn’t have to put up with his bullshit constantly. It kills me coming in here all the time and finding you crying or hurt because of him,” Negan frowned, his right hand brushing into her hair as he spoke. “When you’re married, the person you’re married to should lift you up. Make you feel better and what not. Fuck, this shit is awful. At the end of the day, he only makes you more miserable and I hate to see it.”

“Well, I wish I was married to someone more like you and less like him,” Y/N responded with a hesitant breath, lowering her eyes from Negan and she felt her chest aching. Negan was so entirely kind to her that it was strange. Each day she looked forward to spending time with Negan but hated going home to her husband. Conversations with Negan were fun and engaging. They had a good time hanging out and it was nice having someone to share good moments with. Negan lifted her up more than Spencer ever did. “You get me.”

“And you get me,” Negan gave her a wink when her gaze raised back up to his. The smile he gave her gave her butterflies in her stomach. There was something about Negan’s dimples that charmed the hell out of her. When he’d smile, it’d make her smile. No matter how upset she was. “Everyone here calls you my work wife and me your work husband.”

“That is so cheesy,” she reached up to place her hand over Negan’s, enjoying the warmth of a kind touch against the side of her face. Negan rolled his eyes and snorted at her response. “We’re just really good friends.”

“That are together…a lot,” Negan stated with an arched eyebrow. “I think it’s like supposed to be a cute thing or some shit.”

“Well, I like spending time with you,” she slowly pulled herself away from Negan’s grasps and he let out a long sigh when she moved back for her desk. “How did you know to find me here?”

“Well, when you didn’t show up in my office to pull me out during the pep rally, then I knew that something was up,” Negan answered moving over toward her desk to sit on the edge of it after she sat back down. “You always show up to pull me out when I’m hiding. The kids are going to miss you there. All of your positive energy…”

“I’m sure they are fine,” Y/N cracked a smile and she stopped to think about what was going on with Spencer. While she wanted to pretend that things were okay, she knew they weren’t. “Do you ever wish that you could go back in time and stop yourself from doing something?”

“All the time,” Negan reached for something from her desk to play with it in his large hands. “I think that’s what we all do.”

“Yeah, but I feel like a bad person,” she confessed reached up to rub at her eyes to attempt to get the dampness away from her face. “I knew when I was a kid that I wanted to teach. It’s a sad thing to want to be at the start, but I did. I met Spencer in my first year at high school and he knew that was my goal. At first, he seemed so supportive, but once it started to alter what he thought I should be like…he started becoming an asshole. There was something he said to me right before we got married and I don’t know, I just regret marrying him. God, that sounds awful.”

“No, I understand completely,” Negan set down what he was playing with and reached for her hands to hold them in his rough palms. “Sometimes we think back to what could have been and we wish we could change it. I fucking get it.”

“How do you fix things with Lucille?” Y/N pondered hearing Negan let out a hearty laugh and his eyebrows arched in response.

“Lucille and I hate each other,” Negan reminded her with a shrug of his shoulders. “I gave up playing baseball for her. So that way she could live some kind of a normal life and I’m a fucking gym teacher now because of her.”

“The best gym teacher and coach I know,” Y/N released one of his hands to reach out to squeeze over his knee and Negan gave her a wink. “I’m sorry she made you give up your career in baseball.”

“It’s okay. She fucking hates me too, so it kind of equals itself out,” Negan blurt out and he shrugged his shoulders. “We fight all the time, but unlike your husband…Lucille actually has class and doesn’t throw shit fits in public. Our fights are behind closed doors and she doesn’t like to involve the whole world in our fights.”

“Maybe we should switch spouses,” Y/N joked, nudging Negan’s knee and his eyes looked down toward her hand that was on his leg. “I have a feeling that Lucille and I could really be a decent couple.”

“I’m sure you would,” Negan’s eyes lingered on her hand for a moment before raising his eyes back to hers. “I’m pretty sure I would fucking murder your husband though. So, there is that. Probably shouldn’t switch spouses for that reason alone.”

“Yeah, that would be…bad,” Y/N bit down on her bottom lip at the thought knowing that it was a simple joke, but Negan seemed to get pretty serious after she said it. 

There was a silence that pressed between the two of them and his free hand that wasn’t holding onto hers lifted to stroke over her face again. It was the most Negan had touched her like that, but she just assumed he was trying to comfort her, “You really do deserve better than him. You know that, right? He should never be allowed to treat you like he does.”

“I don’t even know what to do anymore,” she confessed, lifting her hand to press it in over his. The sound of her phone ringing again was heard and she tried to reach for her phone from Negan’s pocket hearing him let out a grunt as he pulled away from her. “Negan, I should probably talk to him.”

“Trust me, avoiding him will make him realize that he’s being an asshole. The longer you let this abuse go on, the more he is going to do it,” Negan insisted while he hopped up from her desk. Y/N attempted to follow him, but he put his hands up and kept her away from him. “Listen to me. I guarantee if you give him time simmer, he is going to realize that you aren’t going to take his shit. It will leave a lasting effect on him in a way you would want.”

“Or he will just get a thousand times angrier and who knows what he will do,” she contended with a shrug of her shoulders, cornering Negan against her desk while she tried to get her phone from his gray sweatpants that he was wearing. Wrestling to get his hands away from blocking her was hard, but she found herself laughing with his childish actions. Falling forward, she came face to face with Negan and heard him let out a sharp breath at the closeness of her. “Negan…”

“I just want things to be better for you Y/N,” Negan’s eyes were hooked on hers and his hands settled in against her hips. The nearness of Negan was drawing her heart to pound inside of her chest and she felt her throat go dry with the warmth of his breath against her lips. “For so long I’ve been coming in here to find you upset. I just want to help you. I want to make you feel better and help you.”

“Then make me feel better,” she suggested and Negan’s serious expression suddenly flooded with an arrogant smile. The way his hazel eyes narrowed caused her to shudder and she felt Negan grabbing a firm hold of her jaw.

“You want me to make you feel better?” Negan repeated her words and part of her wanted to say yes. The other part of her told her that she needed to move away from Negan immediately, but she found herself frozen. A growl fell from Negan’s throat as he closed the distance between them and his lips came crashing down over hers. It caused her to gasp against the motion while he passionately kissed her over and over again. Her palms fell flat against Negan’s chest while he demanded her attention completely. A chill ran down her spine when she breathlessly pulled away from Negan’s kiss. When Negan went to kiss her again, she kept her hands where they were to keep a distance from him. “Is that not what you had in mind?”

“Negan, I just don’t…,” Y/N licked her lips and lowered her head to look down between them. Realizing how close they were actually to each other caused her heart to hammer harder inside of her chest. For so long she had liked being around Negan and she knew that she found him to be an attractive guy, but never would she have ever guessed that their playful banter would have led to this.

“Are you seriously going back for your phone?” Negan grunted, disappointed when she slid her hand into the pocket of his sweatpants. He expected her to grab her phone that he took, but instead tipped his head back when he felt her palming over his body. “That’s…that’s not your cell phone.”

“I wasn’t looking for my cell phone,” she replied pulling her hand from his pocket and reached for the waistband of his sweatpants. Pulling down the front of them along with his boxer briefs, she let out a shuddering breath when his semi-erect cock sprung free from behind the prison it was behind. Reaching down, she wrapped her palm around his manhood, taking her time to caress over his flesh in a delicate manner. “You’re always so nice to me and I love being with you.”

“I love being with you too,” Negan rest back against her desk, his palms bracing his weight while she pumped her hand over his flesh. Tipping his head back, Negan moaned out and grasped tightly to the desk. Appreciating the length of Negan in her hand, she took her time to figure out what he seemed to like the most. It was amazing how responsive Negan was to each touch and stroke she made over him. The way Negan’s lips parted and he breathed drew her attention to his face and liked seeing the reactions she could pull from him while she touched him. Hopefully no one left the pep rally to find her and Negan like this in her classroom. The way Negan was reacting to her pleasuring him made her hot all over. His lips parted and a small moan escaped his throat. “Kiss me.”

The quickness Negan had with how he moved shocked her when his lips collided with hers once more. Their breaths got louder the deeper the kiss got. Negan’s tongue flicked soft strokes against her tongue and she was eager to return the gesture. With the feeling of Negan’s fingers wrapped around her throat, she felt like she was on fire and was eager to give him a gift for all he had done for her.

“Come here…” Negan grabbed a tight hold of her body and quickly spun to get her in the position he was against her desk. Pressing into her throat to get her to lay back, Negan laid in over her and started kissing from her mouth, down her jawline and toward her throat. The way his short beard tickled against her skin felt amazing and she bit down firmly on her bottom lip. “Try to be quiet.”

“What?” she panted when Negan eagerly pulled apart the belt in her slacks. In no time Negan was pulling the black material from her legs. The sound of them dropping to the floor was heard before she was being pulled to the edge of the desk. A nervous whimper escaped her throat with the way Negan was looking her over. It looked like a lion that was about to attack its prey.

“Don’t draw attention to this is what I’m saying,” Negan hushed her as he pushed her panties aside and felt her trembling beneath him. A proud smirk flooded his features when he reached between them to swipe his rough fingertips up the length of her sex. It caused her to shiver and an eager gasp filled the air from her. Negan looked down between them to get a look at her body and it made him smile. When his glance met hers again, his right eyebrow arched up and he dragged his tongue over his bottom lip in a seductive sweep. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

“Negan,” she cried out when he eagerly pushed two fingers into her slick warmth. It made her toss her head back while his long, slender fingers pumped inside of her. The thrusts of his fingers were determined to get her ready for him and she was blown away by how it seemed that he knew just the right places to touch her. “Please Negan…”

Pulling his fingers from her body, Negan grabbed a firm hold of his erection leading the tip to her entrance. Negan pushed his hips forward, sinking his length into her causing the both of them to let out surprised breaths. When she cried out, Negan instinctively leaned in over her to cover her mouth with his to keep her pleasured muffles against his mouth. When Negan bottomed out inside of her the moan that he released made her clutch tightly to him. How could even the sound of him moaning be that sexy? Gradually, Negan started to thrust inside of Y/N testing the waters between the two of them. It was the first time she had been with someone who was so perceptive and caring about the things that she seemed to like. His eyes were hooked on hers and when something caused her to react, he would move that way to pleasure her. That wasn’t something she was used to with her husband. Spencer really just did whatever he wanted and that’s why she was never really eager to have sexual relations with him. Things never felt right with Spencer, but with Negan it felt so right and they had only just started. 

“You feel incredible,” Negan hummed against her lips, nipping seductively at her bottom lip. Tugging softly at it drew a mewl from her and he smiled brightly.

“So do you,” she tugged at Negan’s hair, eager to have his lips back over hers. Kissing Negan felt incredible as he started bucking his hips forward again and again. The way his body moved inside of hers felt better than anything she had experienced before. With where they were, she knew that she shouldn’t have been making as much noise as she was, but she couldn’t help it. The things Negan was doing to her made her feel like she was on top of the world. 

Negan’s hands reached for hers, slamming them down against the desk above her head. There was a sense of shock with how he was manhandling her, but she liked it. Hooking his fingers with hers, Negan started pumping his body into her over and over again. Their loud breaths filled the empty classroom and the sound of their skin smacking also echoed around them.

Tossing her head back, Y/N closed her eyes and felt Negan kissing at her jawline and toward her neck to bite softly at her skin. Something like this shouldn’t have felt as good as it truly did. Negan’s fingers squeezed around hers and she licked her lips.

“I wish I had all night to fuck you,” Negan slurred, his words vibrating against her earlobe. The sound of his deep, raspy voice was like music to her ears and each stroke his cock made inside of her was causing her to shake against him. “We just have to finish before this fucking pep rally ends…”

Negan’s thrusts were incredibly fast for a moment and it was hard to keep her cries to herself. Obviously, Negan caught on to the fact that she was being too loud because his right hand slid in over her mouth to keep her quiet. The last thing they needed was her being too loud and getting them caught from someone working at the school or one of the students. It was a good thing too because Y/N felt a fire growing in the pit of her belly. The friction of Negan’s body rubbing up against hers was drawing her hips to shiver and shake against him. Undoubtedly, he picked up on it because each rock of hips into hers felt drawn out and deliberate.

Whimpering against Negan’s hand, Y/N arched her hips up toward him and rocked into his thrusts. A liquid warmth rushed through her body and made her see white when Negan got her to an orgasm. Something she hadn’t felt in a very long time. When she was with Spencer, he did a very poor job with getting her off, so when Negan got her to one, her body was on fire and a shivering mess. It was a pure, blissful moment that was followed by the thick rumble of a deep laughter that Negan had. He was proud of himself and how much he affected her. Hell, he had every right to be. The way he just made her feel was like nothing she could even begin to explain. It was phenomenal and she was breathless. 

“Come here baby,” Negan urged, pulling her from the desk and her legs wobbled beneath her when Negan pulled his body from hers. Negan dramatically dropped back against her desk chair and then reached out to hook his arms around Y/N’s hips to pull her in over him. “Ride me sweetheart. Show me how good you are at taking charge.”

Doing as he asked, Y/N reached between them to lead him back inside of her. Immediately, his hips rocked up toward her and he was desperate for the movement. She was doing her best, but truthfully her body was still riding that high that Negan had gotten her to. Everything was sensitive and still shaking, but she knew they needed to finish soon so she started rolling her hips over Negan’s length with what little strength she had left.

“Fucking fantastic,” Negan grabbed a hold of her hips, sliding his palms in over her full bottom. Squeezing at the flesh, Negan hummed and then spanked firmly over her bottom making her cry out. The way Negan dragged his tongue out over his bottom lip was incredibly sexy and she found herself grabbing a hold of the material of his t-shirt, bawling it up at the center of his chest. “I’m almost there beautiful.”

Negan’s arm wrapped around her shoulders, drawing her near him while her chin rest against his shoulder. Negan’s mouth was kissing over the side of her neck. Her hips were bouncing over his length and he eagerly met her with his thrusts eager to reach a release himself.

“Fuck…” Negan threw his head back and her lips covered his to keep him silent when his deep moans escaped his throat. Y/N nipped softly at Negan’s lips while he slowed her movements over him. The pulsating of his cock was felt inside of her as he emptied himself in her. The strength his hands had on her hips was strong and she found herself crying at the sensation. When he was done, she felt her body weak and falling against his while he stroked his fingers in over the back of her neck. “That was amazing…”

It took a while for them to gather themselves. They both were worn out with what they had done to finish before the pep rally was over and when she shakily pulled herself from his body Negan hummed out in approval when his cock smacked against his lower abdomen.

“Here,” Negan reached for the tissues that were on her desk and he grabbed a few for her to clean herself up with. Taking a few for himself, Negan cleaned himself off and then pulled his sweatpants back over his hips. Y/N was shakily attempting to pull her slacks back over her legs and Negan moved in behind her to help her brace herself. When she got the material up her body, the sensation of Negan kissing over her jawline caused her to sigh. “That was fucking fantastic.”

“It was,” she agreed in a breathless whisper while he nipped at her skin. “Was this wrong?”

“No, this was very right,” Negan insisted with a shake of his head, nuzzling his nose against the side of her neck. “You wanted to feel better and I made you feel better. It was very much right.”

Negan wrapped his arms around her from behind, holding her tightly against him while he deposited soft kisses over her neck, “You have to admit that’s been a buildup between us. It was probably inevitable with how much time we spend together.”

“I’ve never…I’ve never cheated on Spencer,” she informed Negan feeling his kisses stopping and she reached down to hook her fingers with his. “Does this make me a bad person?”

“You’re not a bad person for wanting a change Y/N. Spencer has been treating you like shit for so long and you deserve so much better than that,” Negan answered her, his words vibrating against her flesh. It caused a chill to run down her spine and she realized in that moment she still ached. It was an ache in the most amazing way and her body felt remarkable with what Negan had took her to, but her mind was lost in panic. “Spencer treats you less than human and you shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“But you’re married too Negan,” she looked down toward his left hand to see the golden band that was around his ring finger. In the past Y/N had actually met Lucille and she was suddenly starting to feel a burst of guilt flooding her entire body. “God, what did we do?”

“I’m in a miserable marriage Y/N,” Negan turned her in his arms and reached up to grasp her face loosely in his hands. “You know that. You know I’ve been unhappy for a very long time. So have you and for the last few months the one thing we’ve always had was each other to count on. You’re not wrong for what you did. We’re not wrong for attempting to make each other feel good. We succeeded in that. Don’t we deserve to feel good sometimes?”

Nodding, Y/N felt Negan lean in to press his lips to hers to kiss her in a reassuring way and it took her breath away the way he did it. The sound of voices started filling the hallway and Negan pulled away from Y/N, stepping back and away from her.

“Don’t feel bad for this Y/N,” Negan squeezed her hands one final time before giving her a wink. “In fact, I think this was a wonderful thing and you are going to start to realize that very soon.”

“Negan,” she went to speak up again and the sound of her classroom door being pulled open was heard making her clear her throat uneasily. “I need my phone back.”

“Oh,” Negan flashed her a bright smile after he pulled her phone from his pocket. Quickly he set on the edge of her desk and she could see that Spencer had called several times. As Negan moved away, she dropped down in her desk chair and still felt herself shivering.

It was the end of the day so she wouldn’t have to suffer through sitting through class very long. A few of the students were talking with Negan and he was very much acting like nothing happened. How he went from doing what they were to acting so normal was entirely too bizarre for her, but she knew that she liked what happened. That just made her feel like an awful person.

When school was over and she had to head to basketball practice with the girls, her body didn’t have the strength in it to really move around much. Hell, her mind was on other things and it was probably noticeable, but she did her best to focus and get through practice. It was hard not thinking about what happened with Negan. It was a big deal.

After practice, she was packing things up and just found herself lost. It took her quite some time to even find the energy to pull herself from her thoughts to even leave the school. One thing Y/N never thought she would be was a cheater, yet here she was. She didn’t hate that she slept with Negan, she hated the way her mind led her to believe she was a bad person because of it. Sex with Negan was the best sex she had ever had. Even if it was just a quick romp before the students returned to the classroom, her body found itself longing for more from him.

When she finally did make it home, it was hard for her to even look Spencer in the eye, so she avoided talking to him all together. She set her things down and went to the kitchen to make herself something to eat. The vibration of her phone in her pocket was felt and she pulled it out to see that Negan had sent her a text message.

_Today was incredible. Can’t get you off my mind._

Reading those words made her chest hurt. Maybe she was an awful person for doing what she did. Spencer was her husband, but all she could think when she closed her eyes was the way it felt to have Negan’s lips over hers.

Was Negan uncomfortable at home with Lucille too over what they did? She had so many questions and thoughts flooding through her mind that she didn’t text Negan back. Closing her phone, she set it on the table and let out a gasp when she lifted her head to see Spencer entering the kitchen. He leaned back against the wall and folded his arms out in front of his chest.

“That was bold what you did on the phone today,” Spencer spoke up, his eyebrows bouncing up while his brown eyes were hooked on hers. “I get the point though. You were at work and I should have left that conversation for when you came home.”

“The students were just coming in,” Y/N lied and Spencer threw his hands up in the air. “I understand that you are upset…”

“Just confused,” Spencer answered moving over toward the refrigerator to reach for a beer from the inside.

“Spencer, do you love me?” she inquired and Spencer snorted. His nose wrinkled when she asked him that, but she was desperate to know because at this point, she was questioning if she even loved Spencer.

“Of course I love you,” Spencer answered with a shrug. “I just don’t like you all the time.”

“Okay…” she breathed out, not sure how to respond to that.

“When I started dating you, I realized I was one of the luckiest men alive. I had to have you for myself,” Spencer recalled what it was like when he started dating Y/N at their young age. “I knew that you were a good catch and we needed to get married. Have a life together. My mother fucking loved you and so did my dad. Loving you makes sense.”

“But that makes it sound forced,” Y/N pointed out and Spencer rolled his eyes when she said that. “I feel like we got married because we were expected to get married.”

“I’m not sure I agree with that,” Spencer snorted, taking a long swig of his beer. “Listen, I know you’re questioning things because of us fighting all the time. It’s just…relationships are about compromise. You know? And I feel like maybe…maybe you’re not compromising enough for this marriage. I give you all the time you want for work and…”

“Spencer, I never give you a hard time when you disappear on the weekends to have a boy’s thing. I never lecture you for any of the things you do,” she reminded him knowing that on so many occasions, she just let him do things no questions asked. “Why is my job worse than that?”

“Because I feel like you are married to your job and not me,” Spencer explained heading back toward the entrance of the kitchen again. “Just for once I would like to feel appreciated by you and I don’t. I come home from work and I wait for you. Every night. I just think you should look at other marriages and realize that they are about compromise and making things work. If you want this marriage to work, you need to change.”

“It’s not all on me,” Y/N placed her hand firmly over the center of her chest feeling her heart pounding inside of her.

“Well, like you said…you’ve never had a problem with what I do. I however do have a problem with the things you do,” Spencer twirled his finger in the air and sighed heavily. “So, if I’m the one having the problem and you’re not, then it has to be you.”

“What do you expect me do?” she blurt out and Spencer shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t just give up my job and my responsibilities.”

“But you had responsibilities when you decided to marry me,” Spencer grumbled underneath his breath watching her face turn pale when he said it. “And those are things that you have not been doing for a very long time. You married me before you got that damn job. I think you need to start to learn to balance the two.”

Leaving her with that final comment, Spencer left the kitchen. Y/N stayed in the kitchen thinking about everything for a very long time. After what happened between her and Negan along with the things that Spencer just said to her, this was going to be a hard night. The anger she had toward Spencer and the longing she had for only confused her more. What was the right thing to do? Because in this situation, she had no idea.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N has conflicting feelings about what happened between her and Negan. The guilt eats away at her and clouds her judgement on how she truly feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing/editing this very tired, so I apologize for any errors that are in here. Hope all is well!

An overwhelming sense of exhaustion filled Y/N’s body as she walked into the school a little over an hour before class was supposed to start. Last night, she hadn’t slept at all. For the longest time she avoided just going to the bedroom to be with Spencer. When he went upstairs to sleep, she stayed in the living room to just sit and think about things. The idea of being in bed with Spencer right now just felt wrong. Having her husband close to her after what she did with Negan seemed morally wrong. Maybe she was thinking too much into things, but the thought really bothered her.

It was hard planning out what she was going to do. She knew if she stayed downstairs and slept on the couch that Spencer would suspect something. Just staying downstairs late into the night would only give hint to the fact that maybe she was still mad at him for the things he said over the phone. Knowing that she didn’t want Spencer to be suspicious, she really had to force herself to go upstairs. By the time she finally made it to the bedroom, Spencer was already asleep. Considering he had no problem falling asleep every night, he was probably asleep for quite some time when she got there. The strength it took for her to actually crawl in bed with him was probably too much. While it should have made it easier that he was out cold and very much asleep, it didn’t. When she got in bed, she had laid on the furthest edge away from Spencer. After what happened between her and Negan earlier, it really opened her eyes to things she had never genuinely thought about Spencer. Being here, close to Spencer just felt wrong.

Things had been so complicated between Y/N and Spencer for quite some time. It just took what happened with Negan for Y/N to fully see how awful Spencer truly was with her. The way Spencer talked to her was appalling and she knew it was wrong, but never considered really doing anything about it. It was different now.

All night she shifted and twisted in bed. It should have been easy for her to fall asleep with Spencer sleeping, but it wasn’t. Her mind wouldn’t stop thinking and her body just wanted to wiggle all night long. Not once did she get comfortable.

In the dark, it was easier for her mind to linger and picture what it was like to have Negan’s hands touching her. Constantly she kept replaying in her mind what it felt like to have him inside of her. Her body was hooked on Negan, but her mind was fighting her every step of the way. While she enjoyed what happened with Negan, the problem was that it left her a cheater. There were certain morals Y/N always held about herself and she never thought she would cheat.

By morning after making herself suffer all night long, Y/N made sure that she was up before Spencer was. She got ready for work at a remarkably fast rate and made sure she was gone before he made it downstairs. Spencer was used to her leaving early, so he wouldn’t think anything of it.

Reaching her office, Y/N was thankful that most people weren’t at the school yet. The one thing she was worried about the most was facing Negan after everything that happened. Every day they saw each other. Multiple times a day. That was going to make this weird.

Y/N had never written Negan back last night when she sent her that text message. It just felt wrong to do that. In the past they would text all night sometimes sending each other silly things. In a way Negan was her best friend, but now…things were complicated. Writing back and forth with him all night would remind her all over again what they had done and she was trying to get her mind off all of that.

Sitting down at her desk, Y/N got things prepared for her classes. She was trying to find it in herself to put her personal life aside so she could focus on the things that were most important with her job. After getting a few things situated, she heard the sound of rustling behind her and before she could react, she felt hands pressing in over her eyes.

“Guess who?” the deep familiar raspy voice pressed in over her earlobe making her swallow down hard. It caused a chill to run down her spine when the soft rumble of laughter filled her small office.

“Negan,” she muttered his name and felt him pulling his hands from her eyes. Turning her chair, Y/N saw the incredibly radiant smile that Negan had over his face. Damn. Why did his smile have to affect her like that? Just seeing it made butterflies develop in her stomach.

“Good morning,” Negan stroked a piece of hair out of her face. There was something different in the way he was looking at her that took her breath away. Before she knew it, Negan was tipping down to press a quick kiss over her lips which shocked her when he did it. “You okay?”

“Perfect,” she lied, but with him in her face with his lips over hers it was hard to be honest that had a miserable night. How was he so comfortable with kissing her like this? Sure, they were touchy with each other, but never ones for kissing each other to say hello.

“Close your eyes,” Negan rumbled and it made a chill run down her spine.

“For what?” she breathed out in a long shallow breath. Suddenly the things he would normally do just seemed odd for her.

There were so many questions she still had lingering. Like…were they at the point that they were going to kiss each other when they saw each other now? Why was he not acting strange like her? Tons of questions wanted to fall from her lips, but she just stayed quiet.

“Just humor me,” he begged, bouncing his eyebrows and she reluctantly did what he asked. The sound of him shuffling in her office was heard and she bit down on her bottom lip. They should have been talking about what happened yesterday, not having some kind of silly interaction like this. Then again, this wasn’t strange for Negan. He often did silly things to make her smile. This was no different than normal. What was different was the fact they had slept together. So, for Negan…this was all pretty ordinary. Carefully, Negan turned her back in her chair to face the desk and she let out a shuddering breath. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

“You sure?” she confirmed hearing Negan moving behind her and the sound of the door to her office closing was heard. Unhurriedly opening her eyes, she saw that Negan had brought her coffee and breakfast like he often would do in the past. Joining it was a small bouquet of flowers and she felt her heart skip a beat in her chest. The gesture made goosebumps develop over her flesh while Negan took a seat in one of the chairs that she had lined up against the wall beside her for when students would come talk to her. The flowers were peonies which were her favorite flower. “How did you know…?”

“I remembered when we talked about your wedding a few years ago,” Negan interrupted her watching her reach out to touch the flowers. There was a sense of surprise and he shrugged. “I know they are your favorites.”

“You don’t have to do this Negan,” she felt her awe for Negan growing knowing that not even Spencer would buy her flowers to just buy her flowers. Hell, she even wondered if Spencer knew her favorite flowers. How did he remember something she told him years ago? Even the thought of that was amazing to her.

“I get your breakfast every Friday,” Negan reminded her with a long sigh, stretching his long legs out while he got comfortable with his coffee that he had gotten for himself in his hand. “You know that.”

“I mean the flowers. You don’t have to give me flowers because we…” she paused herself when she thought about what they had done. Looking over at Negan, she could see his eyebrow arch in curiosity when she stopped saying what she was headed for. “Because we had sex.”

“I just wanted to give you something nice. Not only because we had sex,” Negan reasoned with her and he almost pouted when she said that. “After a day of being treated like shit, I just thought you might like something nice to lift up your spirits. Getting you your favorite flowers just seemed like the appropriate thing for me to do. Yesterday was a hard day for you.”

This was wrong. Negan was making her swoon. And bad. The things he said and did this morning alone was enough to draw her into thinking maybe what they did wasn’t such a bad thing after all. No one treated her like he did. So why was she feeling so damn bad about all of this? 

Trying to avoid the emotions that were clouding her judgement, she grabbed the breakfast sandwich Negan brought for her. Often Negan would get something for them to share together for breakfast. Separating the sandwich, she held her hand out for Negan to take his half. A nervous breath fell from her lips when his rough fingertips dragged against hers. It almost seemed like he was trying to do it on purpose which made her eyes slam shut again. Even the faintest of touches from his fingertips against hers was driving her wild with desire for him. 

“I was thinking before the game tonight you might want to grab a quick dinner with me, or something?” Negan spoke up after taking a big bite of what she had handed him over. When her eyes finally opened, she noticed that Negan was staring out at her with his intense hazel eyes. Forcing herself to look away from him, Y/N swallowed down knowing that she usually always would volunteer with the games that Negan was coaching. He would usually do the same thing for her too. They were always together. It was just something she thought she had grown accustomed to but wondered if they had ruined their work relationship now because of what they had done. “Nothing spectacular. Just like a burger or something. Maybe we can share a shake.”

“Negan, we can’t do this,” she finally said what had been on her mind all night. Is it what she wanted to say? Hell no. It wasn’t anywhere near that. It was what she needed to say. It was something they should have been talking about all along. Not act like what happened was perfectly fine. Her comment made Negan chuckle and it caused a flush to develop over her cheeks.

“Okay, well if that kind of thing bothers you, we can get two milkshakes. I know I can get pretty greedy when it comes to my milkshakes,” Negan gave her a wink and she let out a frustrated sound. It was intended to be a cute, silly comment, but it drew her to be frustrated with him. Letting out a long sigh, Negan knew that this wasn’t going over well and he held his hand up in the air. “What is it?”

“Negan, we had sex yesterday,” she reminded him point blank. For her, that was a bad thing. Yet, for him, it seemed like it was a good thing. There was a grin that expanded over his features that was very cocky when she recalled what they had done the day before.

“And it was incredible,” Negan stated with a shrug of his shoulders. So that meant it didn’t bother him at all? Clearly, that was the case. Regret was not an emotion she could read from him as he finished off his half of the breakfast sandwich she had given him.

“We’re both married Negan,” Y/N grunted when she realized that this didn’t seem to effect Negan the way it did her. Even at that, it should have bothered her more because she still found herself longing for Negan. How couldn’t she with how cute and charming he had been with her already this morning? Morally, it was wrong what they did. No matter how great it felt. That was the real sucky part about everything. “There is something seriously wrong with what we did yesterday.”

“How could it be seriously wrong if it felt amazingly right?” Negan put up the rebuttal. It caused her throat to go dry and she rest back against her seat. “All I could think about last night was you. How amazing it felt to be inside of you. How you reacted to every thrust, every kiss…”

“Trust me, you were all I could think about,” she claimed and Negan was proud to hear that from her. “And it did feel fantastic.”

“Then how could it be so wrong?” Negan inquired, giving her something to think about. “For as long as I could remember each moment I’ve spent with you has left me feeling amazing. Yesterday only enhanced that feeling for me.”

“I get it,” she wanted to say something more, but the more he said the more she realized she knew that was how she felt too, but it seemed like she was supposed to feel immoral about Spencer. There was a sense of anger inside of herself that she didn’t feel guiltier for what she had done. She just knew how society would view them if they found out she had an affair with Negan. Y/N and Negan would be the bad guys. No matter how awful Spencer treated her. “I just don’t think people would agree with us. They’d probably say what we did was wrong.”

“Listen, I won’t tell if you don’t,” Negan snorted and he watched her brow line tense. “What?”

“I just…” she shifted uncomfortable in her chair and Negan frowned.

“What do you want me to say Y/N?” Negan wondered seeing that his answers seemed to be upsetting her in some way. “I’m not going to say that I regret what happened yesterday because I don’t. It was amazing for me and it was something that I cherish very much. “Do you regret it?”

“Not really,” she whispered knowing that her answer should have been something else. “I just know how I should be feeling and I don’t feel that way. Which makes me feel guilty and like something is seriously wrong with me.”

“That doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. You just see that you deserve better,” Negan reasoned with her knowing that she was letting this eat away at her more than she should have been. “Y/N, we’ve got something good here between the both of us. We always have. Whenever things in life were hard for us over the last few years, we’ve been there for each other.”

“I thought…you were my best friend,” she admitted and Negan’s eyebrows furrowed when she said it.

“We are best friends, but you can’t pretend that we weren’t incredibly attracted to each other before,” Negan responded with a snort while tossing one of his hands in the air when he reached for his coffee. “It was always there. The both of us were just too scared to make a move. Everything had been happening for a long time. Yesterday just made us realize it was time to finally show it.”

“I just thought it was normal to be charmed by your best friend,” Y/N explained and Negan cocked his head to the side letting out a tight laugh. It was hard looking at those dimples because she was without a doubt attracted to Negan. Even before they had sex, every time he smiled it made her weak. “It’s hard not to like someone who is incredibly nice to you.”

“Yes, we both were charmed by each other for quite some fucking time. It had to be obvious how I felt though Y/N. I have been trying to tell you how I’ve felt for so long,” Negan asserted before taking a small sip of his coffee. “I don’t know how you couldn’t see it. I’ve never hid the way I feel. I was always leaving you little gifts or notes.”

“I guess I just…” Y/N closed her eyes tightly knowing that she had always found the little notes that Negan left her cute. So many of them were in her desk and seeing them would always make her happy. It was like her instant pick me up whenever she looked at them before. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I think you are too worried about the world around you to realize how things have been between us,” Negan suggested knowing that she seemed to be thinking more of what society would think of her over what felt right to her. “You saw it. I saw it. Other people saw it. We really like each other. You were just so blinded by the fear of Spencer that we never acted on it.”

“Negan,” she frowned knowing that he was right. Negan was always doing special things for her and deep down she had to have realized it was something more than just him being friendly. She was the only person at that school he would do things like that for. Sure, he was genuinely a flirt, but she was the only person he always went above and beyond for.

“I know you feel guilty Y/N, but you shouldn’t,” Negan urged after he set his coffee down and he scoot forward in the chair that he was sitting in so he could be closer to her. “After the way the both of us have been treated by our spouses, can you blame us for what happened? It was bound to happen eventually.”

“I’m a skank Negan. Sleeping with a married man,” she spoke out how she was feeling and Negan reached out to cup her face in his hands in a tender fashion.

“You’re not a skank. You’ve slept with me and Spencer,” Negan rejected her claim and he let out a hesitant laugh. “Listen, I think it’s bothering you because you know there is something between the two of us and society tells you that it’s wrong. What society doesn’t mention is how abusive marriages leave you. We’re not wrong for what we did.”

“It feels so right that I know it’s wrong,” she confessed and Negan’s thumb traced over her bottom lip in a subtle sweet.

“Tell me this feels wrong,” Negan leaned forward, his lips descending over hers in a passionate sweep. At first, she was worried against his lips, but the longer he kissed her the more she seemed to fall into it. How couldn’t she think this wasn’t amazing? The sensation of his lips kissing against hers persuaded her to deepen the kiss and he groaned against her lips. When she realized what they were doing, her hand placed in over the center of his chest to stop him. “It doesn’t feel wrong.”

“It feels perfect,” she acknowledged knowing that she loved the feeling of his lips over hers. The ache inside of her chest grew because she knew that everything he was saying was right. She liked Negan and she liked Negan a lot. Being with him, kissing him it all felt like the rightest thing in the world. “If this were different…if we weren’t married this would be so much easier for me.”

“We can’t change the fact that we are married,” Negan’s fingers slid in over the back of her neck and he urged her forward to pull her into another kiss, but she stopped him before he could.

“We know Spencer is mentally abusive, but what is wrong with Lucille?” Y/N’s lips parted as she attempted to figure out in her mind why this may have been right to do. Was there ever a right reason to have an affair? 

“You know why, we’ve talked about this. With my career, she ruined it. Threatening to leave me if I went forward with it,” Negan reminded her and he sighed heavily when he thought about his relationship woes with Lucille. “She’s angry with me because she’s wanted to have a baby for so long. We’ve tried, but we can’t get pregnant and she blames me for that. You wouldn’t believe the way she is with me Y/N.”

“I know how she is with you,” she reminded him with a frown and reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “Affairs complicate things and you…you’re my best friend. I don’t want to ruin what the two of us have.”

“It won’t ruin what we have. The only way it will ruin what we have is if we let it,” Negan suggested, his eyebrows becoming extremely expressive as he spoke. “Every time I see, you take my breath away. For the first time in a very long time, I’m eager to be here. I get here early because I want to be near you. Just around you…I feel better than I ever have.”

“Damn it,” she felt her bottom lip trembling knowing that the more he spoke, the more she was falling for Negan and it shouldn’t have been like this. “Why do you have to make this so hard?”

“It doesn’t have to be hard,” Negan reasoned with her knowing that she was having a hard time coming to terms with everything. “You have suffered long enough putting up with Spencer, right?”

“Trust me, my heart wants to agree with everything you’re saying,” she alerted him knowing that Negan was perfect for her. He was handsome. He was sweet and just overall amazing. It was just the fact that they were both married that made this so wrong. The vows she had done with Spencer echoed through her mind and that made the guilt linger. She made a promise. A promise she broke.

“Then let it,” Negan hushed her, managing to get her to kiss him again and he could feel her stroking at the side of his face. Brushing his tongue up against hers caused her to whimper and she pulled her mouth from his. “It will work itself out with time.”

“I’m sorry Negan, we just can’t do this,” she denied, reaching up to swipe the pad of her thumb over her bottom lip. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“Just give it some time to think about it,” Negan offered knowing that Y/N was a good person and this was likely just weighing heavy on her. “Come to the game tonight and after the game we can talk things out.”

“I don’t think I’ll be coming to the game tonight,” she informed him, clearing her throat when she pushed her chair back toward the desk. “I think it’s best I go home and work on my marriage Negan.”

“I think you need to really think about this Y/N,” Negan blurt out, attempting to get her to realize what he was saying wasn’t a bad thing. “You’re always hurting. The only way you are going to make your marriage work is if you succumb to the things that Spencer wants from you. He won’t be satisfied with you being who truly are. There is nothing you could do to fix that marriage.”

“Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I don’t compromise enough,” she pondered what Spencer has said to her the night before and Negan let out a laugh.

“We both know that’s bullshit. You are married to a misogynistic prick,” Negan grunted and she let out a heavy exhale. “You can lie to yourself right now to make yourself feel bad about us, but you know that I’m right about him. No matter what you did with me, he would continue to be abusive toward you. There is always going to be something you’re doing wrong in his eyes. No matter how much you convert yourself to what he wants.”

“I just need some space right now Negan,” she begged feeling her chest throbbing at the sight of his hurt expression when she said that. “I need to figure things out and you here isn’t helping.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want things to change between us,” Negan repeated what she had said earlier and she nodded. “You pushing me away is the complete opposite of what we are normally like. That’s changing things between us.”

“I just need time to figure out what I’m going to do,” she declared and Negan let out an upset breath when he stood up from the chair that he was in. When he moved for the door, she called out to him and saw the disappointed look he gave her. “I’m sorry.”

Instead of saying anything in response, Negan gave her a frown and pulled the door open before leaving. It was close to class starting anyways, so it was good that he ended up leaving.

Y/N went through with classes until her break knowing that she had to get through the day without letting this affect her. More than anything she wanted to be a good teacher. Personal life should have come second to her job right now. After how hard she fought to be in the position she was in, Y/N knew that all of this with Negan had to be secondary.

When it was lunch, she headed back to her office and felt lonely when she found it empty. Often Negan would be there waiting for her, but he was clearly giving her what she wanted in leaving her be. This is what she asked for. Why was she getting upset with him not being there?

Dropping down in her seat, she looked at her desk to stare at the small bouquet of flowers. Reaching out, she noticed that there was a small card inside that she hadn’t noticed earlier. Flipping it open, she felt her heart hammer inside of her chest when she read it.

_You are beautiful inside and out. Nobody compares to you._

“Shit,” she bit down on her bottom lip and closed the card knowing that Negan was perfect. No one made her feel special like he did and it was like that long before they had slept together. Just sleeping with him brought all of this into fruition. How had she been so blind to this before?

At the end of the day, Y/N had packed up her things like she had said she would. Maybe before she made some kind of decision it was best to go home and spend time with Spencer. It could have just been a bad day. If she did what Spencer wanted in coming home immediately after work, she should have seen what he was like.

God, when she got in the car, she realized how truly pathetic that thought was. Was she really willing to give up who she was for Spencer at this point? Going home immediately meant that she was willing to the housewife that Spencer wanted. The one that would bend the knee and give him everything he asked of her. Spencer knew what he was getting into when he married her. Now that he was blaming her for everything and not taking any credit whatsoever made her realize how truly stupid her thoughts had been all morning.

Instead of leaving, she found herself frozen in the driver’s seat of her car while she sat in the parking lot of the school. If she left, she was giving up Negan. She was giving up who she was and what she loved. It was giving Spencer everything he wanted. She shouldn’t have had to give up herself to be the person that Spencer wanted her to be. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she couldn’t truly do that. She liked who she was. Loving her job didn’t make her a bad person. It made Spencer the wrong one. Not her.

Turning off the car, she just sat there and played out the pros and cons in her head. There was no comparison between Negan and Spencer. There was not once that Spencer ever did something thoughtful like bring her flowers. Spencer never left her little notes to make her feel special. What she had with Negan long before this week was more special than she could have ever pictured to have with Spencer. The problem was just that she made a promise to be a good wife to Spencer. When they got married, she said forever. Now she was regretting those words more than she was regretting what she did with Negan.

Her conflictions left her frozen. Strangely enough she sat in the parking lot thinking out her life for a while. Even when people started to show up for the game, she stayed in the car. It took a while before she got out of the car and headed for the bleachers to watch the game. Of course, by watching the game it meant watching Negan. Instead of focusing on the field, she was focused on Negan with the students.

She always knew Negan was incredible. She crushed on him so bad, but never thought she would have ever acted on it. It just felt so good at the time to have someone treat her good after years of being treated like shit.

The way Negan was with the students always blew her away. Most of them liked Negan and his sarcastic, over the top attitude. It was obvious just by how the students interacted with him as a coach how much they liked and respected him.

Maybe she should have gone to Negan, but that might have messed up the game for him as a coach, so she sat there instead. When everything was over, she found herself staying at the school. When everyone else was gone, she saw that Negan’s Mustang was still in the parking lot so she headed back inside of the school. Moving into the locker rooms, she had found his office empty, but the sound of the showers running was heard. Heading toward the sound, she stopped at the entrance to the showers when she saw Negan taking a shower. He was facing away from her, his naked back glistening as the water poured down over his body.

Following the flow of the water down his body led her eyes to focus on his small, tight bottom. A long sigh filled the showers and Negan braced his hands against the wall of the shower. The steam from the shower he was taking was surrounding the room around them.

Negan was right. She never felt as good as she did when she was with him. Starting to pull apart the buttons in her shirt, Y/N knew she wasn’t thinking with reason at this point, but she didn’t care. Getting undressed, she set her clothes aside and moved quietly into the showers. Carefully she moved in behind Negan and wrapped her arm around him. Negan tensed up when he felt her palm sliding down over his wet abdomen, her fingers teasing through the hair covering his torso.

“Jesus,” Negan looked over his shoulder shocked to see that Y/N was behind him and he let out a relieved breath when he saw it was her. “No lie, I thought one of the fucking boys was coming in here to cop a feel.”

“I wouldn’t blame them if they did,” she snickered, tipping up on her toes to kiss over Negan’s shoulder. A sharp breath escaped his throat when she took her time peppering her kisses over his wet flesh. The freckles over his shoulders made her smile. Considering she had never seen him shirtless before, she was eager to take in all of him. The freckles were an adorable feature that made her smile. After taking her time to trace over them, she urged him to turn toward her. It was hard not to stare. Learning his body became a priority after this long and he was completely enchanting.

“I thought you needed space,” Negan felt her pressing him back against the shower wall and he sighed heavily while the water continued to pour down over him. When she stepped forward under the stream with him, he reached out to slide his hands down over her naked hips. “Damn…look at you.”

“Look at you,” she repeated his words with an arched brown, dragging her hand from the center of his wet chest and then down toward his abdomen. The smile that expanded over Negan’s face while she looked at him caused a warmth to flood at her core. Everything about him was perfect. From his broad shoulders, to his hairy chest, down his long slender abdomen and to his firm hips where the most flawless V shape led toward the dark curls of hair at the base of his manhood. Licking her lips, she knew that she had it bad for Negan. “You are remarkable.”

“Well I think you are fucking stunning,” Negan groaned when she slid her fingertips in underneath his navel to graze over the skin. It was obvious where this was going to be headed and Negan knew he was happy that something led her to him. When her palm wrapped around length, he was eager to push his hips in closer to her grasp. There was a want for her to dote on him after she had clearly realized there was something special between them. 

“Did you mean everything that you said earlier?” she bit down on her bottom lip watching Negan’s Adam’s apple bounce in his throat as his body started to stiffen against her touch. Each long, languid stroke seemed to draw a reaction from him and it was so exceptionally sexy.

“With my whole heart,” Negan licked his lips watching her fingers from her other hand tracing over the tattoos that covered his body. The water enhanced the look of them and he found himself pleased with how enthusiastic she was to touch him. “You want to give this a chance?”

“I think I do,” she leaned in to start pressing kisses over Negan’s chest. Instinctively, he lifted his hand to caress in over her shoulder while she did it. It felt good to be with someone as receptive as Negan was. Taking her time, she would deposit wet kisses over his flesh before nipping gingerly at it. When she reached his nipple, she flattened out her tongue over it before sucking softly. 

“Baby girl,” Negan hissed, his face scrunching up when her kisses began to lower down his abdomen and it took everything inside of him not to just let her go through with everything without checking with her first. “Are you sure about this? I don’t think I could handle us coming in on Monday and having you turning me down again like this morning.”

“Negan…” she panted his name noticing the way his fingers stroked over her face. Turning toward his palm she deposited a kiss over the inside of it and purred. “I promise. No one has ever treated me like you have. I’m sorry I said what I did this morning.”

“I just don’t want to lose you,” Negan dragged his thumb over her bottom lip and felt her taking the tip of it between her lips. A growl fell from deep within him while she nibbled at the pad of it before sucking gently.

“I don’t want to lose you from my life either,” she pulled her lips from thumb and his eyes were heavy with lust.

“Never,” he shook his head, swallowing down hard. His eyes were on her like a hawk when she leaned forward, her mouth heatedly kissing over his lower abdomen. Faint moans filled the showers when her lips lowered over his hips. She was still pumping her hand over his length in unhurried strokes. When she reached his erection with her mouth, she trailed her tongue over the length of him. Getting to his tip, she twirled her tongue around it before taking him between her parted lips. “Oh, sweetheart…”

Sliding his fingers into her wet hair, Negan watched her hollow her cheeks while she bobbed her head over his cock. With each flick of her tongue over his body, Negan found his body shaking and deep, raspy moans were escaping his throat. They should have been quieter than they were. Knowing there was still janitors there made this dangerous. But, neither one of them seemed to care all too much about the world around them.

Letting his head drop back against the wall, Negan sucked at his bottom lip. His pulse leapt in his throat while the warmth of Y/N’s mouth surrounded his body. It felt so good to have her doting on him and paying attention to the things that had him reacting. Rocking on his feet, Negan took notice of her delicate caress over his testicles while she pleasured him and he let out a sharp exhale.

“Just wait,” Negan hummed, urging her away from his body with a wet sound. Getting her up to her feet, Negan pulled her to him finding himself incredibly turned on as she licked over her lips. “You are fucking magnificent. You know that?”

Instead of wasting any more time, Negan dragged her to him. Their bodies pressed firmly together and it made her whimper before his mouth fell over hers. Their kiss was wild and reckless. Surer than it was yesterday. The subtle, tender flicks of their tongues drew them closer to each other. Breathlessly, Negan pulled his mouth from hers, but dropped his head enough to take her breast eagerly into his mouth. The soft flicks of his tongue caused her to cry out and a cocky sound followed from Negan.

“Negan,” she purred when Negan moved to her other breast to tease and caress over the other nipple with his talented tongue. The soft flicking, sucking and nipping at her flesh was causing chills to travel her entire body.

Swiftly, Negan stood straight and moved in behind her, his hand palming over the length of her torso. Even though she was trying to hide it, it was clear she was still anxious about this thing going on between them, but he knew she was all in.

“Brace your hands on the wall baby,” Negan ordered, leading her hands to do as he requested of her. When she was steady enough, Negan dragged his fingertips from her arms, down her sides and toward her hips. Pulling her hips out he heard her gasp, but it made smile. “You’re not used to feeling good, are you?”

“Not the kind of good you make me feel,” she was honest and it made a soft rumble of laughter escape Negan’s throat. Kneeling down behind her, Negan reached to push her legs somewhat further apart. Hearing her nervous breath sent a jolt right to his cock and he let out an entertained sound.

“You are so fucking gorgeous,” Negan slurred before his mouth began to deposit wet kisses over the length of her sex. Dragging his tongue through her folds, Negan took time to pleasure her. His fingers had a firm hold of her to keep her in place. Flattening his tongue over her body, he flicked it out against her body again and again which made her whimper. Slurping and licking at her body was causing her to rock back to him. The sound of her cries was like music to his ears. Giving one final, firm swipe of his tongue over her, Negan stood up and moved in behind her. Grabbing his cock in his hand, he stroked it a few times and moved in behind her to tease the head of his body through her wet lips. “Tell me you want this.”

There was a silence when she focused on the feeling of his body teasing over hers, but she knew ultimately, she needed this, “I want this, so very bad.”

“That makes me very fucking happy to hear,” Negan used his left hand to grab a hold of her hips while his right led his length into her making her cry out when he did it. The wet smack of their bodies coming together caused her to mewl out and Negan let out pleased sound. “It feels like your body was made for me baby girl…”

Doing her best not to lose her strength, Y/N could feel Negan’s hips smacking up against hers from behind. The sensation of his body dragging back and forth inside of her body made her lick her lips. Having Negan’s body pumping into her in the most intimate way possible drove her wild with desire. Rocking her hips back against him, she loved the way their bodies felt when they were together.

“I’m so glad you came back here,” Negan informed her, pressing in closer to her while he rolled his hips against her in a steady pace. One where they both seemed comfortable with the tempo. Lifting his arms, he placed his hands over hers on the wall of the showers and hooked his fingers with hers in a tight clasp. “I would have been heartbroken all weekend if that’s what you would have left me with this morning.”

The warmth of Negan’s lips pressed in over the side of her neck, kissing over her flesh again and again driving her eyes to slam shut. When her eyes did open, immediately they fell to their left hands that were hooked together. Looking over their wedding rings, Y/N felt guilt knowing that they were both married and having this affair. She should have been mortified with herself, but while she was upset to some degree, she knew that she wanted Negan more than she cared about what was morally right. Being with Negan felt good. Not only sexually, but also in general. No one picked her up quite like Negan did and she was addicted to that feeling. It wasn’t something she was ready to let go of. Not now.

* * *

“So, what are we going to do?” Y/N questioned as Negan pushed her softly against the side of his mustang. Their bodies were pressed up against each other and Negan offered a big, bright smile in response. Negan grabbed a hold of her hand, hooking her fingers with his and she found herself in awe of him. Charmed by him would be an understatement.

“Whatever feels right,” he answered before kissing her again, taking his time to cherish the time he had with her. They should have been worried if someone was out there to see them, but it was really the last thing on their minds. Hell, after having sex in the showers of the school, everything else felt miniscule to that in comparison. “I love your mouth. Kissing you is amazing.”

“It is,” she licked her lips when Negan pressed his forehead to hers and it just felt like he was desperate to be close to her. “How am I supposed to keep living life normally?”

“The best way you can? We’ll find ways to make time for each other. We’re together all the time,” Negan pointed out with a sigh, sliding his hand up over the side of her neck and over face. “We’ve got that away game we’re going to. We’re both going, we’ll be at the hotel together. We can be alone.”

“With a ton of students surrounding us,” Y/N snickered and Negan shrugged his shoulders when she pointed that out.

“People are used to us being close to each other. I told you people said we were like the work spouses,” Negan didn’t worry about the idea of the other students. “No one is going to question us being touchy. As long as we keep it appropriate.”

“Kind of hard to do when I know how much I like touching you,” she pouted, looking down between the two of them and he let out an amused breath. “Or how much I like you touching me.”

“Well, we can have those few days together is what I’m saying. Lucille and Spencer won’t be questioning it,” Negan pointed out, nuzzling his nose against hers. The more time she spent getting cozy with the Negan, the more she could feel her heart pounding inside of her chest. “It’s almost perfect for us.”

“And you’re okay with that?” she confirmed when his chuckle followed her question.

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Negan drew out his words in a long slur and he pulled her in to kiss him again. “I don’t even want to leave you tonight.”

“I’m sure Spencer is already angry enough as it is,” she confessed knowing that her husband would likely be waiting up for her to rip her a new one.

“I really fucking hate him,” Negan stated with a growl, his eyes narrowing before moving in to kiss her again. “We just need you to get some time away from him to realize how perfect you really are. I promise, when you’re around me I will do nothing, but lift you up like you deserve.”

“You’re an amazing man Negan,” she admitted, sliding her hand down the side of his face hating that they had to leave each other. “Text me?”

“You know it,” he winked, giving her space to allow her to move to her car and he sighed heavily. “I’m glad you decided to give this a chance.”

“Me too,” she acknowledged knowing that she was so conflicted with everything, but at the end of the day, this just felt too right to turn away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and Negan get to spend some time together, but someone becomes skeptical of their closeness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing my best to actually make this shorter than most of my stories and I'm trying to finish this story quickly. It goes with my challenge that I was given, so thank you for anyone that is reading this!

“I’m exhausted,” Y/N yawned at the front of the bus where her and Negan were sitting. After school they had met up with the students and the other chaperones that were going to the away game over the weekend. After everyone got on the bus, Negan was eager to sit beside her. There was a nervousness about the two of them being close after what they had done, but they had always sat by each other. Even before they had slept together, so it was no different. They weren’t too far away from the hotel they would staying at, but it had been a long week. It was hard trying to wake herself up. She wanted to be awake. Getting to spend time alone with Negan without having to worry was something she was looking forward to. Negan had been staring at her, a bright smile expanding over his lips when he saw her yawn again. Extending his hand, Negan held it out for hers asking her to hold it. Accepting his hand, she slid her fingers with his and lowered her head on his shoulder. “I need more sleep.”

“Mmm, I don’t think you are going to be getting it on this trip,” Negan teased with a quiet snicker, pressing a quick kiss over her head. Looking over his shoulder, Negan made sure that the students were busy and they were. Most of them were talking loudly together and the other chaperones that came along seemed to be buried in their phones. “With the two of us alone together, I feel like we need to take advantage of it.”

“As if we don’t do that already,” she smirked thinking about her relationship with Negan since she had decided to start whatever it was they had together. It had been a few weeks and, in her opinion, she felt noticeably better about life after agreeing to do this. Getting to spend time with Negan and have that emotional connection with someone just made her cheerful. Even with Spencer, when she was home, he had commented on how she was very outgoing and joyful when she was home. Of course, she would never tell Spencer why, but having this little affair with Negan was actually making things better. It should have been forbidden between them, but it felt too good. “I think my back still hurts from the other night in your mustang.”

“Well that was a mistake,” Negan laughed thinking back to when they had snuck into his car after one of the games. They left separately, met up at a park and had sex in his car. It was something they had to do. Sneak in their sexual encounters when they could. “You slipped and hit the steering wheel. As soon as it happened, we immediately moved it to the backseat. If I remember, you came several times. So, while your back hurt I think you had quite a good time.”

“Someone is cocky, isn’t he?” she pat him on the chest and lifted her head quickly when someone moved in their direction. Looking out the window, she acted as if they were innocently just talking to each other as the assistant coach moved in beside Negan.

“What’s up Simon?” Negan smirked and Simon gave them a once over when he realized that they were holding hands. When Negan looked where Simon’s eyes were, Negan pulled his fingers from Y/N’s and let out a long sigh.

“Is this hotel better than the last one? The last one was trash,” Simon sat in the empty seat across the aisle from them and Negan could feel Y/N shifting uneasily in the seat beside him.

“You ask as if I know that answer. I would assume so because we kind of had a shit fit the last time,” Negan reminded Simon with a simple shrug of his shoulders. “We made it clear they shouldn’t be cheap asses, so I’m sure it will be better this time. We’re almost there. I think I saw it was a nice hotel though. I really don’t pay attention where the hell we go. I just get in and go.”

“When we get there, there are some things I want to talk to you about with the game,” Simon alerted Negan and Negan shrugged his shoulders. Simon stood up from the seat he was in before slowly walking away. The interaction left both Negan and Y/N tense making Negan let out an uncomfortable laugh.

“I get the slightest feeling that he doesn’t like me,” Y/N spoke up after feeling awfully awkward about Simon’s interaction with them.

“It’s not you he doesn’t like,” Negan vaguely answered and it made her to look him with curiosity. “It’s more so about the fact you and I are super close. While most of the teachers at the school think we’re oh so cute, Simon really isn’t fond of it.”

“Well that’s good to know,” a sense of sarcasm fell from Y/N’s lips and she looked over her shoulder to see Simon getting comfortable again in his seat on the bus. “Should I question why?”

“His wife is just really good friends with Lucille,” Negan spoke quietly and his eyebrows arched. Dragging his tongue over his bottom lip, Negan thought of what to say next and he shrugged. “Him and his wife are kind of…tight asses.”

“Not what I would have pictured looking at him,” Y/N responded and Negan snickered before lowering his head and reaching for her hand again. “Maybe we should be more careful in public. The last thing you want is Simon going back to his wife and telling her what he saw.”

“Yeah, well…people have mentioned to my wife that you and I are close,” Negan informed her and Y/N gave him a panicked glance. “Don’t worry. She knew that we were just really good friends and that’s what she believes. We’re close because of work and because we like a lot of the same things. I think she expects something like that to happen. See, even though a lot of people don’t agree with it, Lucille is someone that thinks people of the opposite genders can be friends. Her best friend is a guy too. So…”

“While I want to say that’s a good thing, I think about us and realize we were best friends that…” she felt her cheeks flushing over and she softly tugged her fingers from Negan’s. “I mean, for years that was the case.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Negan hushed her and raised his hand to have her put a hold on her fears about them. “We’re a special case.”

“I guess that’s the best way to put it,” she bit down on her bottom lip and shrugged her shoulders. Noticing the bus slowing down, she could see that the hotel was just in sight and licked her lips. “So, what are the plans for tonight?”

“We’ll get situated and then have dinner with some of the kids,” Negan looked down at his watch to check the time. “Hang out a little bit like usual and then we can head to our rooms. One of them at least.”

“And you’re sure that’s okay?” she confirmed and Negan gave her a wink when the students started moving on the bus.

Y/N took her time while getting set up in her hotel room. The more eager she was to get back to Negan to spend time with him, the more she assumed that Simon would find their connection to be questionable. The last thing she really wanted right now was getting Lucille and Spencer involved in things. They were just really enjoying each other with the time they did have together and getting the spouses involved so soon would make things so much more complicated.

After she felt like she waited enough time, she headed downstairs to the restaurant that was attached to the hotel knowing that Negan texted her that him and a few of the students already got a table. Heading into the restaurant that was mixed with an arcade, the loud sounds surrounded her while she searched the busy room for Negan. When he waved his hand in the air, she moved to the table and saw that Simon was at the table with the students as well.

“Took you long enough,” Negan scoot over on the booth that they were all sitting in to make room for her. When she sat down, she felt Negan’s arm wrapping loosely around her shoulders. “I was thinking of getting a few appetizers to try. You want to share them?”

“Sounds good,” she nodded knowing that they had often shared a lot of things so for Negan that was no big deal. During their talk with the students at dinner, none of them seemed to draw attention to how clingy Negan had been over her. Hell, they were usually this close. It was just now she knew there was more going and there was more of a risk with them being this way.

Most of dinner she tried to avoid looking in Simon’s direction, but often he was glaring at her and she really felt rather anxious about it. Everything would be relaxed talking to the students and Negan, but then looking at Simon would make things just extremely tense.

After dinner the students decided they wanted to hang out in the arcade for a while so that’s what all of the chaperones did as well. It was quiet between her and Negan. Talking about things probably wasn’t all that safe depending on where they were in the arcade. Really, it was just nice to be with each other. The flashing lights surrounded them and she glanced over at Negan with a smile.

“I thought you would be eager to try out some of the games,” she poked at him and Negan scanned over the room, trying to find something for him to be interested in. “You always seemed like the kind of guy that would like arcades to me.”

“Well, I mean I’m okay with some shit, but playing games that are all about chance…that’s not really my thing,” Negan looked down at the handful of tokens that he had and he shrugged. “I kind of just do this to satisfy the kids on the team. If I do it, they feel like it’s bonding or some shit.”

“Well, we could do some innocent bonding,” she looked around at the arcade and shrugged her shoulders. “How about some skee ball? I bet I could beat you at that.”

“I don’t think we want to start getting competitive with each other. When I do that, I get so headstrong, it’s bad,” Negan glanced over his shoulder at the area where skee ball was set up and she laughed. Stumbling, Negan felt her grabbing his arm to lead him toward the area. “Okay, but I’m telling you…I really like to win.”

“Well, you’re in luck because so do I,” she gave him a wink and they started their game. At first it was a fun game of back and forth to see how the other did, but when Negan noticed that she was winning he let out an unsatisfied sound. “Oh Negan, it’s okay to lose sometimes.”

“I’m not going to lose,” he grumbled rolling the small ball hard enough for it to hit the top of the glass covering the game. The way it smacked around before ending up in the area with the lowest points to score made Y/N burst out laughing. “Well shit.”

“This isn’t bowling Negan,” she threw her last ball getting it in the highest marked area making Negan snort when he realized she won. A cheer filled the air and he noticed she did a small victory dance that made him laugh. After she was done, she stepped before him to place her hand over his shoulder as if comforting him over his loss. “You can’t throw the ball that hard and expect good results.”

“Okay, fine,” Negan took the tickets that he had won, huffing when he saw how little the amount was. Glancing around the arcade, he spotted a basketball game and he waved her on. “You and I…let’s go.”

“I’m pretty good at this game you know,” Y/N watched Negan pushing the tokens he had in his pocket after he started it up. Shot after shot Negan seemed to sink the ball in the net and she stood back while watching him. When the game finished, he let out an arrogant sound noticing that he had gotten the highest score thus far on the game. “Wow…”

“You’re turn,” Negan stood behind her, holding his hand out in the air for her to do the same thing. Y/N gave him a look before starting the game. Shot after shot she seemed to also get the ball in and he let out an annoyed breath. “Come on…”

“Negan,” she burst out laughing when she felt him nudging into her making her miss one of the shots and she tried reaching for the ball. “You’re cheating.”

“I did not cheat,” Negan feigned innocence, placing his hand over the center of his chest. His actions led her to continue to laugh and the distraction was enough to have her keep missing the shots. Which is clearly what he wanted so he would win. “There was just a lump in the carpet and I tripped over it while watching you…it was the strangest thing.”

“You asshole,” she turned to look at him seeing him sliding his foot across the floor as if still sticking to his storyline. “Not cool Negan.”

“I won though,” Negan snorted and she reached out to playfully shove into his chest. “You would think you would be able to handle a little pressure with the basketball. You are the coach for heaven’s sake.”

“Sorry, I’m not used to people shoving into me when I’m doing free throws,” she shook her head and frowned. This wasn’t something she was taking seriously, but she was going to bicker with him just for the silliness of it. It was kind of cute that Negan was so insistent upon winning something that he felt he had to cheat. “I thought we were closer than that Negan. I can’t believe you would purposely sabotage me in something.”

“Well when you say it like that, it makes me sound awful,” Negan grunted with a wrinkle of his nose and he surveyed the room. When his eyes fell upon something, he reached for her hand and led her toward one of the claw machines that had stuffed animals inside of it. “Here. I’ll win you something to make up for it.”

“Those things are always usually rigged,” she reminded him, moving in beside him while he did his first attempt. The claw grabbed at the bear’s head, but it barely managed to pull it up. “I told you those things are made to screw you over.”

“I’ll get it,” Negan insisted and one of the students moved in on the opposite side of Negan.

“Those things are one of the hardest things to get in this place Coach,” the student muttered and Negan let out a groan when he ended up missing the bear again. “You’re wasting your money.”

“Shut up Derrick,” Negan looked over at the student who seemed entertained to see Negan look angry. “I’m going to just do it one more time. I’ll get it.”

“Whatever you say Coach,” the student watched closely as both him and Y/N stood in beside Negan. This time the claw seemed to grab a firm hold of the teddy bear, but when it pulled it up from the rest of the stuffed animals, the claw shook causing it to fall. A loud, disappointed grunt fell from Negan’s throat making both the student and Y/N snicker when Negan dropped his head forward against the glass. “I told you.”

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” Negan repeated what he said making the student and Y/N crack up upon hearing it.

“Here, let me try,” Y/N held her hand out and Negan looked down at her hand to see that she was requesting one of the tokens. Negan snorted and hit his fist at the machine.

“It’s rigged, you don’t want to waste your time,” Negan protested under his breath, but she kept her hand out for a token. “Fine, go for it, but you won’t do any better than I did.”

“I think I’ll give it a shot,” Y/N put the token into the machine as Negan moved in behind her. She seemed to take a moment to look at the layout of the machine before dropping the claw. A growl escaped Negan’s throat when she managed to pick the bear up with the claw. When it dropped into the area where she could pull it out, Negan’s nose wrinkled.

“You have to be kidding me,” Negan scoffed while looking over the machine as she lifted the stuffed bear out to him. The sound of the student’s amusement filled the air when Y/N had clearly one-upped Negan. “I obviously got it loose for you.”

“Whatever you say big guy,” she reached out to pat him on the chest before handing him over the teddy bear. When he looked at the teddy bear in his arm, he rolled his eyes and curled it underneath his arm to keep it. “That’s a gift for you.”

“I will cherish it,” Negan moved away from the machine with Y/N at his side and he hooked his arm around her shoulders as they walked away. When they were alone in one of the aisles, he leaned across to press a kiss against her temple. “Well that was embarrassing.”

“It’s okay, you can give me a gift later,” she snickered, sliding her fingers out over his lower abdomen toward the belt in his pants. A low rumble of a growl fell from Negan’s throat and she sighed heavily. “You are pretty good at giving me certain gifts.”

“Now those are the kind of gifts I know I can always deliver on,” Negan heard the sound of someone calling out his name and he looked over his shoulder to see a few of the students from his team waving him on. “What’s up?”

“They have a ping pong table and Steve is talking some real shit about how he thinks he can kick your ass,” one of the boys informed Negan and Negan’s eyebrows bounced in response. “You better shut him up…”

“With pleasure,” Negan kept his arm around her and led her toward the group of his players that were surrounding the ping pong table they had set up in the back of the arcade. When Negan got to the table, he slowly dragged his arm from her shoulders and started to pull off his jacket after handing her the bear she gave him. “I heard you were talking some serious shit Steve…”

An entertained breath fell from Y/N’s throat as she watched Negan and one of the students shit talking each other back and forth while they set up for the game of ping pong. The banter was comical and it wasn’t something most teachers would get away with, but Negan’s mouth seemed to be something that he got away with for the most part.

“Remind me again,” Simon’s voice pressed in behind her while she watched Negan playing ping pong from afar since the students were surrounding them. “You’re married, right?”

“Jesus,” she placed her hand in over the center of her chest when Simon curled his arm around her shoulders. It almost made her cringe that he was doing that, but she tried not to react. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“Well, I didn’t mean to do that,” Simon glanced out at the game that was happening hearing the students laughing when Negan threw his hands up in the air as he clearly scored against the student. “But, you’re married, right?”

“I am,” she looked to Simon with a confused expression. “You’ve met Spencer.”

“Right. Your husband’s name is Spencer,” Simon snapped his fingers together and reached up with his other hand to trace over the mustache he had. “Not Negan.”

“You know Negan isn’t my husband,” Y/N pointed out and Simon let out a shocked sound.

“You see, I did know that, but I was starting to wonder if maybe you forgot that,” Simon squeezed his arm around her firmly, bringing her closer to his muscular chest making her let out a wince. “Do you know what a skank is Y/N? Because you’re starting to look like one.”

“You know, I’m aware of the term,” she reached for his wrist, managing to pull his arm from around her shoulders. Turning to face Simon, she rubbed her hands together and sighed heavily. “I’m not sure I’m happy hearing you call me that.”

“Well, I’m just calling it as I’m seeing it,” Simon informed her with an arch of his eyebrow and he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck letting out a strained sound.

“Well then I could remind you that there was a point in time where you were considered sleazy,” Y/N contended with a firm nod. “Was it two years ago that a student brought up how you were inappropriately touching her?”

“No one could prove that,” Simon’s nose wrinkled and he let out a disgusted sound. “You know that too.”

“Does your wife know about that incident?” Y/N pondered and Simon’s face scrunched with anger. “I feel like that’s something that definitely you went home and told her about, right? Since it wasn’t true and all.”

“Wow,” Simon’s jaw flexed and he let out a hesitant sound. “Here I was thinking you were this innocent little thing and you’re kind of a bitch.”

“I stand up for myself. If that makes me a bitch, I guess so. Negan and I are just friends,” Y/N lied to Simon’s face, but she said it with so much sincerity that if anyone heard it, she was sure they would believe her. “You see, my husband has been very abusive toward me. I know you know about it and to make up for it, Negan has been trying to be very kind to me. You have known that him and I are friends though.”

“You know he’s my friend too,” Simon clarified, folding his muscular arms out in front of his chest. “I’m just trying to look out for him.”

“Trust me, no one is looking out for Negan more than I am. I want what’s best for him,” she stated with a sigh and looked over her shoulder to hear the cheering of Negan’s booming voice filling the air when he visibly won. “Now if you will excuse me, I’m just trying to enjoy myself a little bit. I’ll talk to you later.”

Heading over to Negan, she felt his hand settling in over the small of her back when she moved in beside him. By the way that Negan was looking over at Simon, he clearly caught on to the fact that Simon cornered her, “What was that?”

“He called me a skank,” she swallowed down and said it quiet enough for the students not to hear. Negan’s brow line creased and he shot Simon a glare while they stood together. “We’re going to have to be more careful.”

“No shit,” Negan’s lips parted and he heard another one of the students challenging him to a match. “Why don’t you stand in the corner away from him? I’ll be done soon.”

* * *

“Fuck,” Negan’s moan caused Y/N to shudder when it vibrated against the area right behind her earlobe. The soft caress of Negan’s rough fingertips over her inner thigh caused her to shake while they laid on their sides with him behind her. “You make me cum so fucking hard.”

“You could have been a little quieter,” she laughed knowing that they were in her hotel room.

Of the two, it would have been more awkward for her not to answer her door if someone came to find her. Once Negan was in his hotel room, it didn’t matter if something happened, he wouldn’t usually answer the door if, even if it was an emergency. So, it made more sense to have him sneak into her hotel room after they were done spending time with the students. That way if someone went to his room, it wouldn’t be out of character for him not to answer. But, if someone came to her room to talk to her, it would definitely be out of character if she didn’t answer. It was a strange how they had to plan things out before they did it, but it kept things from getting complicated.

“No one is going to question it,” Negan chuckled, nuzzling his nose against the back of her neck. A whine fell from her throat when he pulled his length from her and she rolled onto her back. His arm was hooked around her shoulders as they both stretched out on her hotel bed. “I swear, fucking you gives me the biggest high.”

“Negan,” she bit down on her bottom lip when he slid his right hand between her thighs to caress over her sensitive body. “No one has ever been able to do to me what you have…”

“Mmm, I can tell,” Negan hummed, moving in to kiss over the side of her neck, dragging his tongue over her flesh making her shiver when he did it. “It was about time your body got the pampering it needed.”

“Do you think we need to worry about Simon?” she contemplated while Negan kissed up over her jaw. When his mouth met hers, she happily accepted and kissed him back.

“After what you said to him? No,” Negan recalled what she told him she had told him about the encounter. “Considering that was fucking true what you pointed out and the school just was able to push it under the carpet. He won’t say shit because he won’t want you bringing that stuff up to his wife. Which kudos to you for having some steel balls on you. Fuck, that’s sexy.”

“Negan,” she laughed when he growled against her flesh and she placed her hand in over the center of his chest. They managed to adjust to get comfortable on the bed after their sex and she sighed loudly. Stroking her fingers through the thick hair over his abdomen, she thought of what she wanted to say before depositing gentle kisses over the center of his chest. “The more we do this Negan, the more I like you.”

“I can without a doubt say the same thing,” Negan stroked his fingertips through her hair before pressing a kiss to her temple. “This has been really nice. We’ve focused a lot on the physical part though, I think sometimes we should work on the mental connection. I know we already have that strong bond, but I feel like we should have a conversation or something where we get deep with each other. On a mental level.”

“Like we aren’t already?” she teased, her words vibrating against his chest making him lift his back up from the bed to arch to her. “What kinds of things? Like…what is your favorite color or what’s your favorite food?”

“Not cheesy shit like that,” Negan let out a hearty laugh. Humored with his laugh, she lifted her head and stared into his stunning hazel eyes. “Plus, you know my favorite color already.”

“Yeah, red. My mistake,” she chuckled with a lighthearted grin. She lifted her hand up and pointed toward her head. “I don’t know what I was thinking. What kind of questions were you thinking?”

“I don’t know, like…what was your first initial reaction to meeting me?” Negan threw out a random question and he saw her smile before dropping her head. Releasing a snort, Negan felt her laughing against the center of his chest and he shook his head. “What?”

“I’m not sure you want to know that,” her nose wrinkled and a cute, charming smile pressed over her lips when she looked up at him again. When Negan tilted his head to the side and gave her a stare, it was clear he wanted to hear it. “Well first and foremost the thing that I immediately noticed was your dimples. Your smile is just…damn.”

“Ah, you like the dimples?” Negan gave a big smile to visibly display them for her and she bit down on her bottom lip. Tipping forward, she met him in a quick kiss and breathed against his lips. “Okay, continue.”

“It was hard to focus to be honest with you. You were wearing those gray sweatpants and I could see your penis,” she confessed hearing the loud laughter that fell from Negan’s throat when she admitted that to him. “I kept staring and I was doing my best not to. So, I only caught half of what you were saying the first time we met. I thought you were charming, confident, and maybe…a little bit arrogant? I’m sorry.”

“I am kind of arrogant,” Negan mused with a chuckle, feeling her fingers tracing circles over the center of his chest. “I’m sorry I was clearly wearing boxers that day instead of the boxer briefs.”

“I mean, I just felt guilty for staring afterwards. I’m not usually someone that stares like that or notices that kind of thing,” she recalled what it was like the first time she met him. “What about with me?”

“I thought you were a beautiful girl that was going to make all of us look bad,” Negan answered, his dimples sucking in when he spoke. Y/N seemed curious for him to explain and he sighed. Reaching his fingers out, he brushed them through her hair while thinking about the past. “You were so on about how excited you were and all the plans you had. Kept talking about all you were going to do; I knew that you were going to be a shining star. But for someone like me who barely does what they should, I knew you were going to blow everyone else away with how hard you worked.”

“So, I was a bit of a know it all then?” she confirmed and he rolled his eyes when she said it before smiling. “Okay, how about this one. What is your most prized possession?”

“That’s kind of hard,” Negan responded, his brow furrowing as he thought about it. “I had to sell my most treasured possession.”

“What?” she frowned, her face scrunching up when he said that. “Why?”

“When I left playing baseball, I didn’t really have a lot of money. I was only just called up to the majors, you know? Lucille wasn’t happy with how things were turning out. She didn’t like fans showing up at our place. She didn’t like the long hours that I was gone or the fact I was gone all the time. Traveling kind of pissed her off. So, when she told me I had to pick between her and my job, I…picked her,” Negan told her, recalling a memory that he often wanted to forget. “At the time, she just worked at the bank at a low paying job. In order for us to be able to get the house that we have now, I had to sell some stuff. I loved baseball my whole life. I think that’s pretty obvious.”

“Right,” she nodded keeping her attention locked on him.

“My dad took me to a world series game. There was this really popular player and in the last inning the team we were obviously rooting for was down. This player ended up hitting a homerun to win the game. I tried to desperately catch it, but my father ended up catching it for me,” Negan felt his throat going dry at the thought. “That in itself was incredibly cool. I don’t remember how, but my dad actually knew someone who let me meet the team and the ball was signed by a lot of the big players. We had like the official paperwork and everything. I never thought I would get rid of it, you know? But when we had nothing and we were going to homeless, my minor league coach knew about the ball because I was proud of it. I bragged about the memory a lot. He offered to buy it from me when he knew I needed money and because I was trying to be a good husband, I took the deal. We needed the money, bad. I never cared for anything like I cared about that ball. In terms of possessions.”

“Wow,” she palmed in over the center of his chest with a frown. Lowering her head, she pressed a kiss over his collarbone and heard him sigh. “I didn’t mean to get that deep.”

“No, that’s…that’s exactly what we were attempting to do,” Negan felt his heart pounding inside of his chest at the idea of what he had lost. “I just regret it sometimes. My dad died the year after I got rid of the ball and I think it would have helped me think of him if I still had it. It was something that was special and I feel like it got wasted.”

“I’m sorry baby,” she apologized lifting up enough to meet him in a kiss and Negan wrapped his arms around her to pull her in close to his chest.

“What about you?” Negan tried to change the subject from him and he shrugged. “Other than your job. Because I feel like that would be your answer.”

“Stop,” she playfully smacked at his chest making him snort when she did it. “Mine would probably be this…”

“What is this?” Negan watched her reach down to her chest to lift up a heart locket that she had on. “Something from Spencer?”

“God no,” Y/N’s nose wrinkled as she pulled it open carefully while Negan still had his arms around her. “It was a locket my mother gave me when I was fourteen. It’s very special for me and I can’t tell you the last time I took it off.”

“Now see, that shit is sweet,” Negan took the locket in his fingers to look at the picture of plainly a younger Y/N with her mother. “I like that. That’s cute.”

“Thank you,” she closed the locket back up and lowered back in over his chest to rest herself over him again to get comfortable.

“What’s your biggest fear?” Negan grumbled and she gave him an odd look. “What?”

“You are going full on deep here,” she saw him smirk and she pulled herself up from his chest. Getting into a sitting position, she pulled the sheets up her body and rest her back against the headboard. “You won’t think illy of me if I tell you?”

“Nothing could make me think poorly of you,” Negan noticed that she was getting kind of serious with the questions they were going for. Sliding up into a sitting position beside her, Negan watched her closely while she thought about her answer. “I promise.”

“I really haven’t talked to you about this because it gets me kind of…emotional,” she started off, waving her hand in the air almost as a warning. “We’re a lot alike. I realize that after you just told me that story about the ball. My mother died of cancer right after she gave me the locket. She was younger and for so long the way I remember her is being sick. I think because my mother passed away when I was young, I just kind of became really scared at the idea of dying. Death is probably my biggest fear. Dying young. There is so much in life I haven’t done yet. I’ve only just started, you know? And then I think about my mother and I’m not far off from her age when she died. I always had this huge, unsettling fear of dying young.”

“Baby girl,” Negan noticed the way her eyes were tearing over and he reached out to pull her in closer to him so his lips could collide with hers. The way he kissed her was an attempt to make her feel better after what she revealed to him. “I’m so sorry, but I promise you…you are so full of life. You’re going to be okay.”

“I suppose death is everyone’s biggest fear,” she answered knowing that she got emotional because she was talking about her mother. It was something that still bothered her to this day and that’s truthfully why the locket was such a big deal to her.

“Not me. I’m going to live forever,” Negan teased against her lips and she laughed. When she pulled back, Negan gave a firm nod. “Oh yeah, I’m going to live to be like fucking ancient.”

“Okay deity, what is it that you are afraid of the most then?” Y/N poked at Negan’s ribs seeing his smile slowly fade and he shrugged his shoulders. “Come on, I just full on went meltdown mode on you.”

“Uh…well,” Negan thought for a long moment, his jaw flexing as he attempted to put the right words together. “I guess my biggest fear is being alone. The idea of it terrifies me. I don’t have my parents anymore. I think we both know how hard that is. I don’t have siblings. The idea of losing the people I love and care for while being alone really fucks me up. I couldn’t handle being alone. I just, I don’t think I have the strength.”

“That’s…deep,” she reached out to hook her hand with his and they were silent for a moment. “Let’s break the ice with a happy question. Would you ever want a dog? I would.”

“Oh, fuck yeah. I’ve always wanted a dog. Or two,” Negan replied with a bright smile, squeezing her fingers with his. “I’ve always wanted one, but Lucille was never ready for that kind of commitment. She let me have a fish once, but I’d love to have a dog.”

“We can get one together,” she waved her hand in the air to be silly. “We could get a golden retriever. We’d dress him up all the time in like bow ties and suits.”

“And name him Rusty?” Negan suggested with a snort. She snapped her fingers as if he had a good idea. “Then of course one day after we were comfortable with one, we’d had have to get another one. Maybe a girl? We could name her…”

“Daisy?” Y/N interrupted with him a silly sound and Negan nodded.

“Daisy and Rusty. We went full on southern bumpkins, didn’t we?” Negan chortled with a wrinkle of his nose.

“If only, huh?” she lowered her head against his shoulder knowing that they were talking nonsense, but at least they were having fun. That was probably the kind of life she would have preferred. Not the one she had presently with Spencer.

“It sounds nice,” Negan confessed, stroking his fingers over her shoulder.

“Hmmm…what’s a fact about you that no one knows?” Y/N reached out to palm in over the side of Negan’s neck, cherishing that they could just sit in bed and talk to each other about whatever.

“Well, if no one knows it…there is a reason for it,” Negan pointed out with a tilt of his head. “What makes you think I would want to tell you something like that?”

“Because I’m special and you like me,” she tickled at his sides hearing him chuckle. Negan leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers and it made him smile. “So…?”

“I’m like a huge Star Wars nerd,” Negan thought of something random that he didn’t really tell a lot of people. “I had a lot of Star Wars memorabilia that I also sold and I think Lucille just assumed it was stuff I collected as a kid, but nope. Still a massive Star Wars nerd. Anytime a new movie comes out, I sneak out to the theaters myself to see it.”

“What color lightsaber would you have?” she brushed her fingers through his hair and heard him let out a conflicted breath.

“I feel like the best answer would be for me to say red because it fits my personality, but…blue,” Negan’s right eyebrow arched the longer he thought about it, “I was a Ben Kenobi kind of guy, but my favorite was Han Solo.”

“Of course he is,” she giggled, leaning back making an amused expression. “You totally come off like someone who would like Han Solo.”

“I think most people would think I was a Darth Vader kind of guy,” Negan pulled her back to him and met her in another kiss, humming against her mouth. “What about you? What’s something no one else knows?”

“Okay, uhm…” she thought for a long, silent moment before laughing and nodding. “This is kind of awful, but I started dating Spencer in freshman year, but it happened kind of strangely. Spencer has a brother that is just a little bit younger than him. His name is Aiden. Well I knew them as the Monroe brothers. Aiden was in my grade; Spencer was a grade higher. We were always hanging out with them, but I always got their names mixed up. I thought Aiden was Spencer. Someone told me at a party that Spencer thought I was cute and wanted to know if I wanted to go the dance with him. I said yes. Which I swooned at because I had the biggest crush on…”

“Aiden,” Negan finished her sentence and Y/N nodded, her cheeks turning red at the thought making Negan start to laugh.

“So, here I was young and all, expecting Aiden to be coming up to me to ask me to go to the dance with him, but I realized I was wrong and the brother that I wasn’t crushing on was Spencer,” she confessed to Negan the one thing she never told anyone. “Because I felt bad for the mix-up, I pretended that it was really Spencer that I was crushing on and went to the dance with him when it was really his younger brother that I had a crush on.”

“And you stayed with Spencer?” Negan let out a confused breath and chuckled through his words. “Why do that when you were interested in Aiden?”

“I don’t know, I just felt bad and didn’t want to embarrass him,” Y/N admitted knowing that her reasoning was kind of stupid at the end of the day. “The worst thing was that Aiden told me right before I got married to Spencer that he always had a crush on me and wished he would have asked me out first.”

“That is fucked up,” Negan thought about what she told him and he shook his head in disbelief. “Yet you still married Spencer? Was Aiden the better one?”

“He still is. He works for his mother. Spencer’s dad is a professor but has a side business that Spencer looks over. Aiden in the responsible, kid one,” Y/N sighed thinking back to her youth. “I still wish sometimes I would have figured their names out before that night.”

“God, that’s kind of depressing. Like I feel bad laughing about it,” Negan alerted her to his conflicting feels and he bit at his bottom lip. “Part of me wants to ask you why you didn’t just…leave Spencer for Aiden.”

“I felt bad about it,” she sighed knowing that it was a stupid reason and she really had no explanation for it. “I just figured I put in all the time, I should just…keep going, I guess. Only one person has made me even consider cheating…well, not just consider.”

“Well that’s because that person is a ridiculous charming, sexy man and it’s not your fault. You just couldn’t defend yourself from his wit and perfection,” Negan wrapped his arms around her in a playful squeeze, falling back against the bed and bringing her back with him. Their laughs filled the small hotel room and he brushed the hair that fell in front of her face away from her eyes.

“Last one…what’s your favorite thing about me?” Y/N brought up the last deep question she thought they should hit for tonight and Negan’s eyes narrowed. There was a silence while he thought and she let out a nervous exhale. “Don’t speak so fast Negan…”

“Here is the problem. There is so much about you that I like,” Negan hushed her with a roll of his eyes and he found himself laughing at her. “My favorite thing about you is your love and devotion to the things you care about. You are the most incredible woman that I know. When you love something, you make it known. You put your heart and soul into it. It just radiates from you. Sometimes, I just love coming to sneak a peek at you while you’re teaching. You look so happy because it’s something that you love. There is nothing purer than the look of your happiness while you are doing something you love.”

“I mean I was expecting something like my eyes, but fuck…I’ll take that,” she teased seeing Negan’s eyebrows bounce up while he waited for her answer about him. “I guess my answer is going to be selfish.”

“If you’re going to say your favorite thing is the sex, I think I might be hurt,” Negan pouted and she dropped her head to laugh, pressing her forehead against his chest. “Is that what it is?”

“God no. I mean it’s a good part, but I love the way you make me feel,” she answered him, gradually lifting her head to connect eyes with Negan. “No one has ever made me feel the way you do. You’re the most charming, uplifting, caring, sweet…”

“Oh, I like this. Keep them coming,” Negan wiggled his fingers wanting her to keep up with the compliments and she playfully tickled at his ribs making him snort. “I’m just kidding baby girl, I’m just glad I can bring some happiness to your life. I don’t know anyone that deserves it more than you do. Just getting to see you smile, that’s everything to me. I hope you know that.”

“You are so…” she looked him over and swallowed down hard knowing that she honestly liked Negan more than she should have. Especially considering they were still both married and no talks about them getting divorced had ever come up. “Amazing.”

Getting comfortable in Negan’s arms, she decided to keep quiet about her feelings for Negan. She would just have to learn to enjoy the small moments that they had together. Getting this long weekend at the away game would be the best thing she could have for quite some time so she was going to take it. Being able to sleep in Negan’s arms? Hell, that sounded like heaven to her and she was going to cherish it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sneaking around with Negan makes it hard for Y/N to continue on having their relationship as a secret. Jealousy starts to flare when Y/N realizes how jealous she is of Negan's wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain is kind of fogged so I'm sorry if there are some huge errors in this. I was tired and just, not focusing very well. Hope all is well!

Even though she was used to the situation, Y/N felt dirty. She was sitting at the table inside of a motel room waiting for Negan. They had been having this little affair for over three months now. These were the kinds of things she had become used to. They took what they could get when it came to their relationship. That’s what someone would call this, right? A relationship? Whatever they were, they were sneaking in sex in one of their offices after most people had left. In Negan’s car. Or in this case, meeting up during the middle of the day at some small motel where they could pay cash to make sure no one would find out. It was when they didn’t have a lot of time to spare and couldn’t easily sneak off somewhere.

Truthfully, she loved every moment she had with Negan and it was amazing getting to be with him but sitting and waiting for him in a motel just made things feel wrong. Being with him didn’t feel wrong, but the situation did. They had gotten close over the last few months and knew each other better than she probably ever knew anyone. And she definitely told him more than she ever told anyone. On a mental level, she felt like they had bonded a significant amount. Sometimes, she wished she could have gone on real dates with Negan. The closest thing they would get to that was when their teams had away games. Those were always nice, but very rare.

The sound of a knock on the door to the motel room was heard and she sighed heavily. Standing up from the table, she moved for the door and opened it. Immediately, the force of hands grabbing a hold of her face was felt and the familiar caress of Negan’s lips were over her mouth making her gasp. Stumbling backwards, the strength of Negan pushing her forward almost made her fall, but he was able to catch her as he kicked the door closed with his foot. A whimper fell from her throat when Negan slammed her against the wall and reached to grab a firm hold of her throat. Dropping her head back, she felt Negan kissing over her jawline, biting tenderly at the flesh.

“You shouldn’t just open your doors to strangers. Especially in a place like this,” Negan growled against her skin, leading his kisses to her ear where he nipped at her earlobe. “It could be dangerous.”

“Are you dangerous?” she breathed out hearing his thick laughter fill the air and his fingers fumbled with the skirt that she was wearing, pulling it up quickly.

“Very fucking dangerous,” Negan answered, his hazel eyes meeting hers as his fingers grasped a hold of her panties, managing to get them down quickly. Helping her step out of them, Negan took his time to kiss up her legs and toward her thigh before standing up. Pressing his body to hers, he reached between them to push his pants down to the bottom of his waist. Grabbing a secure hold of her, he pressed her up against the wall, hooking his arms underneath her thighs while he held onto her. A wince escaped her throat when he snapped his hips up and sank his length into her. A lengthy, satisfied moan fell from Negan’s throat when he tipped his head back and closed his eyes. “Fuck me. We shouldn’t wait this many days in between…”

“We’ve been busy,” she reminded him, hooking her fingers into his hair while his hips bounced up into her, making her eyes slam shut. Negan buried his nose against the side of her neck while his heavy breaths surrounded them with each thrust he made inside of her. “Negan.”

Nothing felt as good as it did when she was with Negan. He knew where to kiss. How to move. All the right things to do. Maybe that’s why they were like this. She was addicted to the way that he made her feel and maybe that was wrong, but it felt so right.

“Jesus,” she cried out when Negan bit firmly at the side of her neck, close to her collar bone and she dropped her head back. “It’s getting harder to hide the marks you make on me.”

“Good,” Negan slurred, throwing his head back while he grunted with each powerful plunge he made up inside of her. “You’re mine.”

“Tell that to Spencer if he ever finds the marks,” she whimpered when he smacked up against her harder. Tremoring on her legs when Negan lowered her down, she watched him pull his clothes from his body and she did the same. When they were both naked, Negan led her toward the bed to push her back against it.

Crawling in over her, Negan took his time to kiss up and over her body to make sure that he pampered her in all the right areas. Pinning her beneath him, Negan took a moment to stare down at Y/N. A cocky grin pressed in over his lips and he reached for her wrists to hold them above her head.

“You like it when I fuck you hard, don’t you?” Negan confirmed with a growl, pressing her arms up enough so he could grab both of her wrists in his left hand while his right reached between them to grab a hold of his erection. Leading it to her entrance, he teased the head of his cock over her body before smacking forward and bottoming out inside of her. “Fuck…”

Instead of answering him, she cried out and wiggled beneath him. Quickly, Negan reached for her wrists again and kept a firm grasp over them while he plowed into her time and time again. Negan’s eyes were hooked on hers. He liked to witness her expressions and what he could draw out from inside of her when he moved.

“I missed fucking you in a bed,” Negan informed her, biting firmly at his bottom lip, “It’s nice getting it in when we can, but there is something about a fucking bed…”

With Negan bucking up against her, the smacks of their skin were filling the air and his hand dropped her wrist to reach with his right hand to grasp at her throat again. His lips covered hers and she was eager to have that kind of close connection to him.

“I missed you,” she cried against his lips and he found himself amused with her confession. A shocked sound escaped her when Negan pulled his hips back and urged her to roll onto her stomach. He took no time in pressing back into her with his lower abdomen smacking up against her bottom. There was no doubt that Negan was very animated with how he was with her today with the pace he was setting between them.

With Negan grabbing a hold of the headboard to get a stronger force inside of her, she found herself grasping tightly to the sheets. With the sounds of Negan’s breaths, she knew he was close to reaching his release and felt him adjusting behind her.

“On your knees baby,” Negan ordered, pulling himself up and helping her up as well. Leading her back against his cock, he used one hand to help her hips while his other reached around her to connect with her clitoris to caress over it. “You always take my cock so well sweetheart.”

By the time that Negan led her to her orgasm, it didn’t take long for him to follow not far behind her. The vibration of his laugh was felt against the back of her neck after he moaned a final time against her wet flesh. Negan nuzzled his nose against the base of her neck before falling to the bed beside her.

“Come here sweetheart,” Negan pulled her to him when he fell onto his back and dragged her in against his sweaty chest to hold her to him. “That was nice. Then again, it’s always nice.”

Listening to the faint pants of Negan, Y/N cuddled her head up against the center of his chest. With her head over his chest she could hear the pounding of his heart inside of his body and she bit firmly into her bottom lip. This was her favorite part of having sex with Negan. The after when he would hold her in his arms.

“I was thinking,” she finally spoke up after they were able to catch their breaths. “Maybe one day, you and I can go out to dinner or something somewhere?”

“We go out to dinner all the time,” Negan reminded her knowing that they would often go out somewhere between school and their games that they were coaching.

“I meant…as like a date?” she suggested and Negan laughed after she said that. “I mean, I enjoy these meet ups and sleeping with you is incredible...”

“Dates are kind of hard considering our situations,” Negan reminded her, clearly talking about their marriages. “If we go out at random times when it doesn’t make sense, it will draw attention to the fact that we were together in a way that wasn’t…good.”

“Well what exactly did you tell Lucille today that you were doing?” she pondered knowing they had met up in a place just right out of their town. Twisting her fingers through the dark hair covering his chest, Y/N noticed Negan’s breathing change.

“I told her I was buying some supplies just out of town. I did it the other day, but hid it so she wouldn’t know,” Negan explained, his eyebrow arching up when she lifted her head to meet his stare. “So, it bought me some time to be with you.”

“Well then maybe we can grab something to eat here? Just take some time walking around main street. No one would know us here,” she proposed and Negan slid up on the bed, watching her shift with him. “It’s just a thought.”

“I don’t have long,” Negan answered her, swallowing down hard when he spoke. “I have some plans tonight that were made a while ago. I just wanted to make sure that we got this time together when we could.”

“Oh, well that makes sense,” she muttered, her eyes narrowing when Negan let out a wince and reached up to rub at the back of his neck. “Everything okay?”

“I just, I think I fucked up my shoulders coaching the other day. I was hitting some balls from the pitcher and I ended up overextending my shoulder,” Negan responded, his eyebrows arching up while she looked him over. “Or I’m just fucking getting old.”

“Lay on your stomach,” she told him and Negan’s right eyebrow arched up in curiosity. Spinning her finger in the air, she gave him a firm look and he laughed before listening to her. Carefully Negan moved and laid on his stomach. Moving over him, she started caressing over his shoulders hearing his moan when she started to do it. “I want to help you.”

“You are a fucking angel,” Negan sighed while her fingers worked at the firm knots in his back. For a while she massaged his body and he found himself getting exceedingly comfortable beneath her. “You’re going to make me fall asleep.”

“Just relax while you can,” she recommended and Negan hummed while her fingers teased over his skin. “You know, I was wondering…what’s the plan for us?”

“You mean for our next meeting?” he stammered, another loud grunt falling from his lips while she worked on his taut muscles.

“I kind of mean the future in general,” she whispered and Negan looked over his shoulder at her while she rubbed at his shoulders. “Are we always going to have a relationship like this? Hiding it from people? I know it’s strange to talk about since we’re both married…”

“I don’t know. I am kind of a go with the flow kind of guy,” Negan bit down on his bottom lip and tried to think of what to say. “Whatever happens, I just assumed would happen.”

“Well, what are we going to do when the summer comes?” she brought up something that was not long off and Negan adjusted underneath her so that he was on his back. Tracing her fingers up and over his chest, she could see that Negan appreciated her touch and she shrugged her shoulders. “I uh…I haven’t slept with Spencer in months. Other than being married to him, he’s just there. When I’m with him, I find myself thinking about you. How are we going to be able to sneak away during the summer together without it being obvious?”

“Well we have our sports camp,” Negan reminded her, his eyebrow arching up as she let out a disappointed sound. “That will be fun.”

“But short,” she pointed out and Negan frowned, his dimples sinking in when she spoke. “I don’t think I can go a whole summer without getting to see you. You’re part of my everyday life and I just…I don’t want to wait that long to see you.”

“We should just worry about it when we are there,” Negan maintained, his hands falling to her hips while she straddled him. “I think worrying this far ahead is going to be hard to do. We’ll stress about it and I just…I don’t think we should really stress that much.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she agreed, lowering her eyes to the tattoo that was over his chest and she traced over it with her fingertips. “I just really like being with you.”

“And I like being with you too,” Negan gave her a wink, but the sound of his cell phone ringing filtered through the air making her bite down on her bottom lip when Negan extended himself just enough to grab his pants. Pulling his cell phone from them, Negan speedily answered the phone and pulled it up to his ear. “Hello.”

Placing his finger over his mouth, Negan hinted to her that she needed to be quiet while he was on the phone and she nodded. Negan’s eyes shifted while he listened to the person on the other end of the call and he lifted his wrist to look at his watch.

“Baby, we have a few hours,” Negan spoke and in that moment Y/N realized that Negan was obviously talking to Lucille. Pulling herself from Negan’s body, she moved around the motel room and moved for her bag. The clothes she was wearing were what Negan had asked her to wear and she had another set in her bag to change back into since what she was originally wearing wasn’t something that she would usually wear around Spencer. “I’m getting the things as quickly as I can, but then I promise I will be home soon. You have my word.”

Getting dressed, Y/N watched as Negan rest on his elbow and stretched out his long torso for her to look over. The thing that probably hurt the most about this relationship was that Negan wasn’t hers. He was still very much Lucille’s. Y/N just got time with him on the side. It was something she thought she would be okay with, but she really wasn’t. She wanted Negan and she wanted him desperately. More than just sex.

“Mhmm, I love you too sweetheart,” Negan muttered the words she hadn’t heard from him at all since they had started their affair. It was something she longed to hear, something she wanted to say herself, but she was too scared to. She was certain that she was in love with Negan. How couldn’t she be after how much they had bonded over to the last few months? Badly, she wanted to say those words, but she didn’t want to scare Negan off. “I’ll be home soon. Bye baby.”

Moving back over to the table, she sat down and noticed the way Negan was looking over at her after he hung up his phone. Avoiding eye contact, she knew that she felt strange for being jealous. Jealous of the relationship that him and Lucille had. Without a doubt, she thought Lucile was the luckiest woman in the world getting to be married to Negan. She wanted to be able to have that official term with Negan, but instead she was stuck with someone like Spencer. In a relationship that had become to mean nothing to her.

“What’s wrong?” Negan questioned, noticing that she was upset and he reached for his boxer briefs from where he was seated on the edge of the bed. Hopping up from the bed, Negan pulled the material up and over his legs before fixing the waistband at his hips. Lifting her eyes, Y/N noticed that Negan was trying to read her and she shrugged her shoulders. “Something is wrong.”

“No. I’m fine,” she lied and Negan tilted his head to the side. Negan looked around the room for something and when his eyes fell upon the outdated clock radio beside the bed, he reached for it. It buzzed a horrible sound that made them both cringe, but he scrolled the radio stations until he found something he liked. The tune of a late eighties love song filled the air and she found her nose wrinkling when Negan started wiggling his hips to the music. “What are you doing?”

“Shhh…” Negan turned to face her, dancing and twisting his body to the music. At first, she seemed to be confused with what he was doing, but the more he got into the dancing, the easier it was for him to bring a laugh from her lips. “Now this is my jam.”

“Not exactly the song I would have pictured you liking,” she giggled the more he danced and swayed his hips to the music. “You do know what you’re doing, right?”

“Of course I do,” Negan moved before her, reaching for the chair to pull it out further for him. A warmth flooded into her face while Negan continued to do his dance around her as she sat in the chair. Lowering her head into her palm, she tried her best to not burst out in laughter. Negan’s palms slid in over her shoulders and toward her chest before he moved around her again to urge her hands from her face. “Hands down, you want to keep watching this.”

“You’re right, I do. This is something I never want to forget,” she realized knowing that Negan was always silly, but she never thought she would see him doing an over the top silly dance to make her laugh while dressed in his boxer briefs. “You are…pretty good.”

“I am,” Negan reached for her hands, pulling her up to him making her fall into his chest. She hooked her arms around his shoulders and his hands moved in over her hips to urge her to dance with him. Their laughs filled the small motel room while they danced together and she found herself in awe of Negan. She knew he had to leave, but he was doing his best to make her joyful before he did. “You make me happy.”

“You make me happy,” she repeated what he said, resting her forehead against his while they continued to dance together until the end of the song and she brushed her fingers through his dark hair. “So very happy.”

“Good,” Negan gave her a wink before moving forward to press his lips against hers. It was long, lingering and she knew it was the final one that she was going to get today. When he pulled away, he caressed over the side of her face to look her over one more time. “I’ve gotta go.”

Nodding, she watched him move back to the radio to turn it off and he grabbed his clothes. Watching Negan was hard because she didn’t really want him to leave, but it didn’t matter what she wanted. It took a while for her to gather her things before heading home and when she got home, she noticed that Spencer was home when he should have still been at work.

“There you are,” Spencer called out the moment she entered the house. Y/N had left her bag in the car knowing that it was best for her not to bring in the clothes she was wearing when she was with Negan. “I got off work early and thought the two of us could go out to a nice dinner. There is this really snazzy place that Aiden had dinner reservations for but couldn’t make it home. So, he thought we should take them.”

“Is that really something you want to do? That’s not really your kind of thing,” she reminded him knowing that Spencer didn’t really like going to things where there were a lot of people and food cost a bit of money. He may have had all the money he needed to be beyond comfortable, but he was still a cheap ass.

“It’s not like a tight ass place where you have to get dressed up, but it’s still a place where it’s really popular. There is dancing and good food,” Spencer waved his hands in the air while he stared out at her. “I feel like it has been a long time since the two of us went out and had a good time. I think we should just go and enjoy it. I can’t remember the last time we did that.”

“I don’t know…” she saw the disappointed look over Spencer’s features and she shrugged her shoulders. “I ran at the park today. Do you think it would be okay if I took a shower first before we went?”

“If it’s a quick one,” Spencer’s mood perked up and he clapped his hands together. She froze up when Spencer grabbed a hold of her face and pulled her to him so he could deposit a kiss over her lips. “I’m so glad we’re doing this.”

There was nothing she could say. She agreed to it just because. There was nothing she no longer felt for Spencer and she felt bad about it. When they were kids, she considered him her friend, but she felt like they were long beyond that as well.

After getting ready, they headed out and had to stand in line for a while. By the time they were finally into the restaurant, it was rather loud and it seemed more like a bar environment than something people would actually need reservations for, but there were a lot of people there.

“This is incredible,” Spencer muttered against her earlobe, clearly enthusiastic about the place. Truthfully, she would have rather been in a quiet place where she could be alone with Negan. That was really where she felt like she was at home the best lately, but she was going to put on a show for Spencer. At least go with what he asked of her. “You don’t seem excited.”

“It’s just been a long time since we’ve done anything like this,” she acknowledged with a loud sigh. When they got up to the front of the line Spencer gave his last name and stepped aside. Keeping her head down, she felt Spencer’s arm around her while they waited.

“Table for Negan,” the familiar deep voice filtered through the air making Y/N’s head raise and she saw Negan not far off in the distance with Lucille. Stepping back, she moved in behind Spencer attempting to hide herself with Negan there. Immediately, her eyes fell to Negan’s hand that was holding tightly to Lucille’s and she swallowed down hard.

“Honey, what are you doing?” Spencer took notice of the way that she was shifting and uncomfortable. Lifting his head, Spencer looked around and when his eyes fell upon Negan, he reached for her and grabbed her arm. “Hey, isn’t that the guy that you work with? Negan? The guy that used to be the baseball player?”

“I don’t…know,” she didn’t know how to answer hoping that Negan didn’t end up seeing them there. It was already awkward enough that they were both somewhere at the same time with their spouses.

“How do you not know? You are with him every day except for the weekends,” Spencer snorted and stepped forward to get a better look at him. “Yeah, of course that’s him. Negan…hey…”

“No,” she reached to try to stop Spencer from drawing the attention of Negan across the crowd and when Negan lifted his head, she could feel her cheeks blushing over. “Spencer, stop…”

“No, let’s go say hello,” Spencer firmly grabbed her wrist to tug her through the crowd. When Negan’s eyes connected with hers, his face got pale making her feel awful for agreeing to come to this place in the first place. “Fancy seeing you here. I’m Spencer, Y/N’s husband. I’m sure you remember me. We’ve met a few times…”

“Oh, of course,” Negan reached his hand out to accept Spencer’s hand in his and he gave a crooked smile. “Crazy seeing the two of you here. Lucille, you remember my co-worker Y/N.”

Negan stepped aside leaving room for Lucille to say hello. There was a panicked expression over Negan’s face while Lucille stepped forward to accept Y/N’s hand in hers, “Of course I remember you. We’ve talked a bit. It’s so good to see you. Negan has talked about you a lot lately…”

Lucille moved in to hug Y/N and when she did, Y/N shot Negan a look where they were both very plainly uncomfortable. When Lucille pulled back, Lucille looked toward the tables and nodded toward an area, “We should have dinner together. The four of us.”

“Oh no, we couldn’t impose on your dinner,” Y/N insisted with a firm shake of her head and Negan reached out to squeeze his hand in over Lucille’s shoulder to urge her back to him. “You two probably want some time together and that’s…fine.”

“Yeah honey, I doubt they would do that kind of shit here anyways,” Negan blurt out and the hostess that was standing just beyond them called out to them.

“We could put your tables together if you would like?” she offered and it was clear that the hostess was attempting to be nice and help them, but both Negan and Y/N were very against the whole thing because of the awkwardness of it.

“Really, it’s okay,” Y/N looked back at Spencer and she cleared her throat, doing her best to still be polite while rejecting the offer. “I’m sure Spencer would like…”

“I think it’d be cool to sit with them,” Spencer interjected, moving forward to wrap his arm around YN’s shoulder. There was a big smile that expanded over Spencer’s features while he held Y/N close to him. “I mean, I know it sounds crazy ridiculous and a little stalkerish, but I always wanted to get to know Negan. I actually watched the first few games of major league baseball he was in and I’d just love to talk to him about it.”

“Yeah babe, let’s do it,” Lucille suggested and before they knew it the hostess was leading them toward two tables that were pushed together. When Negan went to sit on the same side as Lucille, Lucille pushed him to the other side and urged him to sit next to Y/N who was already seated. “This is how we would normally be seated and I want to be able to openly talk with our friends here.”

“Baby,” Negan went to reason with Lucille as Lucille waved Spencer on to sit next to her. Spencer took a seat and Y/N took notice of how Negan helped Lucille into her seat. Spencer never did anything like that for her. He lacked manners badly. Negan was a total gentleman and she was in awe of that, but also jealous. This was nerve wrecking and she wished she would have never agreed to come here tonight with Spencer. When Negan took a seat next to Y/N they both seemed to try to keep a distance between each other to keep things from being awkward. “So, how are you guys today? Do anything special?”

“This is the first special thing we’ve done in a long time,” Spencer answered and leaned on his elbows while they got close enough to the tables to hear each other talk with the loud sounds that were around them. “We don’t really get out a lot.”

“Well school works these two to the bone,” Lucille pointed out with a smile that actually seemed genuine. “I gotta give it to them, it’s a lot of work what they do, but they do it well. It probably helps having someone who you are good friends with to help you out. I think your wife is my husband’s best friend.”

“Oh?” Spencer looked to Y/N with an arched brow. Y/N never really talked to Spencer about her life at work. The less he knew, the better. Lucille probably didn’t know the kind of man that Spencer was, so she didn’t blame her. Lucille was just being friendly. “My wife really doesn’t talk to me much about work. It’s probably because I’m not really happy with her job.”

“Oh?” Lucille seemed surprised with Spencer’s bluntness.

“Like you said they work them long hours. Eventually I want to have a family and I just think at the rate they keep them there…or they volunteer there, there really isn’t enough time for everything,” Spencer reasoned and Y/N couldn’t believe he was being so straightforward about everything. “I kind of am a little old fashioned. You know?”

“Isn’t your mother a government official?” Negan confirmed that fact with Spencer watching the way that Spencer’s expression changed. “I thought your mother was a government official and your father was just a professor. So I would think that would be very…not old fashioned myself.”

There was a smile that perked in over the corner of Lucille’s lips when Negan seemed to correct Spencer in that comment. Underneath the table, Negan reached out to give Y/N’s knee a firm squeeze before adjusting in his seat.

“I just mean I would like to have some more time with her,” Spencer’s face flushed over when he was called out on his own comment. Embarrassment flooded his face and it wasn’t often that someone put him in his place. “I’m sure Lucille gets frustrated with the lack of time the two of you don’t have together.”

“Oh, I’m fine with it. I think because we have time apart when we are together now, we enjoy ourselves more,” Lucille answered, noticing that the waiter was coming for their order. They took time to stop talking for a moment to order drinks before speaking up again after the waiter left. “That way he has things he likes to do and feel important with, but when we’re together, we just focus on being…us.”

Listening to Lucille talk to Spencer sounded very different than the things Y/N knew to be true about Negan and Lucille. Then again, when she had witnessed them fighting in the past, it was originally toward the beginning of her working at the school.

During the early chit chat, Y/N was fairly quiet because she didn’t want to draw attention to herself. She was already feeling odd enough today before she even showed up at the restaurant. The jealousy she had for Lucille was still prevalent. If she talked, Y/N felt like she would make it obvious that she wasn’t happy with how things were. It was hard to hide how she felt. Y/N was a very emotional person and hiding them down made things complicated for her. She didn’t really want to be obvious and if she interacted with Negan she was afraid it might show how she felt toward him.

“So how did the two of you meet?” Lucille questioned and she was looking at Y/N with her big, bright hazel eyes. The green in her eyes was very eye catching and Y/N thought about how beautiful Lucille actually was with her blonde hair that went down to her shoulders. “I always like hearing how couples ended up getting together.”

“We met when we were kids. We lived on the same block,” Y/N explained knowing that it felt awkward talking about Spencer with Lucille. Lucille was so exceedingly friendly and smiley that it strangely made Y/N feel super guilty about everything. “I was really close with his family. Both him and his brother…”

“And she had the biggest crush on me,” Spencer blurt out, interrupting her when Y/N was about to continue. “We started dating because I had a feeling that she had a crush on me. She was over all the time hanging out. I had a friend ask if she was crushing on me and would want to go to the school dance with me…”

Negan choked when he was drinking his beer because he knew the story that Y/N had told him about confusing the two brothers together. Shooting him a quick glance, Negan placed his hand in over the center of his chest as if to apologize, “Goodness, I’m sorry…”

“You okay?” Lucille asked and Negan nodded, faking coughing after he obviously involuntarily laughed about the fact he knew the real story. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to tell Negan about how she was crushing on Aiden in the first place and not Spencer. Thankfully, Spencer was to self-centered to really notice that Negan had laughed. “Please…continue.”

“Well, we just dated through most of college and at a party my family was having I asked her to marry me in front of everyone,” Spencer informed them and Negan’s eyebrows clenched together while Spencer talked about their past. “My parents were really fond of her. I thought they would appreciate seeing the moment live.”

“Oh yeah, with all those people around,” Negan mocked Spencer almost when he took another long swig of his beer. Thankfully Spencer didn’t notice, but it seemed like Lucille might have kicked at Negan’s foot to get him to behave.

“Well, what about you guys?” Spencer looked between them and Lucille shrugged her shoulders.

“We met when I was young too. I was a freshman and Negan was a senior in high school. My parents weren’t fond of the relationship at first, but I was head over heels in love with him,” Lucille reached her hand out for Negan’s taking his hand in hers to give it a firm squeeze. “We stayed together for a while. Occasionally had our on and offs, but when I got to college Negan took me to the beach. He had set up a thing where he put my favorite flowers into the shape of a heart. Lit a bunch of candles and spelled out will you marry me? It was amazing.”

“Well holy shit, that’s very romantic,” Spencer seemed impressed looking to Negan with big eyes. “You don’t really seem like the romantic type so I’m impressed. You two, that’s…lovely. Like something right out of a movie.”

“Don’t let that fool you. We’ve had our problems,” Lucille spoke before Negan could seeing Negan’s head tilting to the side while he stared out at her with his dimples sinking in. “At the beginning of our marriage is when Negan kind of got that big push to the major leagues.”

“I remember. There was so much press surrounding him when I was young. I just remember how excited people were to see him as an up and coming star. He was fucking phenomenal and then he just disappeared. Which was strange because I was huge on stats as a kid and I remember people thinking he was going to be something huge,” Spencer thought back to when he was young and was obsessed with baseball. He still was to some degree, but as a child, he was very much into baseball. “They really thought you would go down in history as one of the greats. I always wondered what it was that made you leave. I thought you were injured, but…I never found anything.”

“Uhm…” Negan’s jaw flexed and a bit of color flushed into his cheeks hearing about how things were in the past.

“That’s…my fault,” Lucille stated with a firm nod. Lucille looked between Spencer and Negan before shrugging her shoulders. “I was young and I couldn’t handle all the fame it brought with Negan being who he was. I didn’t realize what I was getting into when I married Negan. I knew he wanted to be a ball player, but I didn’t think it would have fans standing outside of where we were living trying to see him. I didn’t expect reporters trying to contact our house all the time. It was very overwhelming.”

“Well, I can picture,” Spencer rest his chin against his fist that was braced by his arm against the table.

“I got so overwhelmed with it that I asked Negan to pick me or the major leagues. He didn’t have the answer I really wanted so I left,” Lucille looked down toward her lap while Negan reached for his beer again to quickly drink down the rest of it. When Negan saw the waiter, he waved his fingers and pointed toward the beer, clearly wanting another one. “I went to my parent’s place and he was supposed to be off in another state at the game. Instead he ended up on my parent’s porch in the pouring rain begging me to forgive him. He had flowers and he told me that I was more important than baseball to him. The rest is kind of history.”

“Wow,” Spencer exclaimed letting out a shocked sound. “Now that is someone who genuinely is head over heels in love with the person that they love. They are willing to give up everything that’s important to them for love. That’s…I give you props big man because I’m not sure that I would have been able to do something like that.”

“It was the most romantic gesture that I could have ever pictured,” Lucille pulled Negan’s hand to her to deposit a kiss over the back of his hand.

“And now you’re a gym teacher,” Spencer snorted making Y/N reach out to smack his hand in a way as if to drop the mocking attitude. “I’m not trying to be an asshole; I just couldn’t imagine being one of the biggest up and coming stars only to just give it up to be a gym teacher.”

“I like what I do,” Negan responded, his jaw flexing when he thought of how to answer things. When the waiter came back with his second beer, Negan was eager to get a long drink of it. “It’s nice being able to help the kids achieve greatness if they get into good colleges. I like helping people.”

“Well color me impressed,” Spencer shrugged while they continued some small talk throughout the night.

Y/N couldn’t wait for the night to be over. When the food came Negan and Lucille had split their meals to share reminding Y/N of how Negan was with her in the mornings or when they would share meals. Originally, she thought it was something that was special and cute between them, but it was something he had obviously been doing with Lucille and just carried over with Y/N.

“Oh babe,” Lucille boasted when she heard a song start to play and she stood up from the table holding her hand out for him. “Let’s go dance. I love this song.”

“In the middle of the meal?” Negan questioned looking down at his food and Lucille clapped her hands together. “Sweetheart, with my back…”

“Is someone getting old?” Spencer teased and Y/N wanted to die on the spot hearing her husband giving Negan such a hard time.

“Kind of the opposite. We were…being acrobatic with each other and I might have bent a certain way that didn’t agree with his back and shoulders,” Lucille waved her hands in the air making Negan choke and his eyes got wide when she said it. “It was my fault.”

“Lucille!” Negan was embarrassed that she was clearly talking about sex and Y/N felt her face flooding with heat realizing that Negan had lied to her about how he had gotten hurt. Negan knew that she wasn’t sleeping with Spencer and he liked it that way. He stressed that. Yet, he was still sleeping with Lucille? And at the dinner table tonight they seemed like the perfect couple.

“Gee, I would really like to be doing some acrobatics. Can’t remember the last time I did that with my wife,” Spencer retorted with a snort and it made all of them quiet. Lucille gave Spencer a scrutinizing look that made everyone obviously uncomfortable.

“Well, that is a good time to for us to go to the dancefloor,” Negan got up from his seat and reached for Lucille’s hand leading her with him to where people were dancing. When they left, Spencer stared out at Y/N with an expecting glance. The way his big brown eyes were hooked on hers made her shrug.

“See, that’s a real couple. They’re having sex. They’re happy. Their story is incredible,” Spencer pointed out toward the dance floor where Negan and Lucille were dancing together. Y/N’s eyes were hooked on the way Negan was dancing with Lucille. They both were laughing and Lucille’s arms were hooked around Negan’s shoulders. Swallowing down hard, Y/N went back to her food to poke at it. Curiosity got the best of her and she lifted her head to see how much fun Negan and Lucille seemed to be having together. At the end of the song, she watched Lucille fall in against Negan’s chest. They whispered something together before Negan kissed Lucille in a very passionate, lingering kiss. “You know, since he’s your best friend and all you think you could learn a thing or two from him about love. Hell, even her. She’s incredible. And you…you’ve been quiet this whole time.”

“I just didn’t want to interrupt you,” she was embarrassed hearing what he was saying. Essentially, Spencer was telling Y/N that Lucille was better than her. Thinking of how incredibly jealous she was that Negan seemed so happy with Lucille made that sinking feeling in her gut get even worse. Looking back at the dance floor, Y/N felt a crushing feeling in her chest and it took her breath away. “You know we could dance, if you want?”

Instead of responding, Spencer simply laughed and shook his head before taking another bite of his food. There was a want to try and make Negan jealous. Y/N thought by taking Spencer to go dance with her, that maybe Negan would be affected by it. But watching Spencer’s arrogant reaction made Y/N let out a hesitant breath, “What?”

“You dance like shit,” Spencer snorted with a mouthful of food. “Do you remember what happened at our wedding? We don’t need a repeat of that.”

“You were drunk Spencer,” she reminded him and he shrugged his shoulders. “I fell because I was trying to hold you up.”

“God, would you look at them,” Spencer pointed off in the distance and Y/N looked again to see Negan with Lucille dancing to a more upbeat song. Negan was standing behind her while Lucille’s hips were pressed in over Negan’s groin and Negan’s hand was pressed over the center of Lucille’s abdomen. The way Negan kissed over Lucille’s neck made Y/N’s face get red. This was all too much for her to take as she forced herself to look away from him. “She is something else. Negan is an incredibly lucky man.”

“Excuse me,” Y/N stood up from the table and folded her napkin before setting it down on the table. “I’m going to go to the restroom.”

“You’re going to leave me here alone?” Spencer seemed offended as she quickly headed for the bathroom. Thankfully when she got in there it was empty and she moved over toward the counter to rest back against it for a few minutes to gather herself.

There were so many thoughts going through her mind right now and all of them weren’t great. When she started this relationship that she had with Negan, she went into it thinking that they were both in miserable relationships. Being here tonight she realized that wasn’t the case at all. Lucille seemed very happy with Negan. So much so, that even with Y/N being there, in Negan’s eyes it made it seem like Y/N didn’t exist. With Lucille there, Y/N was nothing, but a blip on his radar. They seemed very much in love which made Y/N question her entire relationship with Negan overall. Everything with Spencer was upsetting her too because he was insisting that she wasn’t perfect. Which only further dug the point that Lucille was and Y/N wasn’t anywhere near close to perfect.

The sound of the door pushing open was heard and Y/N lifted her head to see Lucille moving into the restroom. Trying to straighten her posture, Y/N didn’t want to alert Lucille to the fact that she was upset with everything.

“Hey, you okay?” Lucille inquired, stepping before Y/N to look her over with her bright, vibrant eyes. “Spencer said you went to the bathroom and I figured I should check on you. I almost…I kind of figured you would be upset. I could only imagine the rest of the shit that came out of his mouth when Negan and I left.”

“I’m fine,” Y/N lied and Lucille gave her a shifty expression, “I’ll live.”

“You’re kind of married to a sexist prick, aren’t you?” Lucille muttered moving in beside Y/N by the counter and it made a lump develop in Y/N’s throat. “The shit that was coming out of his mouth, I wanted to smack him for you. Why are you married to him?”

“I often wonder the same thing,” Y/N breathed out, looking over at Lucille with a confused glance. “Maybe I’m just pathetic. I don’t know.”

“You’re not pathetic,” Lucille denied her claim and let out a long sigh. “Negan has told me a bit about your husband. I think you’re trying and I give you credit, but at the end of the day it’s not going to work. I can see the way he looks down on you. We’ve had fights, but Negan has never and will never talk to me like that in front of people.”

“You’re so fucking nice,” Y/N grunted making Lucille laugh when Y/N said those words with such an emphasis. Being best friends with Negan led Y/N to believe that Lucille was an awful person. The things she made Negan give up for her was wrong and Y/N was mad that it led Negan to give up everything, but Lucille was way too nice. For years, Y/N looked down on Lucille. Negan was always bitching about her, so this was all very confusing, but eye opening for Y/N. There was undoubtedly a good relationship that existed between Negan and Lucille. So, she had been led to believe something that wasn’t really true. Maybe at one point it was, but the way Negan and Lucille were tonight blew Y/N away. With how supportive Lucille had been really just shook things up for Y/N. “I’m sorry, I just…you are.”

“Thank you?” Lucille’s eyebrow arched up and Y/N felt so fucking guilty for everything she had done with Negan in the past. “Listen, so you’re not alone…Negan is out in the back grabbing a smoke. Go out there with him and I’ll come get you guys after I use the restroom. We don’t need your husband drawing attention and being a bigger creep than he already has been.”

“Sure,” Y/N nodded heading for the door. She stopped when she left the restroom. To her right was the door that led outside to the back where Negan was smoking and to the left was where Spencer would ultimately be waiting for her at the table. Heading right, she pushed open the back door and saw Negan smoking his cigarette with his back pressed up against the brick wall of the building. When Negan spotted her, he gave her a certain glance she couldn’t quite read and she moved in beside him. They were quiet for a moment and Negan reached for his cigarette pulling it from his lips to offer it to her. “No thank you.”

“Okay,” Negan shrugged his shoulders releasing a long cloud of smoke. “Your husband is a fucking asshole.”

“And you’re a liar,” Y/N reminded Negan catching the way his eyebrows clenched and he looked over at her with a confused expression. “You told me you hurt your back while training with the team. Instead you hurt your back having sex with your wife which I didn’t even think you were still doing because you were so insistent upon me not having sex with Spencer.”

“Listen…” Negan rubbed at the side of his face and he seemed exceedingly uncomfortable. “Now’s not the time.”

“I am so stupid,” she muttered to herself, lowering her head and Negan let out a tense breath. “I really thought I was something special to you and I wasn’t. God…”

“Don’t,” Negan stammered, his hazel eyes narrowing while he looked out at her with worry. “You are special to me. You’re very special to me, but I never said I was going to stop having a relationship with my wife. I never said that. You knew when you were getting with me that we were both married Y/N. We both knew that. That was the deal. I shouldn’t feel bad for still having a relationship with my wife. My wife and I fight, but we’re nothing like you and Spencer.”

Lowering her head, Y/N bit down on her bottom lip and Negan put his cigarette back between his lips. His steps were heard and his hands reached out to press in over her shoulders to give them a firm squeeze and she didn’t know how to respond.

“You’re my best friend,” Negan reminded her, reaching up to swipe his thumb in over her jawline to get her to look at him. Grabbing his cigarette, he tossed it aside and exhaled a large amount of smoke before shrugging. “You mean the world to me. More than you will ever know.”

Leaning into his touch, she reached her hand up to press in over his knowing that she was head over heels in love with Negan. It was just so hard to admit it to him and actually say it. Now, it just felt even more awkward after all they had been through.

“You’re not going to leave Spencer. You haven’t even considered leaving him. It’s not something you’ve brought up and even Lucille tonight realizes that you shouldn’t be with him,” Negan pointed out, his hazel eyes narrowing as he spoke. “The guy is a fucking prick and life would be so much better for you if you did leave him.”

“And then what?” she pushed and Negan threw his hands up in the air.

“Then I know we’re serious,” Negan stammered, reaching up to brush his fingers through his short hair. “I just need to know that everything isn’t going to be lost.”

“We need to talk at some point Negan because…I’m confused,” she admitted and his head tilted to the side while he stared out at her. Stepping back and away from him, she heard the sound of the back door opening. Lucille’s head popped out and she gave them both a big grin before moving outside with them.

“I bet he’s sweating at this point wondering where all of us went,” Lucille snickered and both of them feigned a smile. They were uncomfortable with this whole thing. This was something that Negan and Y/N never would have wanted to happen, yet here they were. “We should get back.”

“Sounds good baby,” Negan agreed and Lucille moved across the distance to loosely wrap her arms around his shoulders, helping to pull herself up onto her toes to meet Negan in a long, drawn out kiss.

Y/N felt her cheeks getting hot and she felt extremely uncomfortable watching the man she was having an affair with pretty much make out with his wife. Negan’s eyes opened while he was kissing Lucille and the way his eyes connected with Y/N’s while he kissed Lucille just made her feel weird. It almost seemed deliberate and it hurt her.

Turning on her heel, Y/N reached for the door and pulled it open knowing that she couldn’t take this anymore. Her jealousy was wrong. The way she was feeling was wrong. Negan was never hers to begin with so having these emotions made her feel like an awful person and in her mind…she already was a horrible person for what she had done with Negan. No matter how right things had felt in the moment.

Not bothering to wait to see if they were following her, she headed back to the table where Spencer seemed to be impatiently waiting for them. Y/N took the seat across from Spencer hearing him grunt when she sat down. His fingers were grasped tightly to the glass in his hand and his brow line creased.

“Did you decide to go for a fucking walk while you were at it? Do you know how awkward it is fucking sitting her and having everyone stare at you?” Spencer slurred and it became extremely obvious by the glasses that were lined up on the table and his speech that Spencer was drunk. “We decide to go out for a nice date and you spend…”

A wince fell from Y/N’s throat when Spencer reached out to grab a firm hold of her wrist, yanking it forward toward him, “Spencer, stop. We’re in public.”

“Do you honestly think I give a shit?” Spencer went to continue to lecture her only to see Negan and Lucille returning to their table and he quickly released her arm.

“Everything okay?” Negan’s eyebrows tensed together after he had clearly seen the way that Spencer had a hold of her before they got back to the table.

“Perfect,” Spencer faked a smile while the two of them sat back down. “Although, I do think at one point the waiter was starting to wonder with you three missing from the table if we were trying to ditch on the bill.”

“Nah, he knew I needed to go for a cigarette. I told him,” Negan responded, his eyes connecting with Lucille who had her eyes locked on Y/N. They were both upset with how things were with Spencer, but neither one of them really had the right to say anything. It wasn’t their business, but Negan was sure that Lucille was finding it harder and harder to keep her mouth shut. “Nothing to worry about.”

The next few minutes were extraordinarily uncomfortable. Lucille probably thought all around it was about Spencer and his actions. For Negan and Y/N, it was clearly deeper on a level that they couldn’t even begin to explain when it came to discomfort. Lucille and Spencer had a little bit more of a small talk going on and it was obvious she was trying to keep Spencer from attacking Y/N again. When the bill finally came for the both of them, Y/N was thankful. She was ready to get the hell out of here. Spencer quickly said goodbye and stumbled away from the table making it exceedingly obvious just how drunk he was. 

“It was nice seeing you again,” Lucille muttered from where she was seated as Y/N looked back at Spencer wondering if she needed to move as quickly as he was. When Spencer was drunk, he was known to do stupid things. “Take it easy, okay?”

“I’ll try. This was really nice and it was incredible getting to talk with you Lucille. You’re…wonderful,” Y/N went to leave and she felt someone grabbing a hold of her wrist before she could. Looking down, she saw Negan’s fingers wrapped around her wrist and she didn’t know what to say.

“You’re not letting him drive home, right?” Negan confirmed and Y/N nodded. There was no way she was going to get into a car with Spencer with him like that if he was driving. “Good. I’ll see you on Monday, okay?”

Giving him a fake smile, she didn’t want to show Lucille that she was upset with the situation. Tonight proved to Y/N one thing and that was she should feel awful about the things that she was doing with Negan. There was no doubt in her mind that Lucille loved Negan and part of her believed Negan loved Lucille too. Sure, there were things that Lucille should have never done or forced Negan to do when it came to the things he loved, but it seemed like they were actually a half-decent couple. So why Negan started this affair with her was very confusing.

When Y/N made it outside, Spencer had himself propped up against the brick wall and she moved over to try to comfort him. Spencer had thrown up on the sidewalk and was groaning to himself. Sliding her palm in over his shoulder, she felt him quickly pull himself from her before shoving her aside.

“Give me the keys baby,” Y/N tried to ignore the upset feeling that was developing in pit of her stomach when Spencer turned to look at her with his brown eyes. Spencer wiped at his lips with the back of his hand before grunting when he looked to her outstretched hand. “You can’t drive home like this.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Spencer insisted when Lucille and Negan had made their way out of the restaurant. “I’m okay to drive.”

“No, you’re not. Just give me the keys because I’m not getting into a car where you’re driving,” Y/N tried to talk quiet enough. She didn’t want to draw the attention of Negan and Lucille. This was already embarrassing enough.

“You’re going to get in the fucking car and we’re going home,” Spencer reached for Y/N’s arm again and tried to pull her toward the car.

“No Spencer, I’ll just walk home then,” Y/N blurt out, attempting to pull her arm from Spencer’s grasp. “I’m not going to get into a car with you if you’re driving. You can barely walk and you just threw up everywhere. You’re in no position to be driving anywhere.”

“Lucille, stop,” Y/N heard the sound of Negan’s voice not far off in the distance and she felt someone moving between her and Spencer. It caused Spencer to fall back and Y/N noticed that Lucille was between the two of them. “It’s not our business.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Spencer, we’re going to take Y/N home. Okay? You drive yourself, that’s okay, but right now we’ll be driving Y/N home,” Lucille stepped before Y/N in almost a protective stance and Y/N could feel her jaw flexing with how Lucille was being toward her. The fact Lucille was being so protective of Y/N and standing up for her like this made the guilt that was building inside of Y/N so much worse. “Either that or you give her the keys because we’re not going to allow her to get in that car with you if you’re driving home.”

“Hey, it’s no worries,” Spencer waved his hands in the air and reached for the keys from his pocket. Dangling them in a dramatic manner, Spencer moved over toward the two of them to hold the keys out to Y/N. “I wasn’t really going to drive home Lucille. I know better than that.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Lucille looked back at Y/N, still keeping her positioning in front of Y/N. “Negan and I can still take you home.”

“I’ll be fine,” Y/N assured Lucille, grabbing the keys from Spencer’s fingers. Spencer wiggled his fingers and moved to the passenger’s side of the car to get in. When Y/N moved to the driver’s seat, she stopped and called out to Lucille who seemed to be bickering with Negan. “Thank you.”

Lucille gave her a nod and Y/N got in the car. The drive back home was almost unbearable as Spencer bitched her out for causing a scene about the driving. Instead of fighting back, she just tried to ignore him. Once she was pulled into the driveway and turned the car off, the sound of Spencer screaming at her made her cringe. She was sick of it.

Getting out of the car, she slammed the door shut and headed back to the house. When she got into the house, she went to head upstairs, but Spencer managed to make it in before she could, “What the hell is wrong with you? I take you out to do something nice for you and you decide to be a fucking bitch? This is the kind of thank you that I get?”

“Do you think you do absolutely nothing wrong?” Y/N finally snapped back after keeping everything locked up inside since they had left home. Spencer’s eyes got wide and his jaw flexed while listening to her. “In front of my co-worker and his wife, you said nothing but awful things about me Spencer. You are so mentally abusive and I can’t believe I’ve put up with it for this long.”

“I’m upset and I think I have every right to be,” Spencer grunted, his face scrunching up in anger. “Sitting there listening to Negan and Lucille’s story should have opened your eyes the fuck up Y/N. God, that woman is fucking perfect and then there is you.”

“How should it have opened my eyes?” she folded her arms out in front of her chest making Spencer snort when she did it. “Enlighten me Spencer.”

“The story about Negan leaving the major leagues. Lucille was upset. She hated his job and because he loved her, Negan picked Lucille over his job. That says a lot Y/N because he was really fucking good at it. Negan was so fucking good baseball that he was the big talk. He signed a massive contract and he could have been one of the best,” Spencer rambled on and Y/N felt her chest start to ache when she realized where this was headed. “Yet, he gave that all up because he loved someone. What he had is more important that what you have at your job. Negan could have been rich, famous and cherished as a national star, but he picked Lucille. That’s what you’re supposed to do when someone you love is unhappy with your job.”

“That was awful that Negan had to pick between her and his dreams,” Y/N stammered in a rebuttal, the corners of her lips pulling up into a smile as she threw her hands up in the air. “He’s miserable that he did that. Couldn’t you see that? Every day he wishes he could go back and change that, but even if that wasn’t the case Spencer…Lucille seems pretty damn amazing. Someone worth fighting for. Not someone like you who is an abusive shithead that…”

Before she could even acknowledge what happened Y/N felt the firm smack against the side of her face, catching her off guard. Immediately following the smack, she felt Spencer shove into her firmly and she hit the ground. Moving in over her, Spencer grabbed a hold of her shirt and pointed his index finger at her.

“What are you going to do Spencer? Huh?” she stammered, refusing to be scared of him as she felt his body weight shift over her. “Are you going to beat it into me what you want? Is that what you’re going to do?”

There was a silence that surrounded them as Spencer’s expression changed and he carefully released her shirt and he stood up from where he was. His hand brushed through his hair and he let out a frustrated breath as she pulled herself into a seated position.

“I didn’t mean to do that, I am so sorry,” Spencer turned to her, holding his hands out and he shook his head. “I wasn’t thinking and…”

“I can’t do this anymore,” she announced from where she was seated. There was a strong pinging sensation on her cheek and she knew Spencer hit her pretty hard. Biting down on her bottom lip, she wrapped her arms around her knees and lifted her eyes to his. “I want a divorce Spencer. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

“Now that’s a bit extreme,” Spencer reasoned with Y/N. His voice was desperate and he was panting. “This is the first time I’ve hit you. I’ve never done that before and…I’m drunk. You know I’m drunk and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen, but we can’t…”

“I’m not going to sit back and let this keep happening. You’ll promise it will never happen again and then it will, but next time it will be worse,” she thought about the consequences of what would happen if she stayed with Spencer.

“But what are people going to think?” Spencer blurt out and she knew that his parents would be disappointed in him with the news because they really liked her. In fact, his parents had bent over backwards for them to be together. They set them up with the home they had, even though she was perfectly fine with paying things. After her mother had passed, she had left Y/N a significant sum of money, but Spencer’s parents always insisted. Which had always felt so wrong in the first place.

“I don’t care Spencer,” Y/N breathed out, her throat going dry the longer she thought about it. “I don’t care what people think at all. The only thing I care about is getting the fuck away from you.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After running into Negan and Lucille at the restaurant, the guilt eats away at Y/N. She attempts to end things with Negan while trying to get her life together after asking Spencer for a divorce.

Closing her eyes, Y/N winced with every forward thrust Negan made behind her. The warmth of his chest radiated against her back. His heavy breaths caused chills to run up and down her spine while he pressed kisses over the back of her neck. His fingers were hooked with hers while she found herself once again in the same motel room that they had met in the other day. The sounds of Negan’s groans were in her ear making a chill run down her spine while Negan muttered the kinds of things he had obviously thought she wanted to hear.

For a few days she had avoided Negan after what happened at the restaurant. Part of her was upset with him with the way he acted, but when she thought about what happened, she understood why he was acting the way he was. Yet it still lingered. Those days that they hadn’t really spoke much with him, it was obvious there was an uncomfortable feeling between the two of them. It was hard for the both of them to even talk about that night.

So, during those days she took her time to do what she needed to with her personal life. Since Spencer’s parents had given them the house, she decided to be the one to leave. Y/N was very open with Spencer’s family since they had been so good to her. There was no sense in lying about things. The Monroe family had been a big part of her life so long that she had to be honest. There were parts of it she left out with Spencer’s parents. While she was angry with Spencer, they didn’t need to know that their son was mentally abusive. She just told them they wanted different things.

When Aiden found out that she decided to be the one to leave and was going to start looking for a place, Aiden offered to let her stay at his apartment that he had in town. Aiden was away working with his mother and since he wasn’t using his apartment anyways, she accepted. It gave her time to be able to find a place for herself. While it was strange that she was living in Aiden’s apartment, it felt okay. No one was there. Instead of taking the bedroom, she slept on the couch and found comfort just in the silence. With Spencer, that was something she hadn’t had in a very long time.

When she woke up this morning, she knew that her and Negan had planned this day at the motel long before their restaurant interaction they had. Originally, she didn’t think she was going to do this, but who was she kidding? She was in love with Negan. There was no fooling herself with the way that she felt. Even if it made her feel bad, she couldn’t end things that way with Negan. Ending it with Negan after the restaurant without having an official sendoff would just feel heart breaking.

At first, she thought they might have had a conversation about the other night. Instead, they ended up doing what they had always done. Deep down, she knew it was wrong, but she was letting it happen. It was hard not to with the way she had always felt toward Negan. There was an addiction she had to Negan and she knew it. It was hard to let go of it.

“Fuck,” Negan groaned against the side of her neck when his movements slowed down. By the sounds he was making and the way his body pulsated inside of her she knew that he had reached his release. Tightening her grasp with Negan’s fingers, she cherished the warmth of his kisses over her jawline while he attempted to catch his breath. Minutes passed and the rhythmic sounds of his breathing were relaxing to her. It was upsetting though because the more she thought about it, the more she began to realize that this might be close to one of the last times she would be able to do this kind of thing with Negan. Continuing to lay on her stomach, a whimper involuntarily fell from her throat when Negan pulled from her. His lips lingered over her ear and Negan peppered kisses against her flesh. “You are so fucking beautiful, you know that?”

Instead of responding, she just focused on the feeling of his rough lips descending over her jawline, down her neck and over her shoulder. It felt nice to think that things were special between them. Part of her wished that she could have this every day with Negan. More than anything she longed for him and she knew it was wrong, but she never felt the way she did when she was with Negan. It was the kind of thing she dreamt about. Never had she had been as close with someone as she had been with Negan. It was sad, but she couldn’t help the way she felt.

Gradually, Negan laid in beside her with the weight shifting in the bed beside her. Unfortunately, all her mind could think about was how much she genuinely whole heartedly loved Negan, but still it lingered how wrong this relationship actually was.

“I look forward to moments like these,” Negan grunted from where he was on his side beside her. Sighing, she enjoyed the feeling of his rough fingertips caressing over the length of her back. “I always count the days when we can have our moments alone.”

After a few minutes, the sensation of Negan’s hand lowering to palm over her bottom made her let out a quivering breath. Biting down on her bottom lip, she damned herself for thinking the things that she was, but she couldn’t help it. Knowing that this had to be one of the last times she was with Negan really bothered her because she did love him so much.

Pulling herself up into a seated position, she threw her legs over the side of the bed and found herself frozen in the moment. Looking over her shoulder, she gazed over Negan’s long body watching his chest rising and falling over. She loved looking at Negan, she found comfort in having him near. Everything about him was perfect, but she was trying to be a better person. Grasping tightly to the edge of the bed, she cussed to herself before reaching for her shirt that was beside the bed.

“What are you doing? I have a few more hours today because Lucille is out. I thought we could cuddle for a few?” Negan sounded desperate, stretching out his long body, folding his arms behind his head. Instead of responding, she reached for her pants and began to pull them on. When she turned to look at him, he shot her a cocky smile and she felt her heart skip a beat looking at him. Falling in love with Negan was so easy. Looking at him reminded her of that all over again. “I have a few hours to spare today, so…”

“Negan, I think this is going to be the last time we do this,” she declared and Negan’s smile slowly faded. God, that probably sounded so unsure, but it was something she had to say. It had been haunting over the last few days and she knew it was something she would eventually have to say. Gradually, Negan lifted himself up on his elbows to stare out at her. His eyebrows furrowed and she was trying to find the strength inside herself to explain things to him. “We have to go back to the way things were before.”

“But I like the way things are now,” Negan countered with a confused expression. “You like it too. I know you do.”

“Of course I like it. More than I should,” she didn’t tell him that she loved him at this point, so she just left it at that. Telling him she loved him would have been a poor choice. Especially now. “After the other night at the restaurant, a lot of things have been telling me that what we’re doing is wrong. You were acting very strange the other night Negan. Not like the man that I knew.”

“Well, of course I was acting strange. We’re having an affair and then the two of us end up in the same restaurant with our spouses. Then they both decide that they want us to have a double date. It was fucking awkward,” Negan snorted making a very dramatic expression as he spoke.

“And I understand and I know things were weird. I was doing my best not to interact with you because it’s hard to hide how I feel about you,” she clarified and Negan’s expression softened. Folding her arms in front of her chest, she felt bad for doing this, but it just felt like it had to be done. “It felt like I didn’t even exist to you. At times I felt like you were purposefully kissing you wife a certain way to make me feel bad.”

“None of it was to make you feel bad, but like you…it’s kind of hard for me to hide my feelings and emotions around my wife,” Negan insisted knowing that she was upset with how things had gone down that night. When she avoided him at school, he knew that they would eventually have to talk, but he didn’t think she would want to end things. “I was probably overdoing things with Lucille because I was trying to make it obvious that I loved her and I wasn’t trying to draw attention to how I feel about you. When she made me sit next to you, I knew I was in fucking trouble.”

“It didn’t feel like that’s what you were doing,” she frowned while a sinking feeling filled her gut.

“I didn’t know how to respond to things Y/N. I’m not really used to that kind of thing. Lucille and I have these special dates where I’m supposed to pamper her, you know? And then the person I enjoy spending the most time with ends up showing up with her husband,” Negan stammered trying to reason with her knowing by the look on her face how upset she truly was. “My wife knows you’re my best friend, but fuck…I panicked. Okay? I’m sorry.”

“At the same time I feel like an awful fucking person because Lucille is your wife and I have no right to be troubled with how you are with your wife,” Y/N still seemed lost in herself as Negan stood from the bed and reached for his black boxer briefs to pull them up his long legs. “I just, we kept talking about how I wasn’t with Spencer and I just kind of assumed…”

“Spencer isn’t good for you, we both know that,” Negan pointed out and Y/N stayed silent knowing that she wasn’t exactly comfortable with telling Negan yet that she had asked Spencer for a divorce. Things wouldn’t change just because she put things in process to leave Spencer. “I know the things with Lucille are perplexing and I’m trying to still figure this out myself. I didn’t plan on having an affair with someone where they meant as much to me as you do.”

“Even so Negan, meeting Lucille made me realize that no matter how I feel about you…what we have been doing is wrong,” she confessed, hating to say that because all of it felt so right when she was with Negan. “I originally got into this affair with you because I thought we were both miserable in our marriages. The way you talked about Lucille around me made it seem like you were so upset with her.”

“I am upset with her,” Negan corrected her, his face filled with mixed emotions while he stood before her. “The more time I spend with her the more I begin to regret the decisions I made in my life. Giving up everything I loved and my biggest dreams to be with her when she didn’t do the same just feels not fair. Each day I think more and more about it.”

“Yet together, you guys seem perfect,” she recalled what they were like at the restaurant. “Here I am thinking you guys are this awful, horrible relationship and I can see that she genuinely loves you. And you obviously love her. After you gave up what you did, how could you not? You have a decent marriage, you’re not in the kind of marriage I thought you were. Also, Lucille is so fucking nice Negan. How could I keep doing this to a woman who wanted to protect me and keep me safe? She stood up for me more than most people have.” 

“Yeah, Lucille is very pro-woman,” Negan interrupted her, holding his hand up in the air as she continued to compliment his wife. “She would have done that for any woman in the situation you were in. That’s just Lucille.”

“Which tells me she is a good person,” Y/N responded finding it hard to look Negan in the eyes as she spoke. “I’m an awful person for letting this happen. The way she looks at you, she loves you Negan. Take it from someone in an awful relationship. I know what real love looks like and I know what it looks like when people are doomed in a relationship.”

“I wish we could go back to that day and never have it happen,” Negan stammered attempting to find the right things to say. He reached up to rub over the side of his neck and bit firmly at his bottom lip. “The only thing I can do is apologize for the way I was. I got scared and I overcompensated with Lucille. I acted indifferent toward you and I feel bad for it. I never wanted to make you feel dreadful, that’s the last thing I would ever want.”

“I want to say that the apology will fix things and I believe you feel the way you do, but still the guilt is eating away at me Negan,” she maintained that emotion she was feeling. “I still want to be your friend. I liked being your best friend and I think that’s the one way we can continue our relationship. Going back to the way things were. Just pretend that this stuff never happened with us.”

“I don’t want to pretend that this never happened with us,” Negan almost whined after her suggestion, hating that idea. His chest tightened and his jaw locked up because the very idea alone upset him. “I can’t…I can’t go back to the way things were before.”

Hearing that hurt. There was no other option for Y/N at this point because if that was the case, she would have to go extreme. It was a last case scenario that she was thinking of for a while, one that she didn’t want to do, but if they couldn’t go back to the way things were before maybe she would have to be drastic so she could stop ruining the relationship between Negan and Lucille. 

“Then maybe I need to consider switching schools because I like you too much,” she thought out loud and Negan let out a nervous sound. Quickly he stepped forward and attempted to touch her, but she pulled away from him. That was not an option that he liked. At all. The way Negan breathed showed he was anxious as he stood before her.

“You love the school. This is your dream job Y/N,” Negan reminded her knowing that the school meant everything to her. With how quickly she moved up the chain of things, he didn’t want her giving that up. While he cared about her job, the idea of not having her near him actually scared the shit out of him. Appealing to her about the job he hoped would help her to stick around, but deep down he truthfully cared more so about how the idea of not having her around had him terrified. “You can’t leave.”

“I just feel like we are running out of options here,” Y/N hesitated to find the right thing to say and she shrugged her shoulders. Obviously, she wanted to be with Negan. She was happy when she was with him. She felt special around him. No one made her feel that way in her life. Everything about Negan appealed to her and she just wanted to be with him all the time. But continuing to have this affair would only hurt a good person and that was Lucille. “I just don’t like the way I’m feeling about things Negan. It’s…it’s not right.”

There was more she wanted to say, but the room started spin around her making her release an uncomfortable sound. Grasping the wall beside her, she let out a shuddering breath and felt an overwhelming amount of nausea. Trying to talk herself down from feeling ill, she knew it probably took longer than it should have. Negan took notice of what was going and he went to step forward to help her, but she held her hand up in the air to stop him.

“What’s wrong?” Negan tried to comfort her knowing that something had definitely changed in her. The color in her face shifted and she just went from looking sad to looking like she didn’t feel well. “Can I do something for you? You should sit.” 

“I’m fine, I’m just overwhelmed and stressed. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’m just a little nauseous at the moment. Everything is going to be okay,” she tried to assure him and Negan back stepped away from her when she straightened her posture. She was forcing feeling better on herself even though she still suppressing throwing up. That was the last thing she wanted to do in front of Negan. Things were awkward enough as it was. She didn’t need to get sick in front of him too. “I just, your wife being so nice makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong and I don’t think what we’ve been doing is right.”

“One night at a restaurant as opposed to my entire relationship with Lucille doesn’t show everything Y/N,” Negan brought in a rebuttal throwing his arms up in a frustrated shrug. “I know you think that one night might show how I am with my wife, but I was panicking and trying to show that I wasn’t having an affair with you. I’m trying to be a good person to the best of my abilities, but I can’t stop feeling the way I do about you.”

“Then I don’t know what to do Negan,” she claimed, frustrated with herself. They both made it clear they liked each other, but there was no out from all of it. “Do you have any ideas how we make this work then where I don’t feel like an awful fucking person?”

Negan’s jaw flexed, his eyes looking away from her. She watched his chest rising and falling heavily. There was no way they could do this and it would end up feeling right in the end. Moving for her bag, she attempted to leave, but heard Negan call out to her.

“Please sit for a minute,” Negan begged knowing that she was letting her guilt lead her in the direction of how she was feeling. Her eyes were full of remorse and he knew that she didn’t want to be leaving. Not like this. Giving her a pleading look led her to sigh and drop her bag before moving over toward the bed to take a seat on the edge of it. Pacing, Negan tried to figure out a way to say everything he had been thinking and feeling without throwing this all on her to make her feel uncomfortable. “We can’t go back to the way things were before and I can’t lose you all together.”

The way that Negan was moving showed that he was in a state of panic after what she said. His hands were shaking and he trembled when he pushed his fingers through his messy hair to slick it back. When his eyes connected with hers, they were both. He wanted to be the one to talk right now and she was giving him that. It was obvious he was having a hard time putting words together while he shifted before her.

“I’m going to apologize beforehand because I know I’m not good at this shit, okay? Before you showed up to work at that school, I was fucking miserable,” Negan recalled what it was like with life before Y/N. “I hated my life. I hated my job and I just hated myself in general. I wanted to escape. I was so angry, sad and depressed. Any negative thought someone could have about themselves, I know I had it. I was drowning in my own sorrows to the point where I just thought to myself, I could die and I wouldn’t even care. It was like that for so long…until you came along.”

Gripping tightly at the edge of the bed, Y/N kept her eyes hooked on Negan. Her heart skipped a beat hearing his confession to her, but she stayed quiet for him. The way his eyes shifted showed her that he was deep in thought thinking of what to say next, but it was plainly making him emotional the more he thought about the past. After a moment, he threw his hands up and let out a tremoring breath.

“You were this sweet, exciting girl and I couldn’t get enough of being around you. For the first time in so very long I found someone that I could be comfortable with. Someone that I was enthusiastic to share things with. Someone that I knew I could be myself entirely with and I knew that you accepted me. You liked me for me and your positivity wore off on me. I went from being this guy that wanted to be dead to becoming a man that looked forward to every single day,” Negan professed, his voice getting raspier with each word that he said. “No one could pull me out of my depression, but you came into my life and you didn’t even know what was happening with me. You pulled me out when no one else could.”

“Negan,” she felt tears burning at her eyes knowing that she was getting emotional with how worked up he was getting while he opened up to her on some of his most personal thoughts.

“Just wait, okay?” Negan requested knowing that if he didn’t get through what he had to say, he may not be able to get it all out. “I’ve met a lot of people in my life Y/N. A lot of people have come in and out of my life. I made a lot of mistakes, things that I will never forgive myself for, but one thing I have never and I will never regret is you. You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”

“I’m not that great,” she lowered her eyes from his and Negan let out a disappointed exhale as he moved across the room. Lowering down to his knees, Negan reached out to cup her face in his hands to get her to look at him. “Good people don’t do what I did.”

“Sometimes we do things that aren’t what society would consider to be good when we care about someone,” Negan reasoned with her seeing that she was crying over everything. “You are the best person I’ve ever known. You make me whole. You brought me back to the real-world Y/N and if you were to even leave…I’d rather be dead because I don’t want to live my life like a fucking zombie every day again. I only know what happiness is because of you and I believe that you feel the same way about me too.”

“You know you are everything to me,” she acknowledged, leaning into his touch while he pulled her carefully in closer to him so he could kiss her in a languid motion. It was passionate and took her breath away by the time they separated.

“I know the other night made things complicated and I understand how you are feeling, but no one has ever made me feel the way that you do,” Negan whispered, his eyes hooked on hers while he spoke, “No one.”

“I feel the same way about you Negan,” she felt her bottom lip trembling and the warmth of Negan’s breath against her lips caused her to shake. Negan’s hands grabbed a soft hold of hers before giving them a firm squeeze. “Which is why this whole thing has been so very hard.”

“You take my breath away Y/N,” he breathed out, lifting her hands to his lips to press a gentle kiss over the back of one of them. “I’ve never felt more myself with someone than I do when I’m with you. I count the minutes until we get to be together. Every morning I wake up and the first thing I think about is getting to see your face. I can’t pretend that I don’t feel the way I do. You have changed my life and you have changed me to the point of I know I can’t make it in this world without you. You’re everything to me.”

“Negan,” she felt her heart hammering in her chest as she brushed her fingers through his hair. There were tears in Negan’s eyes which made her cry harder when he said what he did. Reaching out, she pulled him into another kiss and Negan eagerly kissed her repeatedly.

“I know that things are puzzling right now, but please…” Negan muttered against her lips before lowering his head to rest it against the center of her chest. “We’ll figure out how to make this work with our spouses and us…”

Why did she have to love Negan so much? Having him say those things and the way he was close to her only made her love him more. Giving up Negan would be pretty much out of the question. He said all the right things and won her over with how he made her feel.

Stroking her fingers through Negan’s dark hair, she closed her eyes and held him close. Everything felt right with Negan. Never in her life had she ever felt like this with anyone else. Work was the thing she thought she was the most passionate about but being with Negan proved to her that was wrong. Was this what true love really felt like? It was an emotion she had never even scratched the surface of before.

While she wanted to tell him that she was getting divorced from Spencer, now didn’t feel like the right time. She wanted all of the paperwork to go through so she knew for sure that she could tell Negan that she was ready to be with him and only him. That way he knew that things were legit. Telling him now might be rushing things and she didn’t want to give Negan more complications in his life at this point. She was trying to figure out how to start her life alone without Spencer, but she knew one thing for sure. She couldn’t let go of Negan. Not now.

“Please don’t leave me,” Negan begged, his words vibrating against her chest. Pulling himself up, he crawled in over her forcing her back against the bed. Exhaling heavily when Negan wrapped his arms tightly around her, she knew that this was the place she wanted to be for the rest of her life. In his arms. “I don’t think I could make it without you. My life is better and brighter because you’re in it. Losing the light that guided me out of the darkness would ruin me.”

“Okay,” she breathed, pressing a kiss against his temple while he held to her tightly. While she knew that she liked Lucille, she couldn’t deny that the love she had for Negan was just too strong and his confession blew her away making her love him all the more. “I won’t go anywhere. I promise.”

* * *

  
Adjusting the things on her desk after she had just finished with school, Y/N felt a strong sense of anticipation. It had been about a month since she had asked Spencer for a divorce and things had finally started to come together for her. She had found herself an apartment and settling into a life where she was able to stand on her own two feet without having to worry about Spencer felt incredible.

There were still some things she was trying to work on with Negan in their relationship. Especially since she hadn’t told him yet that she had already filed for a divorce with Spencer. School was coming to an end and would be over for them soon. She was just trying to find the right way to tell Negan that she was done with Spencer and ready to start a new life with Negan. That wasn’t the kind of thing you could just throw on someone so she wanted to have the right moment to do it.

It just felt so much better getting to be away from Spencer. That in itself was the best part for her. For so long she had felt stuck in her relationship with Spencer. Finally getting away when she thought she never would, that made the world that much better for her. The finishing touches were being put on the papers. It took a while to finalize because Spencer had originally tried to fix things, but when Y/N made it clear she had no interest in rekindling things Spencer finally had to let go.

While that was still very prevalent in her mind, there were other things that were important about today. It was an exceedingly special occasion. Today was Negan’s birthday. When she had first started being friends with Negan, he told her he often had horrible luck on his birthdays. He’d always mention how sad they would make them. With all of his family gone, it just always seemed like he was rather bummed on his birthdays. Because of that, she had been trying to go out of her way to make the day special for Negan. There were some very exciting things that she had planned for him that she had worked very hard on. With how much she knew she loved Negan, she wanted to make sure that he finally had a great birthday.

A knock was heard making her heart skip a beat inside of her chest. An anxious feeling flooded her body because she was nervous about making everything perfect for Negan. With how hard she had worked on the gifts for him, she wanted to make sure that everything was planned right. Hopefully he liked what she got ready for him. Especially since she was going to drop something pretty heavy on him at the end of it. Adjusting a few things, she looked over her shoulder to see that Negan was at the door as it pushed open. When his eyes connected with hers, Negan flashed her a big smile and moved further into her office. Closing the door behind him so they could have some privacy, Negan took his time heading over to one of the chairs that she had at the side of her office and sighed.

“This has been a long fucking day,” Negan admitted, stretching out his long legs. Clasping his hands together in his lap, he noticed that she seemed a bit edgy about things and he snorted. “What?”

“Nothing,” she lied and her right eyebrow perked up, amusing him with her expression.

“You look like a child that is hiding something,” Negan informed her, lifting his hand to wiggle it in the air. “What’s going on?”

“Just tell me about your day first?” she suggested and Negan shrugged his shoulders.

“Same old, same old,” Negan frowned knowing that she obviously wanted a little bit more than that answer, but it was a normal day of work for him. It was the end of the year and it was just very busy for every teacher. “I have two hours with you. Lucille gets out of work then, but we can spend some time together since it was so important for me to hurry to your office after class. What was so urgent that I had to hurry my ass over here?”

“Well…” she swallowed down hard, reaching for something that was on her desk behind her. When she turned back to him, there was a small box in her hands and Negan’s eyebrow perked up. Watching her as she stood up and moved for the light, he chuckled when he got the hint where this was going. As she flicked off the light, Negan buried his face in his hand and let out an amused laugh. Lifting his head, he could see that she had pulled a lighter from her pocket and had managed to open the top of the box she was holding. “Since it’s your birthday…”

“Oh boy,” Negan watched her light something that was in the box. She tossed the lighter on her desk and carefully pulled out the cupcake that she had gotten for him. During the day, Negan had wondered if she had forgotten his birthday since she really hadn’t interacted with him much, but now he realized that she just wanted to make it special and intimate between the two of them. Shifting in his seat as she lowered down on her knees before him, his eyebrows bounced and he found himself charmed with her. She began singing happy birthday to him and a large smile pressed in over his lips. Cherishing the moment, Negan felt his body tingling. The faces she made while she sang to him were ridiculously cute and she charmed him more than she would ever truly know. When she finished singing, he sat there for a moment and tilted his head to the side. Surveying her over, he rubbed his large hands together and let out a humming sound before clapping. “What do I wish for?”

“That’s for you to know and for me to never find out. When you tell your wish to someone, it doesn’t come true,” she reminded him and Negan snorted. She was very big on sticking to traditions, so instead of giving her a hard time he just chuckled and thought hard about it. Taking a moment, he finally found what he thought would be the best wish and decided on it. Leaning forward, he blew out the candle she had lit for him and heard her cheer when he did it. “You’re going to love this by the way. This is that cupcake we got when we were out of town on one of the games. The one you couldn’t get enough of. I special ordered it for your birthday for you. You might want to eat it before the other surprises.”

“You did what now?” Negan’s eyebrow perked up in interest when she cautiously handed him over the cupcake with a napkin so that way he could enjoy the cupcake he went wild over when they had gotten cupcakes together while away at a game.

“I remember when we were at the hotel, we got two cupcakes. You liked this one. You went and bought another one of them and by the time we were leaving to go home you had bought yourself half a dozen to take home,” she reminded him as he looked down at the cupcake that she knew was his favorite. “I wanted to give you a day full of favorites.”

“There is more than the cupcake?” Negan pondered and she shrugged her shoulders. Still she was trying to make things a secret and special for him which entertained him. Pulling back the wrapper at the bottom of the cupcake, Negan took a big bite of it and moaned when it touched his tongue. “I love these fucking things.”

“I know,” she was proud that he liked it as much as he did. In the mini fridge she had in her office, she actually had five more for him, but she didn’t want to give those to him until he was ready to leave. It took some work to get them the bakery to ship them to her for Negan’s special day, but she did what she could to make sure he got the cupcakes.

“You’re a saint,” Negan spoke with a mouthful of the cupcake making her smirk when some of the frosting was left in his short beard. Sliding in closer to him with her chair, she reached out to wipe it from his face with her thumb. Going to pull back, she was stopped when Negan grabbed her wrist with the hand that wasn’t holding onto his half-eaten cupcake. Bringing her hand up to his lips, he took her thumb into his mouth and sucked softly at the tip getting the remainder of the frosting from her finger. Teasing his tongue against her flesh, he took his time to pull her finger out of his mouth before humming. “So fucking good.”

“No kidding,” she licked at her lips and felt goosebumps up her arms from what he had done. Leave it to Negan to make something like that sexual. Negan gave her a wink and continued to eat most of it before holding out the last remaining bite to her. “No, I couldn’t. That’s for you.”

“Share with me,” he insisted, holding it out closer to her.

“It’s your birthday Negan, I got it for you,” she maintained and Negan shrugged his shoulders. Opening her mouth, she let him push it between her lips. It seemed like his eyes were locked on hers, eager to see her reaction to the cupcake. Nodding, she finished his last bite and could see that it amused him. After she was done, he yanked her in close to him so his lips could collide with hers. Kissing her over and over again, it let the sweetness of the cupcake that they had shared to linger over their lips. Brushing his tongue over hers caused her to purr and he found himself getting hot over all of this. Placing her hand over his chest, she attempted to put some distance between them and let out a nervous breath. “We’re not done yet.”

“There can’t be something better that,” Negan whined when she pulled herself from him and he watched her move to her desk to pick up a long box. Tilting his head to the side when she set it in his lap, he chuckled to himself and leaned forward. “I’m kind of just used to the cupcake and some silly little thing from you.”

“Well things are different now,” she informed him and watched him closely while he pulled open the box. The way his eyebrows furrowed when he saw what was inside made her let out an excited breath. “Turn it on.”

“What the hell Y/N?” Negan set the box down and reached inside to pull out the custom-made lightsaber that she got for him. Hitting the button, he heard the sound it made when it turned on and watched the bright blue color flood the room from it. “Holy shit.”

“You said blue,” she reminded him of the conversation they had together while they were talking about deep things in the hotel room together one of the first times they got to know each other. Negan stood from the seat he was in to playfully swing the lightsaber around her office. The amused sounds he made brought joy to her heart with the way he was responding to what she had gotten for him. “I don’t know if you had one like that before so it may be kind of lame.”

“Oh no sweetheart, I fucking love it,” Negan bounced while he continued to swing around the lightsaber knowing that he probably looked crazy, but it was something he genuinely really loved yet had to part ways with when he had to start a normal life with Lucille. The way he moved the lightsaber showed that he had watched the movies very carefully and had played with one in the past. “This...this is so cool.”

“That’s part one of the gifts,” she held her finger out for him to wait and he let out a shocked sound. She was pampering him and she knew it, but it was worth it in the end. Turning around, she grabbed the next box and held it out toward him. “Here is part two.”

“How many parts are there?” Negan turned off the lightsaber and very carefully set it back into the box she had given him.

“I can’t tell you that. It would ruin the surprises,” she teased and Negan rolled his eyes when he stepped forward to see the smaller box than the first that was in her hands. Dropping down in his seat after accepting it, he slowly pulled the top from the gift box to see that it was a replica of Han Solo’s gun. Reaching inside he could see that it was signed and he felt his heart hammering inside of his chest. “There are papers of authenticity with the autograph on it. I know you said you preferred Han Solo and…”

“This is amazing,” Negan stammered, putting the gift back in the box. There was a flustered expression over his face that she couldn’t quite read. After a moment, he got up from his chair and moved out to her. Curling his fingers underneath her chin, he urged it up so he could feverishly kiss her. He was impressed that after all their conversations she remembered what they had talked about when he brought up liking Star Wars to her. This was the first time in a long time that anyone had gotten gifts for him that actually meant something to him. No one put this kind of effort into getting something for him and he couldn’t believe that she actually did. It was an amazing surprise. “Now we’re going to have to get you a lightsaber so we can have a badass duel.”

“Oh, I already have one. I have a yellow one,” she informed him with a shrug of her shoulders and Negan snorted. There was a sense of shock that flooded through his features making her chuckle. “Hey, I’m not totally boring Negan. I think that stuff is extraordinarily cool too. And I will duel you anytime you want.”

“It sounds like a date to me,” Negan gave her a wink as he looked over at the lightsaber box that was still open. “Though I am pretty competitive and I’m pretty sure I could kick your ass.”

“Negan, the last time you were competitive with me I kicked your ass,” she thought back to the time they were together in the arcade and Negan’s cheeks flushed over with red. The way his dimples sucked in when she said that made her giggle and she threw her hands up. “I put up a good fight.”

“Well, I look forward to it,” Negan’s tongue dragged out over his bottom lip, “You are so fucking cool. Why couldn’t I find you sooner than I did? I feel like life would have been so much better with you in it.”

“And I feel the same way,” she gave him a wink and she hooked her fingers with his. The look Negan was giving her made it hard to read what he was thinking. There was definitely something on his mind, but he wasn’t saying it. “What’s going on in that mind of yours handsome?”

“I just hope that’s it,” Negan looked over at the two things she had already gotten him. “I really appreciate it, but I can’t imagine that those things were very cheap. They had to be rather expensive Y/N.”

“Price means nothing when it comes to your happiness,” she hushed him, reaching out to caress over the side of his neck and Negan let out a shuddering breath. To hear her say that really stunned him because price was always very important in his life. Money is kind of thing that always made things uncomfortable with him and Lucille. What was important to him was kind of always what he had to give up. So, expense was a big thing to him. “Sit down, there a few more things…”

“A few more,” Negan repeated her words and found himself blown away by that. After the two big things she had already given him, he didn’t know how she could pull out anything more. When Y/N nodded her head toward the chairs in a firm manner, he giggled. “Okay. Yes ma’am. I’m going to sit down.”

“Good boy,” she teased, sliding back closer to her desk. Curiosity flooded through Negan’s body and she could tell that he was excited to be getting gifts. It was sad that he didn’t have someone pampering him with gifts. Negan was so amazing and he deserved nothing, but the best. When Negan was comfortably sitting down, she could see that he was starting to get impatient and she found amusement in it. “Now close your eyes.”

It took a minute, but he obeyed as she slowly pulled open her drawer where she had hidden the biggest present of them all to keep it hidden from him.

“I’m just letting curiosity get the fucking best of me. Does this gift have to do with your mouth?” Negan seductively licked over his bottom lip and heard her laugh out. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“Maybe afterwards I can give you that gift,” she rolled her eyes, knowing that a gift like that would probably make him happy too. The simple things in life Negan seemed to enjoy too and that was something he definitely enjoyed, but this was more important than that. A dramatic frown pressed in over his features and she made an aw sound making him snort. “Don’t pout. You’re too cute to pout.”

“You think I’m adorable while I’m pouting. Don’t tell me I’m too cute to pout,” Negan growled in a playful tone. It was nice having a relationship where they could poke fun at each other, but still have fun. Often when he would play with Lucille, she didn’t realize it and would get upset. So, his relationship and bond with Y/N was very special.

Sliding her chair closer to Negan, she wondered if there was something special that she should say before handing this to him. This was the thing that she had spent so much time looking for. Undoubtedly, this was the item that she was the most nervous about because it was special. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she found herself breathless. She shouldn’t have been this worried about giving someone a gift, but she worked so hard to get it, she just wanted it to be perfect. When she originally got it, she wanted to give it to him right then and there, but she didn’t. It was hard waiting, but she knew she had to.

“Hold out your hand,” she breathed, her eyes surveying him closely.

“You really thought this out, huh?” Negan raised his hand and turned his palm up toward the ceiling. The warmth of Y/N pressed in closer to him and he found it hard to keep his eyes closed. Never had he been good with surprises, so he was just trying his best to hold it together for her. When the sensation of something cool pressed in over his palm, he immediately tried to imagine what it was. It was square shaped and quite hard. Trying to imagine it was harder than he thought. After she handed it to him, she squeezed over his knee and then he felt her moving away from him. “Can I guess what it is before I open my eyes?”

“If you want to,” she snorted knowing that he was being silly, but drawing it out if he wanted to was okay. 

“You preserved one of the first flowers I got you and kept it in a case?” Negan guessed hearing her chuckle. While she might have thought he was joking, that sounded like one of the special things that Y/N would have done. She cherished the little things in life and he could picture her carrying onto something like that. “Guess not?”

“Nope,” she tried to think of something to give him a hint, but there was nothing she could say that wouldn’t give it away. “It’s a little more special than that.” 

“It’s just a box?” Negan grumbled and he could hear that she was entertained with his guesses which was ultimately the plan. He wanted to bring some enjoyment to her as well. “It’s something else Star Wars related, right?”

“Just look. I’m the one that is getting impatient now,” she muttered making Negan laugh. It was obviously important to her and he could tell by the shuddering in her voice when she spoke. Slowly opening his eyes, they fell upon the item that was there and immediately he went breathless. He shifted in the seat he was in and his playful expression turned very serious. The color drained from his face and immediately tears started to develop at the corner of his eyes. “I forgot to pull these out…”

Knowing that she didn’t want to miss the experience of him seeing the gift, she moved quickly and grabbed the documents she got with the gift. Handing it over to Negan, she saw his free hand shakily reach out to grab it. When he pulled it close to look at it, she could see the first single tear slide down his face followed by another. Soon he was crying and he was crying hard. This wasn’t exactly what she wanted to happen. Part of her wanted to hug him, but she didn’t know if that would be the right response. Negan set the papers down on the chair beside him and he brought her gift closer so he could survey it over. It was the baseball that he had told her about. When she had asked him what his most prized possession was, he told her where he sold it and why he sold it. It was the most important thing to him that he had given up in order to pay for his life with Lucille.

“I don’t…I don’t understand,” Negan whimpered when he realized just exactly what he was holding in his hand. “How did you get this?”

“Well, you told me enough information about who you sold it to. The other night with Spencer talking about you, I realized you were really popular. So, there was a lot of information that I found on the internet. I was able to find who your minor league coach was. After some digging, I was able to get in contact with him. I talked to him about the ball and why it held the value it did for you. I guess you just kind of bragged about the ball, never really said why it was so special,” Y/N began recalling all the details of how she got the ball. With Negan being so emotional, she reached out to caress over his thighs in a comforting squeeze. “When you told me that it was your most prized possession in life, I knew that you needed to have it. If I had to sell my mother’s locket, I would have been crushed. I could only imagine how much it upset you to lose it. Having to give up your career, your baseball and all of your Star Wars things just didn’t seem fair. I just thought after everything you’ve been through; you deserve a little happiness in your life Negan. You shouldn’t have had to give up everything you loved in life.”

“You somehow talked him into giving you the ball back?” Negan inquired reaching up to wipe at his eyes with the back of his hand. He felt pathetic to be crying like he was, but he couldn’t help it. For so long he regretted giving up the ball. When he gave up everything for Lucille, he understood the job, but giving up this ball was the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life. It meant so much to him, so the fact he was holding it in his hands again meant everything to him.

“Well, I convinced him to sell it back to me for what he bought it for,” Y/N explained thinking back to the moment she had a conversation with Negan’s old coach. It was hard to get him to agree to giving it back in the first place, but her words apparently touched him and he only agreed to that deal. “Apparently, it was highly underselling it for it’s worth…”

“But that was a lot of fucking money Y/N,” Negan insisted with a shake of his head finding it hard to believe that she had bought this baseball back for him. “At the time I knew I was underselling the ball, but I needed money and I needed it fast. Still, it was a lot of money my coach gave me. It was enough for us to settle into a home. Even if it’s a shithole…”

“When my mom died, she left me some money. Spencer’s family is pretty well off and when I got with Spencer they insisted on giving us one of their homes to live in,” Y/N explained with a shrug of her shoulders knowing that she had the money and it just felt like the right thing to do if she could do it. “The money has kind of just been sitting there and this was the one thing I knew I had to get with that money.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have done that,” Negan lowered the ball, his emotional glance meeting hers while she stared out at him. “I’m not worth it. I don’t deserve this. Not at all.”

“Of course you do,” she hushed him, sliding her hand up toward his thighs before sliding them back to his knees again. It was crushing her that he thought he didn’t deserve something like this. “You deserve to be happy Negan. I have the money and sometimes it doesn’t hurt to spend some money in order to make yourself smile. Knowing how much that baseball means to you, I feel like it was money well spent.”

“I don’t even know what to say. This really means…so much to me,” Negan’s voice stammered and his body was shaking. Reaching for the ball again, he looked it over and remembered the very moment that he had gotten it with his father. It had become somewhat of a dream for him since he never thought he would see it again. After losing his father, it was the one thing he thought of the most and regretted giving away. “I don’t…I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything Negan,” she hushed him, leaning forward to brush her fingers through his hair in a comforting sweep. “I just want you happy and if this brings some kind of happiness into your life, then it was worth it.”

Setting the glass case that was holding the baseball inside on the seat beside him, Negan reached out to softly grasp at the sides of Y/N’s face. Pulling her to him, Negan’s lips meshed over hers in a desperate movement. Over and over again he kissed her, eager to have her close to him. When he pulled away, he was breathless. Resting his forehead against hers, he took a minute before finally saying the thing that had been lingering for so long.

“I love you,” Negan blurt out while he still felt his body shuddering from his emotions getting the best of him. The look Y/N gave him almost was shocked when she pulled somewhat away to look him over. Shrugging his shoulders, Negan took in a long shallow breath and thought it out before speaking again. “I love you so much. I know it’s wrong and I know that it makes things complicated between us, but I am so fucking in love with you.”

“I love you too,” she claimed, her eyes hooked on his as she began to cry. For so long she had been in love with Negan. Repeatedly she had tried to tell him, but she had been scared. Never did she think that she would actually get to hear those words from his mouth. She just kept her mouth shut when it came to love because she didn’t think he felt the same. Telling him she loved him she figured would make him run away from her but hearing him say those words made her swoon. Hearing him saying it first was one of the most amazing things that she could picture. Pressing forward, her lips collided with his and she released a happy sound while she kissed him. The taste of their tears lingered at their lips and she found her heart full of love for one man. “I’ve been in love with you for so long. I was just so scared to actually say it out loud. You are everything to me.”

“No one has ever done anything for me like you have today,” Negan informed her with a saddened breath, taking another glance over at the baseball that was on the seat. “I feel like I don’t deserve that gift and I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve that ball Negan. You should have never had to give it up in the first place,” she reasoned with him, tugging firmly at his dark hair knowing that she loved being close to him. Seeing him crying hurt, but considering it was from happiness, she knew it would be okay. “You’ve sacrificed enough. With me…I feel like I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.”

Standing up from where he was seated, Negan reached for Y/N and pulled her up to her feet. Walking her back toward her desk, he picked her up and set her on top of it. Pushing the papers aside, he curled his fingers underneath her thighs to pull her closer to the edge of the desk. Desperately she clung to Negan’s shoulders when his lips descended over hers, taking his time to kiss her over a long period of time.

“You deserve more than me,” Negan breathed against her lips, “I just can’t help loving you.”

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say those words,” Y/N whispered, taking a moment to breathe when she rest her head against Negan’s. The warmth of Negan’s palms cupped her face and she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest. There were still tears over her face out of pure joy that he finally said it. “I never thought you’d say that you love me.”

“I do though,” Negan assured her, his eyebrows tensing together and he slid his hands down her shoulders toward her arms. “No one sees all of me and loves me, but you do. In my life I’ve never had someone do something like this for me. I’m always the one making grand gestures. Your gifts were well thought out and sweet. I just…I love you.”

“I love you too,” she repeated and a happy smile pressed in over Negan’s lips. “I don’t think I knew what love was until you came into my life Negan. I kind of just went through life accepting what I had. I figured the day I accepted Spencer into my life as a kid, that’s what I deserved. I never thought I deserved better than Spencer. Then you came into my life and I realized what it was like to finally have someone I liked being with. Someone that I wanted to be happy with. No one makes me feel the way you do and I love you…so much. You have changed my life so much and I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life at this point. I’m so glad that I came to this school because you mean everything to me.”

“You’re so sweet,” Negan hummed, pulling her in against his chest so he could hold her in his arms tightly. Stroking his fingers through her hair, he pressed a loving kiss against her temple and sighed heavily. “I kind of wish at this point I got to spend the rest of my night with you. Lucille has plans to take me out to some steakhouse and she’s very excited about it. I just…I’d rather the two of us go to our motel room. You could grab your lightsaber and we could just…have fun.”

“It does sound fun,” she chuckled, lowering her head to deposit soft kisses against the side of his neck. The sound of Negan shuddering filled the room and she slid her palms in over his broad chest. “There is one more thing I kind of need to talk to you about…well, maybe give you.”

“Yeah?” Negan’s palms caressed over her sides and she could feel him peppering kisses over her neck. “What is it?”

“God, this is the hardest thing,” she pulled back enough to stare into his beautiful hazel eyes. “I know you just told me you loved me and this definitely complicates things, but I think it’s best to tell you…”

Negan took notice of the way that she was shaking and he hushed her. Trying to calm her, he pressed loving kisses over her face and she closed her eyes tightly. With Negan’s thumb brushing over her jaw, she found herself lost in the moment.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…” she felt her bottom lip trembling the more she thought about it and Negan’s eyebrows bounced up in curiosity. When she was about to continue, the sound of Negan’s cell phone went off and she let out a shuddering breath. Watching Negan pull away from her made her heart sink when he answered the phone. By the way he was talking, she could tell that it was Lucille on the other end. A sense of sadness overtook her because she was pretty worried in the first place about opening up to him about things. When he hung up, he looked back at her with a frown.

“Lucille got out of work early and she’s headed over here,” Negan informed her and she let out a disappoint sigh. Of course Lucille got out early. It was an important thing she was getting ready to tell him. “What was it you wanted to tell me?”

“Uhm…” she thought about what she was going to say before shaking her head. Now wasn’t the time. “In the mini fridge I have five more of those cupcakes for you. I knew you liked them and I thought you would enjoy that.”

“That’s the hardest thing to talk to me about?” Negan’s nose wrinkled and she shrugged her shoulders. He was probably smarter than that and knew that she wasn’t telling him the truth, but that was the best she could do right now. Now wasn’t the time for this discussion. “Well we’re going to have to grab those and take those with me because you can’t waste gold like that. We should probably get all of these things to the car before she gets here. Grab your stuff and would you mind helping me carry this all out?”

“Of course not,” Y/N helped Negan gather his things, finding herself disappointed that their moment was shut down so quickly, but she understood that Negan had a wife and they couldn’t just keep lingering in their moment. Once they had everything, they headed out toward Negan’s mustang to put everything in the backseat of his car. Going to head to her own car to put her things in, she felt Negan grabbing a hold of her and he pulled her to him. “What’s up?”

“Thank you for making this the best birthday I’ve ever had,” Negan whispered, his eyes locked on hers. His hands squeezed over her shoulders and he rubbed them in a tender caress. Disappointment flooded her face and he knew that she wanted to be with him longer than this, but Lucille kind of ruined that for them. There was so much to still say and do, but Negan knew they didn’t have the time. “You have no idea how happy you’ve made me today. No one has ever thought of me the way that you have.”

Even though they were out in the open, Negan leaned down to collect her lips in a kiss. The kiss was short, but passionate and when he pulled back, he felt his heart pounding inside of his chest. Realizing he left his things in his office, Negan cussed to himself and released Y/N, “I left my bag in my office. I’ll be right back. Don’t leave yet, okay? Just watch the stuff and I will be right back.”

“You got it,” she gave him a wink watching him run back into the building. Going to put her things in the car, she took her time. When her things were away, she headed back toward Negan’s car. After a few minutes she heard the sound of someone calling out to her and she looked over her shoulder to see Lucille walking toward her. A nervous exhale fell from Y/N’s throat and she started to panic seeing Negan’s wife.

“Hey you! I just called Negan and he told me I would find you back here,” Lucille moved in before Y/N and reached out to hug her when she got close enough. Trying to hide the discomfort she had for this, Y/N did her best to keep her feelings and emotions for Negan locked up in order to talk to someone who was actually quite nice. “I wanted to see how you were doing after the night I saw you last. That was a hard night.”

“I’m fine. Things are getting better,” Y/N was vague since she didn’t even tell Negan that she was getting divorced yet.

“Good! Good, I’m glad,” Lucille squeezed over Y/N’s shoulder and gave Y/N a bright smile. “I was thinking…the two of us should be friends. I think while my husband is your best friend it would probably be good for the two of us if we could talk. I need some friends and I think it would be good for you to have a woman to talk to sometimes.”

“That’s…that’s very kind of you,” Y/N swallowed down hard staring out at Negan’s beautiful wife. It was hard to hate her and there was no way that Y/N really could. It was obvious that Lucille had a good heart. In another life she would have loved to be friends with Lucille. Instead, Y/N was head over heels in love with Negan and knew that having any kind of friendship with Lucille would be out of the question. “Thank you.”

“Here, let me give you my number,” Lucille reached for something from her purse and started writing down a number before handing it over to Y/N. Accepting the card that Lucille had written on, Y/N put it in her pocket. Would she even do something with the card once Lucille left? It would feel strange having Negan’s wife as one of her contacts in her phone. “Sometimes women understand better than men, right? I just thought it would be nice to get to know the person that my husband calls his best friend.”

“That sounds very nice Lucille,” Y/N muttered, her eyes still locked on Lucille’s. Getting to know Lucille and actually see how kind she was bothered Y/N. Part of her still wanted to pretend that Lucille was the person that Negan made Y/N believe she was at the beginning. Though, she knew that Lucille wasn’t person at all. Each minute she spent with Lucille crushed Y/N on the inside. Knowing that Negan was married to a good person just made this so much harder. “How have you been doing?”

“Uhm,” Lucille looked down and away from Y/N making Y/N let out a tense breath. Well that didn’t seem good. “I uh, I got some news today that was kind of…well, it wasn’t good. But today is about Negan’s birthday so I’m trying to be positive for him, you know?”

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” Y/N reached out to supportively grasp at Lucille’s shoulder and she could see that there was something different about Lucille compared to the last time she had seen Lucille. Asking Lucille what was wrong just felt improper and rude. What Y/N was doing with Negan wasn’t right and pretending to be Lucille’s friend would make things even worse. Yet, the expression on Lucille’s face made Y/N worry and she genuinely did care to know if Lucille was okay. “Are you alright?”

“I will be,” Lucille answered, biting at her bottom lip. There was a silence between them and Lucille shrugged her shoulders. That sounded very unsure and vague, but Y/N didn’t want to pry. “At least I think I will be. Oh well.”

“Well, I’m not sure what’s going on…” Y/N took in a long breath assuming that Lucille didn’t know about Y/N’s affair with Negan. If she did, Y/N was sure that Lucille would have not been so eager to start a friendship with Y/N. With the strong personality Lucille had, if she found out that Negan was having an affair, Y/N assumed there would be hell to pay. Still, Y/N could tell that something was wrong. “But if you need anything, I’ll do my best to help.”

“That’s very nice of you, but I’m not really sure there is anything that anyone could do for me,” Lucille’s eyebrow arched and there was a shuddering to the way she said that sentence. Sure, there was a curiosity for Y/N to keep poking to find out what was wrong, but she wouldn’t want someone do to that to her, so she just let it go. If Lucille wanted to say something, she would. “This is supposed to be a good day though and I’m excited for tonight. We’re going to Negan’s favorite place to eat for his birthday. So, that should be nice.”

“I heard you were going to a steakhouse. I think Negan was very…excited,” Y/N tried to pep up Lucille after Lucille seemed down. That seemed to pick Lucille up a bit and Y/N was thankful for that. Sadly, it was Friday and the weekend was coming up. Which meant Negan was Lucille’s for the weekend. Jealousy lingered in Y/N’s mind, but she was trying to be polite. Y/N would have loved to have had a weekend with Negan for his birthday. Lucille was very lucky to be with Negan. That was one thing that kept recycling in Y/N’s mind. Lucille still wanted to talk and Y/N searched her mind to think of something to keep the conversation going. “Did you get him anything special?”

“I did,” Lucille made sure they were alone before pulling out a box. Handing it over to Y/N, Lucille watched excitedly as Y/N pulled the lid off of the box and looked down at the beaded necklace that was inside. “I heard that the beads are supposed to have a positive, healing nature to them. I thought it would look good on Negan.”

“Well that’s cool. It’s definitely going to look good on him,” Y/N looked them it and offered up a bright smile in return. Handing back the box after she closed it, she watched Lucille push it back into her purse and Y/N sighed. “I hope you guys have a great time tonight.”

“Thank you. Anything special planned with you?” Lucille seemed to genuinely care, but the sound of the door pushing open was heard and they looked back to see Negan returning to the car. When Negan approached the car, Lucille was eager to kiss and hug him. There was that jealousy again and Y/N was doing her best to avoid it. “Happy birthday baby.”

“Thanks dear,” Negan winked, clutching tightly to his bag. Stepping back, Y/N put a distance between her and the couple knowing that when they were all together feelings and emotions just kind of went everywhere. “We should get going, right?”

“Sure thing. It was nice seeing you Y/N. Please don’t be afraid to call me or text me or whatever,” Lucille waved her hand in the air and Y/N grinned. Negan’s hand settled in over the small of Lucille’s back and Y/N could tell that Negan seemed desperate to get Lucille to leave. “I parked in the front so I will just meet you at home Negan so we can go together to the restaurant. Okay?”

“Sounds good,” Negan agreed watching Lucille walking away from them for a moment. When there was a good amount of distance between them and Lucille, Negan looked over his shoulder and his eyes connected with Y/N’s. Sadness resonated in his beautiful hazel eyes and Y/N was taken aback. “I’m sorry, she just wanted to talk to you and took advantage of the moment.”

“It’s okay,” Y/N watched Negan putting his things into his car. Reaching for the item that was in her pocket, she grabbed the corner of it and started to pull it from her pocket. “Listen, there is something that I think you should…”

“Before you say anything else,” Negan interrupted her and it stopped her from pulling it out, “I just want to let you know how thankful I am for you. I just want to keep crying, you know? I love you so much. I feel like a total fucking baby because it’s taking everything inside of me not to cry like one.”

“Negan,” she frowned, reaching out to grab his hand to give it a firm squeeze. They couldn’t exactly show the love and affection they had for each other because Lucille wasn’t far off in the distance. “I love you too.”

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Negan gave her a wink and Y/N nodded, a loud sigh falling from her throat. Negan got in the car and turned on the car. Sitting there for a moment, Negan thought about everything and offered up a small smile. “I don’t know where I would be without you Y/N.”

* * *

“I think dinner was good, what about you?” Lucille spoke to Negan from across the table and Negan shrugged his shoulders. It seemed like Negan was lost inside himself for most of the meal. He was quiet and for Negan that wasn’t normal. “You okay?”

Negan’s eyes lifted to Lucille’s. After everything today, all Negan could think about was Y/N. In the past, Negan had affairs. It was always bad and he knew that, but never had he been with someone he felt as strongly for as he did Y/N. When he first got with Y/N, he only thought it would be something where the two of them would get together to help each other feel better when they were down, but it became so much more.

It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t something that he ever thought would actually happen between the two of them, but it did. For so long, he tried to tell himself that it was just a fling. Something where the two of them would sleep together, but nothing more would come from it. No one ever made him second guess being with Lucille, but Y/N did. After all he had done to be with Lucille, the idea of loving another woman just wasn’t in the playing cards for him. Now that he had finally told Y/N that he loved her, it really stirred things inside of his heart and head. The way he felt around Y/N was better than he had ever felt toward anyone.

When he first started the affair with Y/N, he wasn’t really thinking about the emotional consequence of things. They were friends and they were very clearly attracted to one another. Being together all the time made it just seem like it was an okay thing but falling in love with her was something he had tried to avoid happening. It was hard not to love her with how she was with him though. 

“I guess now is a good time to give you this,” Lucille broke the silence, reaching for something from her bag. She slid the box that she had out toward Negan and watched his eyes look it over. “I was going to wait until we got home to give it to you, but I thought now would be a good time. Maybe it will put a smile on your face.”

“Thank you sweetheart,” Negan muttered, pulling the box open to look at the necklace that Lucille had gotten for him. Grinning, he lifted his eyes to see that Lucille was extremely excited for him to see it. In terms of gifts, this was rather strange for Negan, but Lucille was proud of it. Feigning a smile, he watched Lucille’s happiness grow before he looked back down at her present again. “Wow, this is…this is pretty cool.”

Picking it up in his fingers, Negan looked over the necklace and felt a lump developing in his throat. All he could do was compare her gift to Y/N’s. Lucille’s gift failed in comparison. Y/N had really gotten him things so entirely personal and Lucille gave him a random necklace. 

“You should put it on. It’s supposed to have a positive, healing nature to it,” Lucille informed him and Negan’s thick eyebrows bounced up. He looked down at the necklace and sighed. It really wasn’t like him to wear things like this, but pushing that aside, he unhooked it to wrap it around his neck so he could hook it on. “It looks great on you.”

“Awesome,” Negan watched her pull out her cell phone to take a picture of the gift she had bought for him. Negan smiled for the picture and he could hear the proud sound she made. It was wrong for him to compare the gifts Y/N got him. Negan knew that him and Lucille didn’t have much to spend, so Lucille could have never gone out of her way like Y/N did. The necklace just didn’t feel personal at all. It was something that Lucille liked and for that he would cherish it, he just was having a hard time finding it as special as the gifts Y/N gave him. “Thank you so much baby, I love it.”

“You’re welcome honey,” she leaned across the table to meet Negan in a quick kiss and her eyes were hooked on his. She reached out across the table to squeeze his hands in hers. “Did you get anything else today?”

“Yeah, Y/N got me a few things. She special ordered these cupcakes for me that we had tried during one of our away games. You’ll really like them,” Negan thought about what he was going to tell her and he tilted his head to the side, stretching out his neck. While he knew he should have been honest about things, he knew it was best to keep it hidden from Lucille what he had actually gotten. If she knew about the ball, Negan wasn’t sure that she would be mad at him or not. “And just a few Star Wars things for me.”

“Star Wars?” Lucille repeated, wrinkling her nose and Negan knew that it meant she clearly thought it was a silly gift. “You got over that stuff when you were a kid. I guess that’s sweet though.”

“Yeah,” Negan swallowed down hard and he shifted in his seat before clearing his throat. Thinking about the things that Y/N had told him in the past, Negan knew he shouldn’t keep hiding the man he was. There was no reason he had to pretend that he didn’t like Star Wars anymore. “Lucille, I really like Star Wars still. I know it’s geeky and I know it’s stupid, but I never stopped liking it. I know you talked about how silly it was to keep that memorabilia when we were younger so I never told you that I still loved the movies, but I do.”

“Negan, why would you hide something like that?” she seemed flustered with his outburst and Negan threw his hands up in the air. “You didn’t have to hide that from me.”

“It just felt like maybe you thought it was stupid,” Negan retorted with a grunt.

“It’s not stupid if you love it,” she reminded him, her brows furrowing while she took in the information that he just gave her. “That’s very nice that she got those for you then. I thought she was going for a nostalgia thing, but it makes sense that your best friend would know you better than I did. I wouldn’t have found you to be geeky though for still liking something. It just wasn’t my thing at the time. I’m sorry if that upset you.”

“It’s fine, I just thought I should be more honest…” Negan let that last word linger and he shifted in his seat across from her.

“I’ve been thinking about things a lot Negan and I think this needs to be said,” Lucille licked at her lips, bringing Negan’s hand up to her mouth to press a kiss over the back of it. “I should have been thinking about things a very long time ago, but lately it’s just been very…well, obvious for me. I should have never made you leave baseball in order to make me happy Negan. You were happy and you were getting to live your dreams. I was too young and stupid to understand that. After talking about it at that dinner we had with Y/N and Spencer, I just realized how wrong it actually was to expect that from you. I know there is nothing I can do to fix it Negan, but I love you and I wish I would have never forced you to do that.”

“Hey,” Negan felt a sense of guilt flooding over him when Lucille said that. He felt her hand squeezing tightly to his. That was one of the biggest things he held against Lucille and hearing her mention it just made things feel strange after everything he had been through with Y/N tonight. “Don’t worry about it Lucille. I’m just…happy we had a life together.”

“I’m glad to hear that, it’s just…” Lucille attempted to continue, but Negan hushed her and pushed up enough forward to meet her lips in a sweet, delicate kiss that took her breath away when he did it. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Negan winked when he pulled far enough back to look her over. 

Negan knew that today was going to be hard for him. Lucille apologized, but at the same time he realized that he was head over heels in love with Y/N too. What was he going to do? This was a serious situation and one that was going to change things for him forever. No matter what decision he made about things, his life was starting to get very complicated with the way he felt about everything.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Negan admitted to Y/N that he loved her, she asks him to make a decision that Negan isn't ready to give which leads them both on a path that neither one of them expected to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm going to remind people that this was a challenge I was given. This is a very emotional chapter, I'm just going to put that out there. Check out the notes at the end so I can actually talk about the chapter once it has been read. It's likely that this might have some grammar issues too since I've been up all night editing it.

A curious breath fell from Negan’s lips when he pulled into a spot at a park. It was in the middle of the town that Y/N and Negan had been meeting at the motel in. After he got home from his birthday dinner with Lucille, Negan spent some time with Lucille watching a movie on the couch. Lucille seemed pretty exhausted, so Negan was okay with her falling asleep during their film. Late into the night he had gotten a text message from Y/N telling him that she needed to talk to him and it was an emergency. When Lucille asked him where he was going, he was honest. Y/N told him she needed to talk and it was an emergency. Lucille figured it was something important that may have happened with Spencer, so she allowed Negan to go. While it was awkward that Lucille seemed to like Y/N, Negan also felt like it was a blessing. Instead of thinking he was having an affair with Y/N, Lucille just assumed they were best friends and that was it.

Once he was parked, Negan pulled out his cell phone and looked at the text messages. Negan didn’t see Y/N’s car in the parking lot which was where he assumed he would find her. After looking around, he sent her a text asking her where she was. He surveyed the dark playground that was before him and shrugged his shoulders. It was rather strange that was Y/N was so insistent upon meeting like this, but he didn’t exactly question it. They had met in strange situations before. When his phone buzzed, he saw that she said she parked on the street and was sitting on the jungle gym that was in the center of the park. The response made him chuckle. Originally, he thought maybe they would just meet in the parking lot and they would hop into the backseat of his car often like they had done before. So, this was definitely new.

Getting out of his car, Negan moved through the empty park and felt a chill fill the air. There was supposed to be a thunderstorm later. Hopefully, they got in what they needed to before it started raining. Once he reached a certain part of the park, the lights started turning on showing that they were motion sensor lights. An amused laugh fell from Negan’s throat when he saw Y/N sitting on one of the dome climbers in the middle of the playground. Obviously, she had been sitting in the dark waiting for him and he tilted his head to the side.

“What is this?” Negan looked to his watch to see what time it was. It was still his birthday for another hour or so and he saw her climbing down when he approached her. “You know, I knew you were a kinky little thing, but meeting me in the middle of the park at night to have sex is kind of extreme for you.”

There was a part of him that hoped they would get a little steamy together. It was his birthday after all and he hadn’t had sex today. At the end of work, he thought they might have had a special moment together, but then Lucille had called and ended that rather quickly.

When Negan approached Y/N, his hands grasped at her shoulders and his head lowered so his lips could hammer in over hers. The kiss was forceful and knocked her off guard at first. When her arms hooked around Negan’s shoulders, he assumed that this was indeed a sexual encounter that she was looking for. Reaching for the bottom of Y/N’s shirt, he played with the material. Teasing it up her sides, he felt he reach down to stop him from continuing and he let out a disappointed sound.

“You promised me something good with your mouth earlier,” Negan teased her, giving her a wink while he reached for her hands and hooked his fingers with hers. There was something different with the way that she was looking at him, but he just blew it off. “If you would have told me you were interested in a public outing, we could have planned something a little bit more secluded, but I kind of dig this…”

“Negan,” she frowned when he pressed in closer to her again so his mouth could pepper kisses over her jaw and toward her neck. Negan’s hips bucked forward against hers while he pinned her back against the climber that was behind her. It was hard to focus with Negan grinding up against her. Heavy breaths escaped her throat. His hands were touching her everywhere and he was clearly in the mood for something more between them tonight. “We need to talk.”

“We will,” he assured her, his lips meeting hers again in a heated sweep. Immediately, he pushed his tongue between her lips and she whimpered knowing that she had a hard time telling him no with things. When she managed to get space between them Negan frowned and his hazel eyes were full of mischief. “Come on sweetheart, I’m a little excited about the idea of a rub and tug here. Or a game of hide and seek with my cock in your…”

“Negan,” she couldn’t help laughing at how vulgar he was being. Fumbling with his hands, she did her best to get him focused on something else other than the sex he clearly wanted to have. “I really need to talk to you about something important, okay? I wouldn’t have bothered you tonight if this wasn’t something big and it just…it needs to be talked about sooner rather than later.”

“Okay, but like I have another hour or so left of my birthday. Can we just finish it off really big and then talk about whatever it is you want to talk about? Low key, I’ve never had public sex in a park before and now that the idea is in my head I kind of can’t get it out,” Negan snorted lowering his head in closer to hers so he could press his forehead to hers. “You’ve already given me the best birthday of my whole life. Ending it inside of you, what’s better than that?”

“You’re not going to last an hour Negan,” Y/N’s nose wrinkled and Negan let out an offended breath. He raised his hand to his chest as if he was offended. Biting down on her bottom lip, she wanted to give him what he was asking of her, but at the same time knew that something was kind of important. “The idea of fucking around inside of a park for an hour just doesn’t sound like the brightest idea.”

“Maybe it’s not the brightest idea, but it sure sounds fucking fun,” Negan retorted knowing by the look that she gave him, they were going nowhere. He was desperate and she wasn’t taking the bait. “You got me really excited Y/N, that wasn’t very nice.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered and he could tell that something was bothering her. Normally he would have kept going with poking fun at her, but it didn’t seem like now was really the time to do it.

“If you didn’t call me to have sex with you…what is this? You said this was an emergency,” Negan sighed and she reached for his hand to lead him to sit down on the merry-go-round with her. When she sat down beside him, Negan’s eyes were hooked on her. “What’s going on Y/N?”

“If this goes the way that I hope it goes, your birthday might be ending very well,” she lifted her hand before him as if asking him to hold her hand in return. Accepting her hand in his, Negan gave her a confused expression and shrugged his shoulders. “There is something I should have talked to you about a while ago, but I was scared. I’m not really sure where to start with this.”

“I mean a hand job would have been a nice place to start,” Negan joked, letting out a groan when she hit him with her free hand in the center of the chest. “Okay, I can wait for you to say whatever you have to, but at the end of this I’m just hoping I get a blowjob out of this. I kind of want to explode into the new year for myself.”

“Negan,” she let out a frustrated chuckle hearing his wicked, deep laugh surround her. She couldn’t be mad at him. This was Negan. Even during the most serious of situations, he always had an over the top attitude. “We’ll see what happens.”

“Okay, I’ll stop screwing around for a little bit. What’s on your mind sweetheart?” Negan grunted, lifting her hand up to his mouth to press a kiss over the back of her hand. “You have my full attention and I promise to keep my erection under wraps until I’ve heard you out.”

“I’ll try to tie this all together as best as I can,” Y/N took a moment to think about how to tell Negan what she had practicing for weeks. More than anything she wanted to tell him something this evening, but she didn’t get the chance when Lucille showed up early. “With the two of us getting close, it changed me. Because of you I started to see that I needed to start doing things for myself. I shouldn’t let life just pass me by. I kept thinking about my mother and how she had so many dreams. She dreamt bigger than I ever have. But she got sick and all of those dreams were just kind of flushed down the toilet. I don’t want to live life like that. For so long all I cared about was my job and I let Spencer rule the rest of me. I let him tell me what I did and did not want. Whatever he was happy with outside of work, I forced myself to be happy with. I didn’t think about me. I just did what I was expected to do. It took you being part of my life to realize that I deserved more.”

“You do,” Negan assured her, squeezing her hand in his supportively. He didn’t want to say much because he wasn’t sure where this was going.

“Before my mom got sick, she always talked about wanting to go to Europe. She wanted to sightsee and she had the money, she just never stopped to take a moment to breathe. Work always came first. She never got to see Europe, but since she’s part of me…” Y/N’s breathing hitched as she thought about her mother. It made her eyes tear over and she looked to Negan with a shrug. Squeezing her hand in his, Negan tried to be supportive. He knew that her mother was a sensitive subject. Kind of like his father was for him. It was something they both could easily bond over. “I bought a trip for this summer to Europe so I can go and see what she couldn’t. That way we can experience it together in a way since I carry her with me in my heart.”

“That’s awesome,” Negan nodded his head, a lump developing in his throat when he thought about the idea of her being gone and so far away. Why was this something that she felt she had to tell him on his birthday? “I’m surprised that Spencer agreed to that. He kind of seems like the guy that would bitch going on a trip like that.”

“Spencer isn’t going,” she answered, her eyes narrowing while she looked out at Negan. Silence fell between them. Negan was confused. There was no doubt about that. “You are.”

“Right,” Negan snorted and he watched her reach inside her jacket to pull out a plane ticket that she had gotten specifically for him. His eyebrows clenched when he took the ticket in his hand to look it over. There was a hopeful look in her eyes and Negan didn’t know how to respond to this. She was proud of this gift and he didn’t want to offend her, but it didn’t make sense. Everything else was so personal, but this was illogical. “I’m confused.”

“Well, I’m hoping you’ll agree to go with me,” she gulped and Negan felt an ache in his head while he held the ticket. There was no way that was even a possibility. “I guess there is something else I probably need to tell you. Over a month ago I asked Spencer for a divorce and I’ve been living on my own. I never told you because I wanted to make sure that it would be a hundred percent certain that I was done with Spencer. In a few days it should be all over and I will never have to deal with him again.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me this?” Negan slowly handed her back the ticket and the look she gave him when he handed it back to her was clearly disappointed. It was fairly obvious that she wanted him to be excited at the suggestion and the idea of them taking a trip together, but he wasn’t. There was a tension in Negan’s neck when he reached up to rub at the back of it. Suddenly what he thought was going to be a fun, lighthearted experience to top off his birthday had become exceedingly uncomfortable. “A month of not telling me that is strange.”

“I just wanted to make sure that I got him out of my life officially before taking the next step,” she informed him, her bright eyes hooked on his. After a moment, the lights went out and Negan let out a frustrated sound. Waving his hands around, he managed to get the lights to turn back and she was self-conscious because he wasn’t responding the way she thought he would. “Instead of talking about Spencer, I just…I focused on you and us.”

“Well, I’m glad you got away from Spencer, but Lucille will never let me go on a Europe trip with you,” Negan declared, pointing his finger at the ticket while Y/N still held onto it. Shaking his head, he didn’t even know what to say at that point. When he drove here tonight, he didn’t think she would be dropping all of this on him. “Even if you are my best friend, Lucille just wouldn’t let me go away for a few weeks with you.”

“That’s also the thing I wanted to talk to you about,” she began, her eyebrows bouncing up when he looked to her again. “You told me that night at the restaurant once I got divorced from Spencer that you would know that this thing between us was real. That we could be together.”

“That’s not what I said,” Negan retorted, standing up from the merry go round. There was a tingling at the center of his chest when he realized where she was going with that comment. Embarrassment flooded her face when he responded the way that he did. What had started off as a hopeful introduction was spiraling down and fast. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he felt his heart start to hammer inside of his chest and he stuttered to find the right words. “I meant that I knew you were serious about taking care of yourself and wanting to get away from him.”

“I thought you were saying that if I divorced him, you would divorce Lucille. You told me you just needed to know that not everything was going to be lost,” she reasoned with him, reminding him of the things he had said outside of the restaurant that day. There was a sadness in her eyes while she stared up at him from where she was sitting. Negan knew what he said, but at the time he never thought that either one of them would be getting divorced. This was always meant to just be an affair behind the scenes. Never in his mind did Negan think he would be leaving Lucille. “I can’t keep doing this to Lucille. Negan, she’s a good woman and I can’t continue to be the side girl. I can’t be the mistress and keep potentially hurting her. You have to make a choice. Today you told me that you were in love with me…”

“Wow, you sure as hell picked a good time to drop all of this on me,” Negan scoffed, his eyebrows creasing with a sense of anger. She knew what his birthdays were like and he found himself upset with her that she would even begin to think that this was a good idea to unload this on him. “You decided that you’d give me the best birthday and then end it with this fucking shit?”

“Negan,” she stood up from the merry go round, attempting to step forward to grab his hands, but he pulled away from her with a hiss. The way Negan was reacting toward her wasn’t at all like something she had seen from him before. “I’m confused. You told me that you loved me. That you never felt for anyone the way you felt for me.”

“I tell you I love you for the first time and you think that’s just grounds to ask me to leave my wife?” Negan snapped, the bridge of his nose wrinkling almost in disgust that she was throwing this on him now. “Now you’re sitting here telling me I need to make a decision right now? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I just…I thought,” her bottom lip trembled and Negan snorted. Reaching up, he pinched at the bridge of his nose again and let out a distraught breath. Maybe he shouldn’t have been responding like this, but he was feeling cornered and he didn’t like. Things were always laid back and relaxed with Y/N. Having her do this just felt like too much pressure for him to really take right now.

“You weren’t thinking at all,” Negan cut her off, his voice getting deeper while he stared out at her. Stress from the situation overtook him and he just began to run his mouth off with his frustrations that this conversation led him to have. “I never told you I would leave my wife for you. I always told you that you should leave Spencer because that’s what was best for you, but I never said I was going to leave Lucille.”

“But after the things you said at the hotel room when I wanted to stop our affair…” she thought back to how he told her that he would die without her. There was an ache at the center of her chest and she threw her hands up in the air. “It felt like you were saying that I was the most important person in your life. That was I was the person that made your life better.”

“You do make my life better Y/N,” Negan corrected her, his eyebrows furrowed while he spoke to her. “You’re just my best friend.”

“Is that your way of telling me that you pick Lucille?” she inquired knowing that by his comment, it was obvious that’s what he was digging in. She was the best friend. Not the wife.

“I shouldn’t have to pick right now,” Negan snapped, making a dramatic expression when she leaned against the slide that was beside her. There was a lot going on inside of her head and it was evident by the way her eyes were moving. Negan was furious. This was an awful thing to throw on him during the last hour of his birthday. What had been a special day was turning out to be miserable. “That’s not something people can just decide in few minutes Y/N. Did you just think by throwing this on me that I would say yes, it’s you I want to be with and I’m going to call Lucille and tell her that I’m leaving her?”

“No, I didn’t expect something like that. I just genuinely thought that knowing that I left Spencer would leave you comfortable enough to know that you wouldn’t lose everything if you decided that you wanted to be with me,” she admitted, her throat getting tight when she thought about everything she put out in front of him. “From things you said in the past, I just thought it meant you would want to be with me. You told me that the thing you look forward to every morning is seeing my face. With you crying earlier and telling me that you loved me…”

“After everything I gave up for Lucille…after giving up my dreams, do you really think I’m just going to divorce her?” Negan yelled making the color drain completely from Y/N’s face when he said that. Yes, he looked forward to being around Y/N. There was no one that he felt as comfortable as he did with her. But the idea of leaving Lucille really wasn’t even an option for him throughout most of their affair. “Y/N, I was living my dreams. I was a professional baseball player. I could have had it all. I gave up my dreams for her. If I left Lucille, it would be for nothing.”

“You shouldn’t have had to give it up in the first place. You shouldn’t have to give up all of your dreams just for someone else. The fact that she asked that of you told you she didn’t love you in the first place. I think she grew to love you, but it wasn’t the real you. It was a version of you that she made you become,” she pointed out and Negan let out an angered sound. The way she was talking was getting his blood to boil. It was all very presumptuous of her to even say something like that. Assuming something like that was a big deal and even if Lucille did make him angry, he didn’t like hearing Y/N talk like that. “Spencer asked me to give up my job and you told me day in and day out how abusive that was. How come when it’s Lucille it is okay? Why the double standard?”

“Anyone with eyes knew that Spencer was an abusive bastard,” Negan grunted, throwing his hands up in the air frustrated with her response. “I lost everything I loved in order to be with Lucille. I can’t just give it up when I gave away my whole life to be with her. I was a professional baseball player Y/N and now I’m a fucking gym teacher and a fucking high school coach. I went from having it all to having nothing at all. I’m fucking pathetic. I used to be something. Someone that people looked up to and now I’m someone that people make fun of.”

Negan started getting emotional after saying what he just did. Lowering his head into his palm, he hated that he was crying over it and he felt her attempt to touch him. Grunting, he pulled himself away from her as if hinting her to leave him be. Taking a moment, he tried to gather himself as he lifted his head to see her eyes locked on him.

“I have always and will always love who you are,” Y/N promised and Negan’s jaw flexed after she said those words. “If I had you first, I would have never forced you to give up your dreams for me. I would have supported you a hundred percent. I would have built you up because your happiness is what is most important to me.”

“But you didn’t have me first,” Negan corrected her with a grunt, his face scrunching up when he spoke. “So now I just have to live my life with the choices that I made. I lost everything for something. I can’t just take it back.”

“You didn’t though. I got some of it back for you,” she called out when Negan had turned away from her. Stopping in his tracks, he looked over his shoulder at her and shrugged. “You told me the ball was the most important thing in your life. I worked my ass off to get it back for you.”

“And you think because of that I should just give up my wife completely for you?” Negan tried to make sense of that comment and she moved forward before him to press her hands in over his chest. While he was thankful for the ball, the fact she was using that against him really infuriated him. 

“Answer these questions honestly,” she slid her hands up his chest and toward his shoulders. “Am I the person you have the most fun with?”

“I don’t see what the point of this is,” Negan noticed the pleading look she gave him and he bit down firmly on his bottom lip. “Yes.”

“Am I the only person you have ever been able to be yourself completely with?” she spoke up again making Negan’s heart sink and he looked down away from her.

“Yes,” he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear.

“Who do you like spending the most time with?” she inquired and Negan threw his head back dramatically, his bottom lip trembling when she asked him for the answer.

“You,” Negan slurred, licking over his bottom lip. They were both crying and he hated that the night was ending as emotional as it was.

“Who do you thinks love you as you are?” she tried to reason with him and Negan muttered something under his breath as he pulled away from her.

“Just because you’ve loved me for months doesn’t mean that I feel the same way Y/N. Today is the first day I’ve told you that I loved you,” Negan reminded her and he could see the expression over her face get exceedingly upset. “You’re forcing me to pick between you and my wife. I don’t think that’s very fair.”

“That’s the fairest thing you could do. You’re leading me on making me think that we have something together. That we may have a future,” she cried and Negan felt his fists clenching at his sides. For so long he thought that she was okay with what they had. There was only the one time they had the discussion at the motel after their dinner, but then it made sense. It was the guilt eating away at her. This, this was throwing it on him way too fast. “Doing this behind Lucille’s back is wrong. You either have to decide that you are all in with me or you all in with her. You can’t keep having the both of us Negan. I love you, but I refuse to keep hurting Lucille like this.”

“Lucille doesn’t even know,” Negan corrected her and his eyes narrowed, shaking his head. “Do you really think you’re the only person I have ever cheated on her with? I’ve had plenty of affairs. I gave most of them up and then you came around. No one ever made me consider leaving Lucille…”

“But I did,” she finished for him and Negan’s head tilted to the side. “Why can’t you just admit that I’m the person that you want to be with? I know that you’ve been with Lucille for a long and it’s hard to leave what you know and what you are used to, but I promise I will never hold you back from something you want. I can afford to get us a good place where we can…”

“Lucille apologized tonight for doing what she did to me. It’s been so long and she never, ever apologized,” Negan interrupted Y/N with what she was saying to inform her what happened at dinner tonight. “She told me she was wrong for what she did and she said she was sorry.”

“And?” she didn’t know how to respond to that.

“And that’s big for Lucille,” Negan answered, throwing his hands up in the air while he thought about things. “Trust me, in another world where I wasn’t with Lucille, I would be with you. I would be happy and we could be together.”

“In this life we could be,” she proclaimed and Negan snorted, reaching up to wipe at his eyes. “We could have a family. Children. You’ve always wanted kids. We can get a house and support each other. Anything you want to do with your life, I will always back you. I will always support you because I love you Negan. I’ve never loved anything or anyone like I’ve loved you. I thought my job was most important in my life, but I know now that I think I was meant to have that job because I was meant to find you. We both lived miserable lives, but it brought us together. So, we could bring out the best in each other. I was broken and battered into a million pieces. You make me whole Negan. It wasn’t until you where I realized what happiness really was. You have…”

“Stop,” Negan whimpered and he felt his entire body trembling by this point. It sounded perfect. It was everything that someone would want to hear, but this was wrong and he knew it. Getting emotional over this made Negan feel awful and he was trying to stop himself from exploding. “You love your job. That has always been your number one.”

“It led me to you and for the first time in my life I know what I want. I know where I’m meant to be and it’s with you,” she claimed and Negan reached up to shakily push his fingers through his hair in a tense fashion. “You can move in with me. We’ll go looking for houses. We can have a family…”

“I’m supposed to have a family with Lucille, not you,” Negan rejected her offer and he could see that his response made her start to cry harder. These were all very bold thoughts that she was letting loose and they were flooding his mind with thoughts of what sounded perfect, but at the same time could never happen. “At what point did I ever display an interest in having a family with you? You knew that Lucille wanted a family with me and I haven’t been able to give it to her.”

“How do you know what you’re supposed to have? Destiny sometimes makes things a certain way,” she suggested and Negan looked around the empty park around them. “Listen to me okay, I should have told you this when I found out, but…”

“I can’t handle another bomb right now,” Negan screamed at her watching the way her shocked eyes stared out at him. “I don’t care what you have to say. I can’t do this Y/N. I can’t. I have too much going on in my life right now. I can’t make this decision on the spot. All of this is fucking me up.”

“You have no choice,” she frowned, moving forward to reach up to touch over the side of his face. “I’m not asking you to leave her immediately. I just need to know that you are going to ask for a divorce. I’d like you to come with me to Europe for the summer. Then we can come home and be together. I promise you I will do everything I can to make your life happy.”

“Thank you for fucking up my birthday,” Negan snarled at her, the anger in his eyes making her step back and away from him. “I’m not making a choice right now. It’s not fair. I need time.”

“Then make a choice before school is over,” she offered, throwing her hands up in the air. “I think that’s a fair amount of time, don’t you?”

“I can’t believe you are doing this to me,” Negan rolled his eyes and reached up to wipe at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m going to go home and get a drink…or maybe twelve. We’re going to take the weekend and when you are thinking more clearly, we will talk on Monday.”

“Negan, if you don’t decide by the time school is over, I’m going to switch schools for the new school year,” she alerted him and he tilted his head to the side. Taking that as a threat, Negan felt a rage building up inside of him. After he told her that she made his life better, the fact she was threatening to leave it if he didn’t do what she wanted made him exceedingly angry. “I promised you that I wouldn’t leave you, but I can’t continue to be the secret. I can’t be the backup. I need to be the person that you love fully. The person that you want to be with. Not the person you are with only when the time is right. I want to be able to wake up and work every day to make you happy. I want to bring all your dreams to life. I think that I’ve proven just how much you mean to me Negan.”

“Now you’re threatening me with leaving again?” Negan moved forward, towering over her as he stared down at her. “You actually think you have the strength to leave me? You hear yourself. You are in love with me. The idea of not being able to see me would kill you.”

“But I can’t keep hurting a good person who will one day find out what we’ve done,” Y/N admitted, swallowing down the lump that was in her throat. “I love you more than anything else in this world and I would give up everything for you. I would fight to give you everything you’ve lost. I just can’t continue to be the person that you keep in the corner for when you want a pick me up.”

Giving her a final once over, Negan let out an angry sound before turning on his heel as he started walking away from her. Hearing her calling out to him, he stopped and looked back at her seeing her pulling an envelope from her pocket. She looked at it before holding it out toward him. Negan stepped forward and saw that his name was written on the envelope.

“I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to tell you something today so I wrote it out in this letter,” she nodded toward the envelope. Stepping forward, Negan tilted his head to the side and surveyed her over. “Make your choice and then read it. Don’t read it before you make your choice.”

Taking the envelope between his fingers, he looked it over and then lifted his gaze back up to her, “I think what you’ve done tonight is unfair and it’s no better than what Lucille did to me in the past. You’re asking me to give up everything I’ve ever known to be with you and telling me that if I decide on Lucille you are going to run away when I told you that you were the one thing keeping me sane is really fucking cruel of you.”

A gasp fell from her throat when Negan tossed the envelope and she watched it land in the distance. A crack of lightening filled the night sky followed by thunder alerting them that it was about to start storming soon.

“If that’s what you’re going to do to me, then I pick Lucille,” Negan slurred, shrugging his shoulders and he watched her start to sob before him. “I’m not giving up everything for the second time in my life.”

“Just take the envelope,” she reasoned with him and Negan let out an angered laugh. “I can accept you picking Lucille, but you need to take the envelope Negan.”

“I’m not taking the damn envelope,” Negan grumbled, backstepping toward the parking lot again. “After everything we’ve been through, I can’t believe you did this to me tonight.”

“I just thought I was the person you loved the most Negan,” she whimpered and he felt his jaw locking up. “I knew how I felt about you and I just thought…I just thought maybe you might feel the same way. I guess that was my mistake. I changed my life because of you.”

Giving her a final glance, he turned on his heel and started heading back toward the car. The sound of her crying was heard and he heard her call out to him, “I love you Negan.”

Ignoring her words, he headed back for the car and slammed the door shut when he got inside. Hammering his fist into the steering wheel, he sat there and heard the rain start to poor down above him while he sat in the car. Searching his jacket for his keys, he grunted and looked at the rearview mirror. When he had gotten home with Lucille earlier, he had not brought in the gifts Y/N had given him. He was going to wait until Lucille fell asleep to bring them in because he didn’t want her to see where he put them. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the baseball that she had gotten back for him sitting there.

Stretching out, he reached for the baseball and sat thinking about what happened. Closing his eyes, Negan clutched tightly to the glass case and thought about how he felt earlier today when she had given him the birthday gifts.

Cussing to himself, he set the baseball beside him. Clutching tightly to the steering wheel, he started comparing Y/N and Lucille in his head. Over the last year Y/N was right. He did love her more and he enjoyed spending more time with Y/N than he did Lucille. The bond they had was better than the bond he had with anyone in his life. While he loved Lucille and always would, his heart was most definitely hooked on Y/N. He was just scared of losing everything again, but if Y/N had proved anything it was that she would be there for him for the good along with the bad.

“Fuck,” Negan quickly got out of the car, slamming the door shut. Heading back in the pouring rain to the playground, he looked around the area to see that she was gone. Calling out her name, he searched around the area and ran toward the main street remembering that she texted she parked on the main road. In the distance he could see that she was walking back to her car. Yelling her name again did nothing due to the rain that was surrounding them. Running as quickly as he could, he got to the other side of the road from Y/N while she searched for her keys. “Wait!”

“Negan?” she pulled the door open to her car, looking over her shoulder at him. Clutching the door, she felt her heart break staring out at him.

“Come here. We need to…talk,” Negan waved his hand watching her look between him and the car.

“Maybe we should get in the car out of the rain?” she suggested point to her car and he shook his head. Closing her door, she moved away from the car and stood there for a moment to stare out at him. “I heard what you said and I’ll honor your wishes Negan…”

“No, that’s the thing…” Negan stammered about to open his heart completely to her only to hear the sound of screeching tires followed by an exceedingly bright light that made him turn his head away. Wincing, Negan heard the sound of shattering and let out cry when he saw that a car had struck Y/N. Screaming out her name, he saw her in the middle of the road sprawled out in the distance. Running to her side, he dropped down beside her and pulled her into his arms. “Baby…baby please…”

“My God,” the person that was in the car got out of the car letting out a nervous sound. “I didn’t see her. The rain…”

“Call for help, Now!” Negan demanded with a sob while he held a shaking Y/N in his arms. Her breathing was labored, there were cuts on her face and he struggled to pull her close to him. “Help is coming, okay? Everything is going to be okay.”

“Negan,” she whimpered his name, her eyes full of fear and he could see that there was blood dripping from her lips. “I can’t feel…”

“Everything is going to be okay,” Negan tried to assure her, rocking her in his arms while the rain continued to pour down over them. Everything was numb. The color was drained from her face. Her body was shaking uncontrollably and he was praying to God that everything would be fine. Crying uncontrollably, Negan leaned down to press a kiss against her temple. “This is my fault. I am so sorry. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to tell you that I picked you. I just want to be with you.”

In the distance Negan could hear the person that accidentally hit her attempting to get help. They were looking at the street names to get an ambulance.

“They’re coming, okay?” Negan looked down at her, feeling her getting limper in his arms and he shook her to try and keep her awake. “Hey, look at me. Everything is okay. Alright? Just keep your eyes on me. We’re going to get you help and then at the beginning of the summer you and I are going to go on that trip. Just the two of us because I love you. I’m head over heels in love with you and I would be lost without you. So, stay with me, okay?”

“I think…” her words slurred and her eyes closed tightly. She let out a scared sound, “I’m dying.”

“No. Don’t say that. You wouldn’t do that to me. Please,” Negan begged, his sobs filling the air. There was a gasping sound falling from her throat making him cling to her desperately hoping that in some way he could keep her safe by just being in his arms. “I have never loved anyone like I’ve loved you. Please, I am so sorry. This is my fault.”

“No,” she was able to mutter and she let out a pained sound. The way Negan’s heart was pounding in his chest, he felt like he was going to pass out, but he tried keeping his focus on her. Her fingers were trembling and it look like she was trying to grab his hand. Hooking one of his hands with hers, he squeezed her fingers tightly and brought her hand up to his mouth to press a kiss over her hand. “I’m scared.”

“Me too, but everything is going to be okay, I promise you,” Negan whimpered, his bottom lip trembling while he damned himself for all he had said tonight. Lowering his head, he pressed it against her forehead and felt himself absolutely breaking down. “Please. I need you. I love you so much and I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Please don’t leave me. I don’t think I could take on this world without you. Please stay here with me.”

“I love you,” she whispered and Negan heard her gasping for air making him cry out when he felt her going limp in his arms.

“Baby no,” Negan tried tapping his hand softly against the side of her face to get her to respond to him and he whimpered. “Don’t leave me. Please. No.”

The sound of the ambulance was heard and he could see the road being illuminated by the lights, but he didn’t move. When the EMTs attempted to help her, they had to try to pry his arms from her because he wouldn’t give her up.

“You have to let her go,” the EMT urged Negan, finally getting his arms to release her and Negan watched them get her onto the stretcher. Rocking back and forth, Negan looked to his hands seeing they were bloody and he let out a broken sound.

By the time someone came to check on him, the world around him became blurred. The voices that he heard were incoherent and he dropped his head into his hands praying that this was all a dream.

“Wake up, wake up,” Negan smacked at the side of his head trying to pull himself out of what he was experiencing. No matter how much he hoped and prayed this was just an awful nightmare that his mind had conjured up for him, by the time that he found himself in the waiting room of the hospital he knew this was real.

There was a pinging in his head and Negan felt like his entire body was numb. Nothing felt real and the world around him felt fake. It had been so long since someone had last spoken to him. Looking down at his hands, they shook as he held them out. The blood that was on them had dried and there was a severe ache at the center of his chest.

She was gone.

There was a voice in his mind that kept telling him this was his fault. Over and over again it repeated. In his mind he pictured what she looked like while she was in his arms. The image was burned into his mind reminding him of his mistake in letting her go. He should have never stormed off like that.

“Sir,” a voice pulled him from his own thoughts and he lifted his head to see a doctor standing before him. “I’m very sorry to tell you this, but…”

“She’s gone. She died in my arms,” Negan cut the doctor off and he could see the way that the doctor’s face twisted when Negan admitted that to him. “It was my fault.”

“You weren’t the man that hit her and it was an accident,” the doctor kneeled before Negan making Negan let out an upset sound. Negan’s bottom lip was trembling and the doctor took in a long breath. “You’re her husband, right? There is something else.”

“No,” Negan looked to his wedding ring that was on his hand and he reached up to drag his hand down his face. A sob fell from his throat. Shaking his head, he could see the doctor’s eyebrows arch up and he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m her best friend.”

“I’m her husband,” a voice spoke up and Negan lifted his head to see that Spencer was standing in the waiting room before him. “Doctor?”

“Spencer Monroe?” the doctor confirmed and Spencer nodded his head. The color was drained from Spencer’s face and he looked to be shaking as well when the doctor stood up. “I think we need to talk in private for a moment.”

“Doctor?” Negan called out to the man as he pressed his hand in over Spencer’s shoulder to lead him toward another area. “There was a letter that was addressed to me that she had on her. Do you think that I can get that?”

“Give me a moment,” the doctor held his hand up when he walked away with Spencer.

Part of Negan wanted to throw a shit fit knowing that Spencer was no longer her husband. They may have been married, but it wouldn’t have been for much longer. Negan had no rights. There was nothing that he could do. After sitting and waiting for a few, he watched Spencer stumbling back down the hallway toward where Negan was sitting. Spencer dropped in beside Negan and took the seat beside him.

“You were there?” Spencer looked to Negan; his eyes were damp from crying as well. Negan glared out at Spencer and nodded. The way Negan’s jaw locked up made him feel uncomfortable. Negan had no idea how to react. Everything felt surreal. “Did she at least go peacefully?”

“No. She was scared,” Negan answered with a trembling breath and he could see Spencer’s face twist with sadness. Spencer lowered his head between his legs and Negan heard Spencer’s cries fill the air.

“We were separated, but I would have never wanted something like this to happen to her. She was still my friend and I have known her since we were kids,” Spencer insisted, looking to Negan and Negan still had tears in his eyes as well. “I’m sure you knew we were separated for a while.”

Negan said nothing, he just shifted in his seat and he could hear Spencer continue to ramble, “It’s sad because we were so broken that I didn’t know anything. I can’t even tell the poor guy that she was clearly with that she was pregnant.”

“What?” Negan felt his heart sink when Spencer looked to him with a surprised glance.

“You didn’t even know?” Spencer bit down on his bottom lip and Negan shook his head, his brows furrowing as he listened to Spencer. “She was four months pregnant. Y/N and I hadn’t been together in over eight months. Whoever she was with…they had a baby that they lost tonight too.”

The air felt like it had been sucked from Negan’s lungs as he fell forward in his seat. Panicked breaths escaped his throat while Spencer continued to talk. By the time Spencer left, Negan felt like his body was on fire. Attempting to get up, he fell to his knees and grasped onto his chest. Someone was helping him to his feet and before he knew it, he was in room with a nurse that was trying to talk him down.

“Sir…” she tried to get him to acknowledge her and he felt the world spinning around him. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Negan refused, muttering it to himself over and over. It took time for Negan to finally calm down. The nurse had urged Negan to wash his hands while she left him alone in the room. The swirling of the blood near the drain made him start to cry again when he envisioned the blood that he had seen at the accident. Washing his hands nearly raw, he huffed and could hear the nurse returning.

“I’m not supposed to do this, but I heard you earlier,” the nurse lifted up the envelope that Negan had mentioned and he shakily turned off the water. Turning on his heel, Negan grasped onto the counter as she stepped before him. “I’m very sorry for your loss.”

Negan said nothing as he accepted the envelope and looked down at it. There was no way he was going to open it here. He wanted to be alone. He had to be alone. No one else would understand what he was going through right now. Negan made a stop to the liquor store and bought pretty much everything and anything he could get. Not far away was the motel that he had often stayed at with Y/N. He got the same room they would always get and when he got into the room, he set the alcohol down. Grabbing a bottle of whiskey, Negan dropped down at the table and set the envelope at the center of the table. Managing to get the lid off, Negan took a long swig of the alcohol. The burning liquid made him wince and he licked at his bottom lip.

The sound of his phone ringing was heard and Negan reached for his phone to pull it out from his pocket. Seeing that it was Lucille calling, he denied the call and threw the phone onto the table. Over and over again Lucille called him. By the time he was halfway through the bottle, he could see that she was texting him. Reaching for the phone he looked over the text.

_I just heard the news. Where are you?_

Swiping his thumb over the screen of the cellphone, Negan took a moment before launching his phone across the room. The strength of it hit the wall and shattered the phone. Staring out at the envelope that was on the table, Negan knew that he needed to see it. He needed to read it. His body was shaking and his eyes were burning. There was blood that stained the envelope making this exceedingly traumatizing for him.

Reaching out for the envelope, he pulled it open. Swallowing down hard, he unfolded the letter that was inside and something dropped on the tabletop, but he just continued to unfold the letter. Seeing her handwriting broke him and he immediately felt his tears pressing in over the corners of his eyes.

_Negan,_

_I guess this is kind of strange, but I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to get this out. I’m nervous just at the idea of telling you, so there is a big part of me that thinks I might wimp out and not be able to tell you this. I know it complicates things and you’re not big on complications. I’m pregnant. I don’t know what our conversation will be like nor do I know who you will pick, but at the end of the day I just hope you aren’t entirely too mad at me. I started feeling sick and went to the doctor to find out I was pregnant. I didn’t think it was possible with me being on the pill, but surprise. It was a surprise for me at least. I found out I was over four months pregnant. I guess I wasn’t showing that much. Or if I was, I really didn’t notice it. Apparently at four months they can sometimes tell you what the gender is going to be and we’re going to have a little girl. I understand if this is too much for you and you don’t want to be part of the baby’s life, but I really hope you want to be part of her life. She a miracle. Unexpected, but I feel like she’s a sign. You always talked about wanting to have a chance at a family. I know that was supposed to be with Lucille, but maybe this was God’s way of showing us where we are both meant to be. The only thing I know is that I’m head over heels in love with you. I always have been. I’ve been scared to say it. Afraid that you may not feel the same way. I just know that when I’m with you everything feels right. I’ve never felt that way in my life. You’re the best thing that happened to me. Never forget that, no matter what your decision is._

_I love you. Always and forever._

Dropping the letter, Negan was absolutely sobbing by the time he was done reading it. Reaching for the thing that had fallen from the letter, he looked it over and saw that it was the ultrasound photo of his baby. Not only had he lost Y/N tonight, he had lost his daughter as well. Dropping the photo down on the table, Negan could feel his whole body shaking. Slamming the bottle down on the table, he heard it shatter and he started slamming his hands down onto the table over and over again. Blood started to smear all over the table. Hissing out, Negan flipped over the table before reaching for one of the chairs, tossing them across the motel room as well. Anything he could get his hands on, he destroyed before he found himself falling into the corner of the motel room letting out a scream.

Lifting his bloody hands up, he pushed them through his hair and felt his vision blacking over. By the time he came to, he realized that he was in a completely different area of the room, face down against the floor. Rising up, Negan looked around the room to see the memory of what had happened destroyed the motel room they often stayed in together.

Most of the alcohol bottles were empty. He had thrown up during the middle of the night at some point and he had bled. A lot. Lifting up, his head ached like a son of a bitch. His eyes were swollen from crying and he crawled across the floor to grab the letter that Y/N had written him along with the photo. Clutching them in his hands, he fell onto his back and cried again realizing that everything was real and not just some awful nightmare.

It felt like forever that he had laid there until he managed to get enough strength to the pull himself up. Pushing the letter and the photo into his backet pocket, Negan reached for his wallet and dropped most of the money that he had in there on the bed, saving enough for himself for a taxi home. The money was almost a peace offering for what he had done to the motel room. After calling for a taxi, Negan looked around the small motel room. The memories he had with Y/N there flooded his mind and the one thing he remembered the most was how happy he had been with her in here. Closing his eyes, envisioned the time they had danced together and he felt his heart ache. It felt like he was dying. Right then and there.

Before he left, knowing that he would never be there again, he took a final look and then left. The taxi driver picked up on the fact that Negan was fucked up, but he stayed quiet. When Negan got home, the sound of the taxi must have alerted Lucille that he was there. At the door she met him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to hug him. When Negan didn’t hug her back, she worriedly grabbed at his face and held onto him.

“Baby?” she lowered her gaze to see that his hands had pretty bad wounds on them. She tried to insist that they go to the hospital, but he denied so she took him into the bathroom and tried taking care of them while Negan had dropped down to the corner of the bathroom. “Talk to me Negan. Someone told me that she died in front of you.”

Negan’s eyes lifted to Lucille’s, they were red and he was crying again while she wrapped his hands up. His clothes had blood all over them. Likely mixed with his and Y/N’s blood. Lucille was trying to get him to talk, but he refused.

“I am so sorry baby, I know she was your best friend,” Lucille wiped at Negan’s face to get the dry blood that was there off to the best of her ability. “You have to talk to me Negan.”

“Her biggest fear was dying young,” Negan finally spoke, his bottom lip trembling as he spoke, “And it’s all my fault that she is dead.”

“No Negan, it’s not. They said it was an accident. There was a lot of rain and…” Lucille tried to pull him out of it, but he yanked himself away from her and lowered his head to look down at his hands that were now bandaged.

“We had a fight. I said some really terrible things and I left her. When I went back to apologize, she was going to get in the car, but I told her to come to me. It’s my fault that she was out in the road to get hit,” Negan alerted Lucille, his whole face full of sadness while Lucille reached out to brush her fingers through his hair. “She’s dead because of me…and she was pregnant.”

“She was…pregnant?” Lucille confirmed and Negan nodded, biting down firmly into his bottom lip.

“She never told the man that was the father,” Negan kept part of the truth from Lucille seeing her frown upon what he told her. The world felt like it was swallowing him whole. It was so hard to accept that he had lost both Y/N and his unborn daughter. Yet he knew he did and it made him want to die right then and there. “She was my best friend. I loved her and now I will never see her again.”

“I know honey,” Lucille tried to comfort Negan, obviously unaware that when he said he loved Y/N what way he actually meant by it. Uncontrollably Negan started to sob again and she pulled his head to her shoulder allowing him to fall apart in her arms. When she got him calm enough, she convinced him to change his clothes, but Negan could barely move as it was and needed help. “I think this is a sign that we have to live our lives while we can because we never know when things will be too late.”

“This isn’t a sign of anything other than I’m a fucking piece of shit,” Negan pulled the note and the photo from his pocket managing to sneak it away in his wallet when Lucille had her back turned. “Y/N deserved a long life full of happiness. Her mother died young and she was so fucking scared of dying young. Now she isn’t here anymore and it’s my fault. That should be me that is dead, not her.”

“Neither one of you should be dead,” Lucille turned to look at Negan again seeing the way that he was crying again. “What happened to Y/N was a very awful thing and I know that it will haunt you because you were there, but you don’t deserve to be punished for what happened to her. Plus, I need you here.”

“You’ve never needed me. Hell, you never even loved me for who I was,” Negan scoffed, lowering his head into his hands and Lucille let out a frustrated sound. “You would have been better off without me in your life. Y/N would have been better off without me in her life. If she would have never met me…if she would have just been with Spencer, she would still be alive.”

That was a thought that swirled around in his head non-stop. If Y/N would have still been with Spencer. If he would have never convinced her to get divorced. If they weren’t having this affair, Y/N would still be alive. This was all his fault and he knew it.

“I know you’re upset and I understand it, but…” Lucille watched Negan stand up and go to leave the room, but she called out to him. “I have cancer Negan.”

“What?” Negan snapped, looking over his shoulder at Lucille seeing her eyes now full of tears and he felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. “Stop.”

“I know it’s awful to tell you this Negan, but…I have cancer. Stage four pancreatic cancer. I’m dying and…I can’t just have you shutting down like this,” Lucille confessed making Negan drop down onto the floor. “I understand that what happened with your best friend is awful and I know that she was very important to you too, but I’m sick Negan and I can’t lose you before I’m gone. I have no idea how much time I even have left, so while this is awful Negan, I need you to be right here with me. I can’t have you taking out your pain and anger on me when I need you the most.”

“No, that can’t be…there has to be things that can be done,” Negan reasoned with Lucille feeling like he was in some kind of warped reality where someone was torturing him for the mistakes he had made in his life.

“Not for this kind of cancer Negan. The chances of someone living when stage four is found…it’s very low,” Lucille informed him, sitting on the edge of the bed as she cried about what was going on with her. “I’m sorry I had to tell you like this, but…”

Dropping his head into his hands, Negan cussed to himself when he realized that not only had Y/N’s biggest fear happened, his did as well. There were two people in this world that loved and cared for him. One was already gone and the other was dying. Negan’s biggest fear was bound to happen to and there was no escaping it. He was going to end up alone. He was going to lose everything that meant anything to him. And there was nothing he could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this ending, but someone gave me the challenge of writing a short story, with the scenario I was given, but ending it sad because I'm not known for doing that. It was completely against what I usually do, but I was trying to fill the challenge I was given. Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for the soul crushing ending that I came up with.


End file.
